Is my relationship doomed?

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by Shabutie, Jan 24, 2011.

  1. Shabutie

    Shabutie Mum to Amara & #2 on way

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2009
    Messages:
    3,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    Not really too sure if this is where I should post but i'll go ahead anyway:

    I feel like my relationship is falling apart since I left hospital after giving birth nearly 4 weeks ago. :cry:

    I have been with my fiance for 4yrs 4 months and are getting married in september this year, but I feel like I am falling out of love with him. I know I still love him, but it's just not the same.

    He seems to be getting on my nerves and irritating me alot. Sometimes its over silly little things that get blown out of proportion. So i know some of it is my fault.

    We have argued all tonight and are now not talking to each other. When I try and talk to him, he closes up and wont talk back. How can a relationship work when there is no communication. how can it last if he cant talk to me? I end up repeating myself over and over again for days on end. He promises things and says he wont do something and then does, or says he will change and then the next day he will forget about the night before like it doesnt matter.

    I really dont know what to do, I want my relationship to last and I dont want Amara to have a broken family. I dont know what to do, please help and advise if you can. :cry::cry::cry:
     
  2. LulaBug

    LulaBug Mum of 5

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2009
    Messages:
    3,346
    Likes Received:
    145
    This may sound like such a cop out but believe me, I am speaking from experience. You're still fresh from giving birth, your hormones are all over the place so your moods will be too and I remember feeling exactly the same way.
    Me and my OH would argue over the smallest things, we tend to do that anyway but it just seemed so much worse.
    You're also adapting to a completely different life, you're now parents and it's a completely new world for you both.

    Don't give up, just try and get some time together when Amara is sleeping and try and get some "you" time so you can be yourselves. It's extremely tough but you need to try and work together as a team so your relationship doesn't struggle. I hope things work out for you.

    xxx
     
  3. Lilly12

    Lilly12 Mommy & #2 on board

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2009
    Messages:
    11,326
    Likes Received:
    0
    Maybe it's your hormones, making everything seem worse?
    I know when my hormones are acting up , everything my husband does seems to irritate me.

    I hope you can work things out, I'm sure it's just the change of having a baby now and the stress and exhaustion etc.
    Also for your husband!
     
  4. Vickie

    Vickie Hannah & Rhys <3

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2007
    Messages:
    68,398
    Likes Received:
    3
    I agree with the above :hugs: the lack of sleep also doesn't help things.

    Hubby and I definitely hit a major rough patch after Hannah was born, it started to get better around 6 months
     
  5. peanut56

    peanut56 Mom to Hana & pregnant!

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2010
    Messages:
    2,986
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm not sure if I can really be much help, but my relationship suffered horribly for the first 2 months after our baby was born. My husband suffered from PND - very long story short, we nearly split up. It's still a struggle, but it's been getting better for the last month and a half.
    A baby puts a lot of stress on a relationship, and I think most people (myself included) are unprepared for that.
    Do you think it's possible that your OH is "jealous" of the baby? That sounds terrible, but my husband told me he felt like he kind of "lost" me in a way, because the vast majority of my time and energy went towards taking care of our daughter. He knew it was irrational to be jealous, but couldn't help how he felt.
    Other than that, I don't really know what advice to give you. I'm sorry I couldn't be more help. :hugs::hugs:
    ETA: I also agree with what the previous posters have said about the hormones.
     
  6. Shabutie

    Shabutie Mum to Amara & #2 on way

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2009
    Messages:
    3,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks girls, I thought it might have been due to lack of decent sleep, but it seems a bit extreme I guess. I just dont want to be arguing with him forever. He leaves for 4months (for his job) in feb/march so I feel even worse when we do argue as I know there isnt much time with each other. But It seems like Im not the only one and that it is just a phase that should hopefully pass.



    :)
     
  7. Mrs Mayhem

    Mrs Mayhem Guest

    I absolutely agree with all of the above! Hormones and lack of sleep cause havoc!! Before having our LO, me and hubby only argued over directions in the car....
    when she came along we were both so tired and my hormones were so all over the place we had plenty rows! Its all settled down again now though, there is an end to it! Don't give up on your relationship hun :flower:
     
  8. Mrs Mayhem

    Mrs Mayhem Guest

    Sorry, double post!
     
  9. PresqueVu

    PresqueVu Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2010
    Messages:
    561
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've got to agree with what the other girls are saying here hun, if its only been 4 weeks then you'll not be back to normal yet - and its really hard adjusting to the new person!

    I think a baby might be harder for a bloke to adjust to as well - we get 9 months of getting used to the fact a new person is arriving, but it must seem a lot less real for them until they turn up.

    It got a lot better for me at about 6 weeks so hopefully it'll improve for you really soon - I had the same fears about my feelings for my husband to be honest and it did improve. I didn't lose any of my feelings, I just think they got pushed aside for a bit. Just try and take some time to yourself if you can, even if its only having a hug whilst LO has a nap! :hugs:
     
  10. Tegans Mama

    Tegans Mama home edding mum of 2

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2007
    Messages:
    16,054
    Likes Received:
    0
    I always say to people, don't make any rash decisions about anything important in your life until you are at least one year post partum. I was mental after I had Tegan and my OH and I are still not perfect now but we are much, much, better than we were. Try to ride it out. it will get better :hugs:
     
  11. RHR

    RHR Mummy 2 Isabelle & Sophie

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2009
    Messages:
    1,932
    Likes Received:
    0
    Awww, hunni, you're not the only one. Me and my OH never used to argue. However since our dd has been born we've argues a hell of a lot. It has got a lot better now 6 months down the line, but we still do have the odd argument over the stupidest of things.

    The sleep deprivation and the fact your hormones are still over the place really don't help matters.

    When my OH was at work I'd used to have a good moan out load and got a lot of things off my chest, which made me feel better and also helped my put into context the things I thought were really important to ask for help over. ie tidying up more.
     
  12. Nessicle

    Nessicle Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2010
    Messages:
    13,188
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm so glad I came across your thread hun :hugs: I'm experiencing a lot of the same, I had Ava nearly 4 weeks ago and me and my OH have argued so much, he's irritating me tons and I find we're snapping at each other and criticising about our methods of whats right for Ava etc I'm so tired too from the sleepless nights and having had a c section stuck inside until i can lift the pram and drive etc and I suffered with guilt and cried constantly about not being able to breastfeed and having a traumatic delivery and he did nothing to try to understand and was having a go at me etc makin thngs worse.

    I started questioning everything and still feel a bit funny about stuff, but things are getting better and hpe they do for you too xx
     
  13. hannahR

    hannahR Hollie aged three ttc no2

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,180
    Likes Received:
    0
    Again, im going to agree with the others, hormones and lack of leep can make you feel like you want to tear your OH apart!! Its a weird feeling but totally normal and i have felt it. Hazel is nearly 7 months now and i love my hubby more then ever. Having a baby is hard. You will get through it, just try and support each other the best you can. xxx
     
  14. louandivy

    louandivy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2010
    Messages:
    12,003
    Likes Received:
    0
    :hugs: Me and OH argued so much those first few months I was sure we were going to break up. But things suddenly got better as we became more relaxed in our roles as parents, give it some time I'm sure it'll get better!
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice