Is my 4 year old being bullied? What do i do?

[m4nc3r]

Personally I would not take "No" as an answer. I would walk into that classroom at the end of day and demand to speak to her. If she refuses, I would phone the head teacher / owner and explain this.
Your child is upset by something, and although from his reaction to your story it does seem to be a bit of bullying, you have a right to feel that the nursery have suitable facilities and training to deal with it.

Don't take her passive aggressive behaviour for an answer. You pay for a service, you have every right to demand the quality you expect.

 

[My_First]

I don't know if this would help but we did an exercise recently with Leo.

He has been swimming since he was 6 months old and now aged 3, he's a good swimmer but hates going on his back. This is so much so that he can't progress to the next group up unless he can be confident doing this. We have asked him what's wrong and he won't tell us, just screams.

Then one week my oh suggested to him he drew what was making him upset about swimming on his back. He agreed and took daddy to where he draws, and before he even picked up a pen by my oh encouraging him, he said water in his ears. So we realised that he didn't like the feeling of water in his ears.

Maybe making a game out of it, may help him to open up?

 

[chistiana]

Happysaurus thanks hun, i didnt think you were critisizing..i thought of the same thing about the wall as he also seems to have developed a fear of being left behind. He s always been very ok about staying the day with granny but lately whenever anyone leaves the room and he is found alone he starts screaming.

M4nv3r i know i should just walk in and check it out but then i m afraid they ll target him even worse...do i make any sense??

Lynne this is actually what sets me off worse..even if there is no bullying shouldnt the teacher notify me that he s distanced himself? All i read everyday is how well behaved he is and how he didnt eat lunch..boohoo..she is the freaking teacher she should call me in not the other way round

My first thanks, this actually sounds like a good trick, he really enjoys acting out stories so it might actually work!! Thanks!!

Sunday today, no school and we had another rare good day! He was his good old self! Dreading tomorrow though

 

[Bex84]

it really annoys me when you can see teachers who are in it just as a job not because they care about children, even if a child seemed a bit down I would tell parent as it obviously effects behaviour at home, and parents put so much trust into you to look after their children. With the kids I taught I wanted to be accessible to the parents and I would go out of my way to make time for them. My husband who is a teacher is the same. He makes sure to spend time doing calls to parents (he teaches secondary) telling parents positive stuff so he doesn't just call for negative things

 

[Bex84]

I am glad the story worked, and I hope he is happier once all finished at nursery.

 

[Bex84]

just another thing we used with kids to help through difficult situation that might work was social stories. We used simple pictures like a cartoon of what happened so for example first example might show children going outside for play, second box may be child been left out or called names and third box would be about how that made child feel and then do a box with what child should do so for example tell teacher, or mummy etc.. . We did as a simple cartoon strip and talked about the feelings each character might feel and what they think child should do, you could right social story with him, it can be using basic stick figures and doesent have to be a work of art

 

[chistiana]

Bex Can you come teach my kid pls?? I work with autistic kids and every Friday I send e mails to parents writing the good n bad moments we had in the week, what needs improvement, what they can do at home and always making myself available. I too felt my baby's first year at school should be filled with lots of feedback but I guess I should have figured it earlier....at one of the 'appointed parent teacher meetings' she raised her shoulders n said "well I don't see any special talents in him"... Ok I know he is 4 (3.5 at the time) and I don't expect him to be mr talented but seriously???is that even a comment to make? Ow n btw not to brag but he s bilingual at 4 yrs old...not talented in any way?? Anyway, I m going off course now...can't wait for school year to be over n this nightmare to be behind..I never expected his first year would be so bad but forward we move! Ladies you ve truly been amazingly helpful n supportive!

 

[chistiana]

Btw do you maybe know of any good bullying book for kids?

 

[SerenityNow]

Trudy Ludwig's books are so good! They are very realistic and focus on the more subtle things kids do to each other, like saying mean things but making it out to be a joke or treating someone like your best friend but then being really controlling with them. Great books, can't say enough about them!

Your description of how his behavior switched all the sudden reminded me of something. I know 2 little boys who suffered from horrible anxiety after having a concussion. One of them, the parents hadn't even realized that he'd had a concussion until he suddenly was having complete meltdowns about going to school. They knew that he'd had a fall, but it didn't seemed very serious.

I know that probably isn't the case for your son, but I thought it was worth mentioning because 2 of my kids have had minor concussions and I had no idea that it was common for kids to suffer from anxiety afterward.

 

[chistiana]

OMG serenity you just turned the world around for me...about 3 weeks ago my son was jumping on the back of the sofa and slipped. He fell head down to the floor and there was a huge thud. I did call the doc to maybe take him to the hospital but he said as long as he wasnt drowsy or vomiting then he s fine. When all this began soon after i researched head injury and change of behavior but nothing really applied to our case. OMG do you think it might be it? And if do hat do i do? How do i check it out????

 

[babyjan]

My lil brother at 7 was doing this recently, waking up from sleep, crying saying he doesn't wanna go school and how he doesn't have friends but he told my mum straight up a boy in his class was hitting, stabbing him with pencils and taking away any friend he had, he even told my mum that he wished the beating didn't hurt so he could just take it

My mum went straight to the school who said they will deal with it, I hope you can get it sorted x

 

[SerenityNow]

I would talk to a Dr. tell them that he had a fall and you've noticed behavior changes since then. It could be a total coincidence, but they may want you to limit him from climbing or bike riding if he possibly had a concussion because having another blow to the head while recovering is more dangerous.

 

[chistiana]

Babyjan..wow that is just soooo so sad to read I hope it was completely sorted out for good.

Serenity we were going to go soon anyway for dd so I will make a note to ask, thanks! He s quite prone to injury..he usually sports purple bumps all around!

He didn't go to school today n had a great happy day but then had a complete melt down when I told him he has to go tomorrow. Don't know how I m taking him tomorrow