Is there a forum for when you've decided enough is enough?

[Donna210369]

Hi ladies, I'd really like to talk to anyone who has decided they're not going to ttc anymore, but I'm not sure if there is a dedicated forum for this or not.

I've got 2 boys (19 and 5) and have had 6mc's in a row. I get hyperemesis(severe morning sickness) with my pg's and with the physical difficulties of living with that and the pain of undergoing mc's, plus the emotional rollercoaster of finding out i'm pg, hoping, praying, having many scans etc, then losing my babies I just cannot go through it any more. It isn't fair on my youngest, my dh or myself. I need to live and be happy; i'm just not sure how....................... i've spent over 2.5yrs ttc, going through the ups and downs of falling pg, then losing them that I dont really know how to move on from this; its eating me away and I feel so down. I cant talk to anyone.......... actually that's not true, I dont want to talk to anyone. No one I know could possibly understand how I feel. I'm supposed to go back to work tomorrow (2 wks after my last ERPC) but I cant face it. I can feel that i'm starting to get panicky when I think about work (it's a very pressurised nursing job). I will have no support whatsover and cant make mistakes. I really need some help and to talk to someone who can relate and help me through this. Can anyone help or know anyone that can. Thanks for listening xx

 

[uwa_amanda]

My husband and I tried for six years to get pregnant. We did Provera and eight rounds of Clomid. NEVER had a bfp. We aren't trying anymore since this past May and are in limbo as to whether we want to give it another go. We aren't sure if we want to put me through anymore of the drugs, as the side effects really affected me. I am suspicious that I have PCOS, but my gyno didn't see any reason to think so. Did not bother doing any testing or further investigation. I am thinking about setting up an appt to see an RE in Birmingham, AL and talking to her to see if she can look into my suspicions. So that's my story...

I don't see here anywhere that there is a forum for people in mine and your situation. I would like to see one as I know I don't belong in the TTC section and I'm not sure if you'd count us at LTTTC anymore because we stopped. I have noone to talk to, no one in my personal life I want to talk to. No one understands what we are going through. I am thinking about doing some counseling to sort through my emotions and help us both figure out where to go from here.

 

[laustiredttc]

hello ladies. Me and dh have been ttc for 16months. I know thats nothing compared to what you ladies have endured so far. You both have my sympathies but i also want to say that no matter how dismal the situation looks, your never alone. I think both you ladies are so brave and strong to go through the journey and make it through the other side. I am kind of in limbo myself atm but i dont feel ready to throw in the towell. I admire you ladies who can say when enough is enough. I would just like to say that i hope that what ever decision you make leads you down a path to a blessed and happy fullfilled life.

 

[Donna210369]

thank you for replying

I'm so sorry that you've had to go through so much and are now just left with heartache.............. I suppose counselling is a good idea, I'd just like to be able to talk to someone who can relate. I can understand you not wanting to go through all the drugs again, there are some awful side effects. I did IVF last year and had frozen embryo transfer this year and the effects of drugs, scans, injections etc were awful to go through. Of course if they'd been successful it would have been worth it.

I just cant see how I move from the place i'm in now to a future not trying to have a baby. I am considering fostering to help fill the void and do some good at the same time. I know it will be a challenge but it will also fill my time and i've thought about doing it for many years. But maybe its not the right time to be making those sorts of decisions.

How are you feeling? Do you have any thoughts about how you see your future now you've stopped ttc or is it too raw at the moment. Sending hugs and thanks again for replying xx

 

[Donna210369]

thanks laustiredttc, I really hope for that too. I really want to be happy; I just dont know how to be. After all my mc's the only thing that kept me going was ttc but now I cant go through it all again to end up with nothing but heartache. But stopping scares me because I dont know what to do now Good luck hun, dont give up yet xx

 

[uwa_amanda]

I'm not sure I'm ready to say that enough is enough. I want to, but at the same time if I did, I'd feel like I was letting my husband down so bad. I feel like talking to a counselor to help me sort out our situation is definitely needed at this point to help us decide where to go from here. I am still at a very raw place and have cried more since May than the entire time we were trying to have a baby. I am not sure what our future is going to hold for us in that regard. I do know that our medical insurance doesn't cover anything above what we've already tried and adoption/fostering is out of the question for us for a myriad of reasons. I'm just a big ball of confusion! lol

 

[uwa_amanda]

thanks laustiredttc, I really hope for that too. I really want to be happy; I just dont know how to be. After all my mc's the only thing that kept me going was ttc but now I cant go through it all again to end up with nothing but heartache. But stopping scares me because I dont know what to do now Good luck hun, dont give up yet xx

Sounds like we're on the same boat!

 

[Donna210369]

what does your husband think about it? My dh wanted us to have another sooooo badly, in fact it was his idea, so i've totally felt like i've let him down. But he is adamant now that we're not to try anymore; he cant see me grieving for lost babies anymore. But like you, I feel worse now that we've decided to stop because its so final. Have you tried the 'not trying not preventing' option or is that impossible when you want something so badly. I would be really interested to see if counselling works; i'm going to my gp tomorrow so I think i'll talk to her about it. Your head must be a mess..... hugs xx

 

[laustiredttc]

I know what you mean ladies. When you have tried for so long and then are not rewarded for your efforts it is the most confusing feeling, 'do i carry on, or let it go'? Each carries their own heartache.

There have been times when i have said, 'oh bugger the lot of it' but then next cycle i just couldnt stop myself from taking that temp or poas. Its the feeling that if were still trying then were still in control of things. The amount of times i have asked, 'why' and said its not fair, screamed, sobbed, practically shut myself off from friends and family just to drown out the world. Even now after having gone through a few things myself i cant help but feel a bit of despair. A little voice in the back of my head saying it will never happen. But we fight it, because its a desperation, a yearning need, like fighting for air and never feeling it hit the lungs.

if we didn't have hope, what would we be left with?

I believe that whatever choice you make ladies will be the right one

 

[uwa_amanda]

what does your husband think about it? My dh wanted us to have another sooooo badly, in fact it was his idea, so i've totally felt like i've let him down. But he is adamant now that we're not to try anymore; he cant see me grieving for lost babies anymore. But like you, I feel worse now that we've decided to stop because its so final. Have you tried the 'not trying not preventing' option or is that impossible when you want something so badly. I would be really interested to see if counselling works; i'm going to my gp tomorrow so I think i'll talk to her about it. Your head must be a mess..... hugs xx

My husband is a very supportive person. We did the "not trying not preventing" from the time he got back from deployment until a year after we got married. He was deployed from Aug 2004 through Dec 2005. We got married in June 2005 during his two week leave. That is one thing that has been a blessing. My husband has been so wonderful about this whole thing.

 

[arizonagal]

I totally respect your decision to stop ttc and just enjoy the family you already have. I'm sure it will get easier with time and you'll forget all about these TTC boards

 

[stayinhappy]

I myself...who has always remained positive and relatively happy in this long 23 month process...with no BFP, I too am now at a point where I need to take a break. This is my break from now until we start the IUI in Jan/Feb 2013. Even though I try to not think about it too much or stress about it...I'm still aware of my CD's, when we "should" be trying, worrying if this is the month...will it happen for me, will my coffee ruin my chances, blah blah blah. Its stressfull even trying to not be stressful. So I am personally just putting it ALL away for a month or two...to start to rejoin normal life. No more vitamins, ASA, soft cups, Ovulation tests...timed BD'ing...no no no. I need a break. And honestly...I am a Labor and Delivery Nurse...how ironic is that? Hahaha...I can get them out but I cant get a baby into me. Anywho...to cut my long story short...YES I understand when its time for a "mental health break" and to stop. My DH is agreeable...to my plan of rest. And I'm tired of everyone falling pregnant around me...I have finally come to accept its just not gonna happen for us without some kind of bigger assistance from FS...IUI hopefully is our ticket. Until then, I plan on rejoining normal life. Best of luck to you ladies!!

 

[2have4kids]

Oh StayinHappy, that's so ironic. I am sorry for all of you having to go through the poop that you have. I love to talk about the distractions and it's nice to hear when you set your eyes on a different target how things kind of stop bubbling over.
The distractions you wonder? Yes, the chats I've had with people about their hobbies

• knitting (I've always wanted to learn) this lady was inspiring
• I foster pregnant cats, we take abandoned little girl pregnant cats in and make them feel safe and wanted while they have their kittens. They have their own bedroom and a cozy little nest in a kitchen sink crate that we've decked out. In time we then vaccinate, fix and adopt everyone out to forever homes, sometimes together sometimes seperately. We just got three wee abandonded kittens yesterday for the holidays. 2 months old and full of piss and vinegar. The holidays will be fun, needless to say.
• favourite shows/movies (Lost, Lie to me, Spartacus, Breaking Bad, Real Time with Bill Maher, Damages etc)
• Sports: we mountain climb, hike, kayak and swim. Off to the gym & pool in the spare time.

That's the real stuff that life is all about but I've only been able to hear/share mostly in PM's about the real life of the amazing ladies on B&B. So if you ever just want to chat, I'm here-for real in a thread or pm

I've just asked for info from a few different adoption agencies around my city. It can't hurt, I need to know what the hoops are. I know it's a 3 year wait and time isn't going to wait for me. It's helped alleviate some of the burden on my shoulders. It's not for everyone but it's certainly another path to having a child in my life.
I'm wishing you the best in which ever direction you choose. I'm here if you just want to chat about non ttc stuff too