Is there anything legally I need to do?

[baileybubs]

Hi there

This may be a really strange question, but is there anything I legally have to do now that me and the father of my children have split up? I have the children 99.9% of the time (due to FOB being a) lazy and b) not having a suitable living accommodation). He sees them for about 7 hours a week and he seems ok with that. I'd prefer more but obviously I can't force him to have them more can I? But do I need to somehow state that I have full custody in a legal way? Does that make sense?
Also my friend said I should write a will naming a legal guardian if anything should happen to me, seen as I live with my parents of course it would be them, but would it matter what my will said seen as he is their father, wouldn't he just automatically get full custody of them?

 

[teal]

I'm not sure if he would get custody but I would think there was a good chance if he's on the birth certificate and has half the parental responsibility. Maybe it would be worth speaking to a solicitor about your options and if it's worthwhile having a will drawn up.

It was different for me because my ex isn't involved (his choice) and has never even met my son (again, his choice) so he's not named on the birth certificate which gives me full parental responsibility.

 

[KylasBaby]

It would probably definitely protect you to have a legal custody order. It can always be changed, but will say how long FOB has then and whatnot. It would also assure that he can't one day decide he wants to share custody, you know?

And yes, he is their father so legally the children will go to him. You can always have a will and put in what you want to happen with the kids, but unless FOB is incapacitated as well, he would get them. He could chose not to. Like full custody could go to your parents and he could have visitation as he does now, but that would be up to him legally.

 

[baileybubs]

Thanks ladies, I thought as much kylasbaby, that he would get them unless he didn't want them. To be honest I don't think he even would as he wouldn't know how to start but then that's now, perhaps when they are older it would be different and seen as my parents are a massive part of their lives and he is a tiny one I would hate to think they wouldn't even be considered! I would discuss this with him but he's just too immature to have a proper conversation about it.

I think I might speak to a solicitor. I wouldn't mind him having more like joint custody (maybe if he had them one night a week or a couple of nights every 2 weeks) if one day he wanted to, but then again if he continues just seeing them 7 hours a week like he is now I may change my mind. I don't want him to suddenly want them more often which might disrupt them.

 

[KylasBaby]

Thanks ladies, I thought as much kylasbaby, that he would get them unless he didn't want them. To be honest I don't think he even would as he wouldn't know how to start but then that's now, perhaps when they are older it would be different and seen as my parents are a massive part of their lives and he is a tiny one I would hate to think they wouldn't even be considered! I would discuss this with him but he's just too immature to have a proper conversation about it.

I think I might speak to a solicitor. I wouldn't mind him having more like joint custody (maybe if he had them one night a week or a couple of nights every 2 weeks) if one day he wanted to, but then again if he continues just seeing them 7 hours a week like he is now I may change my mind. I don't want him to suddenly want them more often which might disrupt them.

Exactly, that's why it helps to get it in writing. So he can't all of a sudden decide after having them 7 hours that he wants them a couple of days and disrupt their lives.

It's too bad you can't talk to him about this. It would put your mind at rest.

 

[baileybubs]

I know, I wish I could but he seems to have reverted back to his youth since leaving me (either that or I just never noticed how immature he was). He's currently dating an 18 year old (he's 27 and I'm 31) and does nothing but go out drinking with her. So I get no sense from him. And it's another reason I worry about when he has them, I'm sure the 18 year old is lovely but I don't like the idea of her taking care of my kids too so I just want to know where I stand legally as their sole carer iykwim