Is marriage that important?

[xCherylx]

Honestly I say no, just because a couple are married I do not believe they will be in love for longer or love each other any more. I believe marriage is to show to everyone that you are committed, however being happy shows that more. Personally we are going to get a house and make sure we are sorted financially before paying out 10k on our wedding. Making sure we have all we need is more important than a great day and holiday.
(only my opinion though)

 

[kyrabeth]

Me and the OH arn't getting married till 2012 but are NTNP at the moment, neither of us really see the importance of getting married before we have kids as we arn't religious etc. We set the date for 2012 as thats when our anniversairy next falls on a saturday, what happens in between wont make any difference to us. I think its just how you feel and what your relationship is like.

 

[stargirl69]

Just after 10 year we dont really have any commitment together.
Feeling a little down about it all.

You do have a commitment together though - you're going to try for a baby. That is the biggest commitment you will ever make. Well, I think so anyway. Because, surely by having this baby you are saying to each other: 'we want to bring a life into this world to bring up TOGETHER as a family for the rest of our lives (or until they leave home - ha ha!).

I would never bring a child into this world unless I was as sure as I could be that I would be with the father forever. I wouldn't just bring a baby into the world thinking 'oh well, I might stay with the father, I might not'. Nothing is ever certain in life of course, but I still believe CHOOSING to have a baby together is the biggest commitment you can make. Don't you? I'd be interested to see if others think differently.

 

[JennTheMomma]

To us marriage is important, its about honoring the love and commitment you already have. I dont' think it needs to be done before having a child though, as long as you are both committed to eachother and the baby.

 

[Foogirl]

I'm always amazed how many talk about marriage in terms of parties and costs.

A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime. "Not being able to afford it" is not a reason not get married. You can do it for next to nothing, just the cost of a registrar.

If cost or the thought of not wanting a big wedding is stopping a couple getting married, I'd say there are probably other reasons not to marry.

 

[stargirl69]

I totally agree with you Foogirl. It's strange that people would rather stay not married, than marry if they are not going to have a 'big day'. Marriage can't be that important to them. However each to their own...

 

[lozzy21]

Well i though it was important to me and OH but he informed me its just a bit of paper you sign when you get married and another when you get devorced I in formed him it was standing up infront of your loved ones and declaring your love for each other, He said i can do this with out gettin married but it wont be in a way you will like.

Whats the point, hes known from day one i wanted a husband and a father, not just a partner yet hes changed his mind because it suites him. Im so upset i cant even think f what to say to him to explain why im in a mood

 

[kate.m.]

I think for us, marriage was more important to my husband than to me. He was the one who brought it up "right, lets do it next year". I would have been quite happy to just stay engaged, as i knew how committed we were/are to each other- i didnt need to sign a piece of paper that "makes" us stay together. In fact, my thoughts leading up to the wedding were more like "ooh- once we're married we can start trying for a baby, and nobody will frown upon us!". But now that i actually am married, i must admit i do feel more secure, it does feel more special than being engaged.

So i guess i was like a lot of the blokes discussed on this thread- "not fussed one way or the other", but i did it because it was important to my husband, and because i knew that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together anyhow! And now that im on the other side, i can see how special it is.

I cant really offer any better advice than has already been said by the others. But im wondering; if your fiance is like me, if he would just "go along with it" he would see how good it is once you are married, and why it is such a big deal to you.
x

 

[shambaby]

Marriage is important if it's important to you. Does that make sense? To many people it's a symbol of a couple's commitment, to others (like me) it's about being a family (with or without children) and to others it is an irrelevant piece of paper.
My advice would be to talk to your fiance - is it the marriage he doesn't want or the wedding? Before we got married I think my hubby was terrified that I wanted a HUGE wedding which would leave us destitute, then I think he was very impressed when I worked out what we could realistically afford and spent ages researching and finding options that were right for us. Perhaps reassuring him that it is the marriage that is important and not the wedding will help?
If lack of commitment is the issue you really might have a problem - if he can't commit to marriage, but is willing to have a baby with you, does he think that having a baby is not a commitment? Because as far as I can tell there is no bigger commitment - no matter what you will both be that baby's parents and there is no getting away from that.
I hope you manage to sort this out soon so that you can both be happy and bring that baby into a happy, stable family, married or not.

 

[Foogirl]

But now that i actually am married, i must admit i do feel more secure, it does feel more special than being engaged.

And now that im on the other side, i can see how special it is.

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

After we married, I remember this kind of feeling but I still can't put my finger on it. I'm not sure if it was security as I had felt secure enough before, but it was...something.

One of my friends had told a story about someone she knew who said they had felt no different after they got married and she felt really sorry for her as for my friend (and for me) it was a really special feeling. And it still is!

I guess what I felt in the weeks and months after was that we had taken another big step in life. Like we were moving forward not just marking time. We had committed to spending the rest of our lives together and were planning a future we both wanted. Whilst our wedding day had been partly about making that public statement, we also took time out of it to remind each other what it was all about.

I liken it to confirmation ceremonies in church or naming ceremonies / christenings for babies. Taking time to celebrate something with friends and family, or just with each other, formalise the status be it your commitment to your partner, or to your God or welcoming a child into the world gives you an opportunity to re-affirm it and that is something you can't do by just keeping with the status quo.

 

[Kess]

Marriage is important to me. I want to be married before we TTC, it just feels like the right way round for me. I want to be a family, and have a husband not just a boyfriend.

 

[Tudor Rose]

when i had my daughter we was engaged and hadnt thought about marriage, then when we went the registry office to register the birth he turned round and said lets book the wedding while where here. i thin if we hadnt had children we would still be engaed now

 

[Blah11]

I'd love to get hitched but my BF is similar to your OH, and isn't that enthused about it. I'm sure I could persuede him eventually but I'm never going to get a romantic proposal from him. I was hoping he would after Amelie was born but no luck

 

[Lullahbelle12]

Both of us think is marriage is very important but for religious reasons and I'd never force those views onto someone else.

I think that you can be in a happy, secure relationship indefinitely without feeling the need to be married (regardless of whether or not you have children together) and it's a personal choice. Not being bothered about being married doesn't mean that your OH is going to leave you or doesn't want to be with you - if he's anything like my OH, he probably just doesn't want all the palavar that comes with the wedding - my OH would happily skip that part!

If it's really important to you - why don't you suggest eloping and make it just the two of you?? If he's not bothered if you're married then surely he's equally not bothered if you're not married????

Good luck and I hope you get the outcome you want.

xxxx

 

[Gwizz]

I am neither married or engaged, I have been with OH for nearly 2 1/2 years and we do actively talk about the wedding day e.g the big choc cake he wants!!! - so its not a taboo subject.... his excuse is the lack of money to be able to afford it i.e the big diamond I want . Its costing £500 for the christening!

I do know what u mean about the name thing - its hard
xxx

 

[Bubby]

Marriage was important to me because I was always brought up that things happen in a certain order. I fully understand why some people don't think its a big deal though.

 

[flutterbylge]

hi hun,

marriage is nice and all that but in my eyes, it doesnt make you any more committed.. i wouldnt let it bother me, especially in this day and age, there is nothing forcing people to stay together, he wouldnt still be with you or want to TTC if he wasnt truly in love with you..