Is temping really necessary? OH against it.

[dimmu]

Hi everyone!

This is now our 3rd month of ttc, had a CP in July and BFN this month - boo.

I had planned to start temping and using OPKs if we didn't get t lucky in August, but having spoken to my OH about it last night he's dead against such a scientific approach so early on. He thinks it's better to not think about it all too much as it makes it more stressful and he has a point as I have a tendency to get worried. He also doesn't want to feel pressurised to perform on certain days but would prefer to keep things more spontaneous. Unfortunately our sex life isn't frequent enough to just leave it for the nature to take its course.

So I was wondering what's the best approach to take..
Do you think it's ok to go about it without temping? I know that there's no way to actually confirm that I ovulate without temping.
I have downloaded the FF app and it seems to give a pretty clear idea about the ovulation window. I also tend to have quite abundant EWCM which helps to define the right time frame. I thought I could perhaps use OPKs without OH knowing, but then again not sure if there is much point as they don't confirm ovulation anyway.

I suppose I can't really temp without OH knowing and of course he has a point of not getting too stressed about the whole thing.

Anyone else here who has chosen not to temp? Is there anything else you do to maximise your chances?
Any supplements or anything to boost things for instance? We're taking pregnacare conception his+hers but nothing else.
Any thoughts much appreciated.

 

[Bluemoonlight]

I considered temping (still might later on) but I decided it would be too stressful for me at this point. Maybe you can strike a deal with your hubby that if he is willing to have sex with you every 2-3 days throughout the month (with a "lets have fun" vibe as opposed to a "lets make a baby" vibe) you will hold off temping for now.

 

[Smille24]

I recommend both bbt and opks. Opks can give you an idea that you're about to ovulate so you can suggest sex when you get a positive. Bbt would help you to figure out your cycles and confirm you are ovulating. I don't talk to my dh about either. I just put the moves on him when ovulation is close and hope for the best. We aren't like rabbits either as my dh has a demanding job, but we try to make that connection a couple times a week. When we first started ttc, I would talk to him about it and he felt forced to perform. It wasn't working out, so I keep it to myself. It has worked out great thus far.

 

[Angel022605]

My DH was similar with OPK. The first time I tried it he said never again. He didn't want a little pos stick to tell him when to BD. He also wanted to be spontaneous. He told me I can temp as long as I don't wake him. As PP said maybe explain to him that it's important to BD every 2-3 days. Just use " I want romance" and not "I just need you for your sperm" approach. For example with DH and I we just spontaneously cuddled and passionately kissed for a little while then before we knew it........we BD just relax and have fun

 

[dimmu]

Thanks everyone.
I think I might leave temping for the time being, I am getting stressed enough about the whole ttc as it is; temping certainly wouldn't help take my mind off things. Just have to try and convince OH to BD more frequently. He's quite stressed about his work at the moment and often just too tired for anything, so easier said than done.

 

[caz & bob]

if you bd 2 days then miss carrie on like that you carnt go wrong then hun xx

 

[frsttimemama]

Temping is very stressful. To be honest, by OB/GYN said that it isn't all that important and not to bother. I temped for 6 months even though she said not to bother.. It said I O'ed, but blood work said I didn't until I started clomid. Just throwing that out there. SO many factors influence it. Time, temperature in your room, sick, etc. I do recommend OPK's though. My hubby doesn't want me to temp this time around so I probably won't. It's one less stressor. Good luck!

 

[jtr2803]

I'm the opposite, I'd feel more stressed NOT temping as I'd be constantly worrying about whether I'd hit or missed the window. We also have sex very infrequently but we both want a baby so knowing when that 3/4 days are is very helpful, we do time sex....it's not romantic but at the same time it is, because its for the purpose of having a baby!

I'm probably not going to use opks next cycle as I find those stressful.

 

[AP]

My DH was like this. I told him I wanted to make sure everything was actually in working order. He gave in, at the end of the day, it wasn't him temping

 

[Angel5000]

I personally love temping. I originally thought it would be a hassle, but now that I temp and check CM I feel so much more in control and informed about my body. I don't guess as often, I just feel like I actually KNOW my cycle and my body. Part of this came from reading Taking Charge of My Fertility, but you don't have to read it (in fact I've been temping for several months and just read it last week), I just learned so much about my body from reading it.

That's how I learned I have a short luteal phase, and it's how I discovered I ovulate much later than my doctor predicted/thought. I was having 10 days of fertile CM and didn't realize I was Ovulating the last day or two of it. Alos, we don't have sex as often as we would need to in order to spontaneously get pregnant, especially with what I learned about my LP and my O date. Plus I don't get any signs AF is coming (none until after arrival) and when temping I know AF is coming a day before (or the day of), and I can make sure I have all my "supplies" when I leave the house.

Temping gives me so much piece of mind. I'm pretty sure that even when not TTC just to keep track of my body and/or as a natural means of birth control. After my experiences with getting off bc, I don't think I ever want to go through that again.

 

[frsttimemama]

I don't disagree at all. Temping let me feel like I was doing something and have some control. My body is just so crazy that it isn't really very reliable.

 

[psychochick]

If you OPK/temp in order to understand your body and your cycle, I really don't see the issue. I feel like I've learned so much about things that I've taken for granted all these years. I've also educated DH a lot about how the woman's body works as I learn and it kind of feels like we're both learning a lot about me in the process. I think having the man understand what makes you tick, and when, and why you're sometimes not feeling up for it, can only improve the relationship. Just like how your OH got to know your personality/likes/dislikes, it also helps to understand exactly what your body goes through. And I definitely feel like our sex life has actually improved because I'm no longer brushing off my bodily urges just because it's not "convenient" to do it.

In fact, I think a "scientific" approach is much better than what a lot of people do while TTC: symptom spot based on anecdotes. I feel like *that's* what makes up for a lot of the stress. Science can only tell you the facts that's already there; it's what you don't know for sure that makes you stress out.

Also, DH and I work in tech so we approach everything scientifically