Is my dad being horrible or am I just selfish??

[Aidan's Mummy]

So as you all know I moved out of my parents in august due to a very stressful and sometimes volatile enviroment for aidan to live in due to the behaviour of my dad. Me and y dad have alwasy had an up down realtionship but I do love him. And we have become so close over the last few months.

Anyway I wanted to put my Christmas decorations this weekend after aidans birthday. So on sunday night I put them all up and aidans face was a picture. He couldnt take his eyes off the tree.

Anyway My dad has always waited till Chirstmas eve to put his decorations up. That fair enough. But I put mine up 11 days before. It cheered me up and made it feel like christmas was coming

Anyway every sunday we take turns to make sunday dinner. This week was my turn. My dad and mum came. I was talking to mum about the decorations and he said he was leaving. He said that he was fed up of christmas being shoved down his throat when its not even chirsmas and he cant even come to my house to escape it. So I let him go not wanting an argument. Bearing in mind his dinner was now wasted, but mum stayed

He then rang me later that night and said he isnt celebrating Christmas this year. We were all going out for a meal but now he isnt coming just me james aidan and mum can go. He isnt giving presents and he doesnt want any. And he doesnt want to hear from me at the moment


Just because I put decorations up.

I am sick of it he always has his tantrums hurts people and then expects to come back

So yeah should I take them down and apoligise of is he in the wrong?
xx

 

[Katieeeee]

Er....what the hell! What is he, three years old? You wouldn't go round a mate's house for dinner and throw a tantrum and say " I'm leaving because your christmas decorations make me SICK " so why do it to a family member?!

He sounds like a right scrooge! Don't you dare apologise, he should clearly apologise to you! Although it sounds like there was more to it than just the decorations, maybe he was pissed off that you're in your own place and not under his control anymore? i don't know the full story but who on earth gets pissed off and leaves and puts food to waste because of that?! Mental!

 

[Louisandcoco]

Nooo you're not being selfish at all.Some people put their tree up on December 1st, whereas some wait longer.

It's not like you went round to his house and decorated there - so I think he's in the wrong!

Keep them up, I bet Aidan loves the decorations. x

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

He loves controlling people when I moved out he threatend to kill him self. He cant handel not being in control
xx

 

[Katieeeee]

He loves controlling people when I moved out he threatend to kill him self. He cant handel not being in control
xx

It definitely sounds that way! Do you think that's why he acted like that?

 

[whiby]

How very bizarre! I don't think your selfish at all! If you put your decs up in August maybe I could understand someone saying something! Ignore him to be a bah humbug on his own - carry on being festive!!!

 

[babe2ooo]

Its your house, if u wanna put christmas decorations then u should, he is really in the wrong and shouldnt be treating you like that, keep them up i would just ignore him for a while then he might come round

 

[NickyT75]

he is defo in the wrong hunni... dont let his emotional blackmail upset you

he is acting like a child and at the end of the day its HIM that will be missing out on a family xmas so he is just cutting his own nose off to spite his face xx

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

He loves controlling people when I moved out he threatend to kill him self. He cant handel not being in control
xx

It definitely sounds that way! Do you think that's why he acted like that?

Yes I do he thought him saying he didnt like my decorations being up that I would take them down. And when I didnt he tried harder to get his control back by being horrible
xx

 

[Katieeeee]

He loves controlling people when I moved out he threatend to kill him self. He cant handel not being in control
xx

It definitely sounds that way! Do you think that's why he acted like that?

Yes I do he thought him saying he didnt like my decorations being up that I would take them down. And when I didnt he tried harder to get his control back by being horrible
xx

I know what it's like, my step dad is exactly the same! Don't let him rule you, he needs to be shown that the only person he's gonna end up hurting is himself!

 

[Blah11]

Hun, from all I've read about him he just sounds like ahorrible man I know you love him but omg he makes me angry for you.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I just dont get it. he can be horrible but then he can be sooo nice aswell.

Aidan adores him and Oh I dont know I love him when he is being a nice person but at the same time I'm scared to say something worng incase I 'upset' him.
xx

 

[Serene123]

My mums exactly the same, she makes out like I'm in the wrong all the time too, and makes me feel rubbish about myself.

You're not being selfish, he's being completely unreasonable x

 

[Pussycat]

I can't see anything you've done wrong.
Maybe he's annoyed because you are managing to live quite happily on your own and you are obviously independent, his controlling nature may have meant that he expected you to move back home after a few weeks but you didn't. I don't know.

Either way he does sound like a kid! Did he stomp his feet and stick his bottom lip out?
Little Aidan's probably looking at him going 'Geez Grandad, grow up would you!'

Try not to let him bother you and make YOUR Christmas the way YOU want it to be.

 

[bubbles]

Hun I know it's a bit harsh and he's your dad n'all but he sounds very immature. I don't think you were/are in the wrong what so ever, what you do in your house is your choice. If you wanted to paint the walls black it's down to you not what anyone else thinks or wants. Personally if it were me I would tell him if thats how he wants to be with christmas fine but don't try and push it onto the rest of you xx

 

[Whisper]

uhm....like the others said is he a child or what?!

Its yours house and you decorate how you want, i mean if he said he didn't like the sofa you have, would you go change it?

He needs to grow up a little. I put my decorations up at the end of November and my inlaws all think i am crazy for putting them up so early, but its my house and its what i like to do. They can do what they want in their house.

Stick to your guns, leave him to sulk.....just enjoy yourself and leave those decorations up!

 

[mandaa1220]

you dont live with him... you are growing up and perfectly able to make decisions on behalf of christmas in your home. you'd think watching you raise a child would make him realize that what you do is your decision. my goodness... some of you ladies parents on here make me angry !!!

 

[Donna35]

No way should you take those decorations down - as you said yourself Aidan's face was a picture seeing them up and I bet he loves looking at them all the time - I know as a kid I loved looking at the decs and it making me feel Xmas is so close and Santa will soon be here. Ah who am I trying to fool - i'm still like that even now lol and I put ours up on 1st December, dreading taking them down cos it makes house look bare...

Anyway sorry for rambling - IMO your dad is only going to be controlling if everyone gives in to it. If you all decide to cancel christmas then he'll feel he's won and like a naughty kid he'll move onto bigger things next time like cancelling birthdays etc. If you all go ahead and have your Christmas while ignoring his tantrum (hard I know to do) then he'll see he's lost the upper hand and might think more next time

He needs someone to have a strong word and tell him to grow up that he's ruining things for everyone else...

 

[MrsBandEgglet]

Grown men and their tantrums huh! My husband is a bit of a bah humbug when it comes to xmas and to keep the peace sometimes i'll just ignore it but next year, when my boy is here, his first xmas, I'll wring his neck if he complains once. Your son, is a year right? He could at least have made the effort for him. Silly man. Needs to grow up and no, you're not being selfish in the slightest. xx

 

[helen1234]

words fail me hunni,
i'd be having serious words and would be telling him he'll be losing his daughter if he doesnt get a grip, there's only so much crap you can deal with.