Is this acting Inappropriately?

[KittyVentura]

At our local HUUUUUGE soft play there is a Thomas Tank ride. You know, 50p makes it sway back and forth and play music etc. When we go to that soft play Fin always gets to have a ride as we get ready to leave.

It's in the middle of big open area and the music is loud from it so the kids flock to it... And usually the parents are nowhere to be seen. Often when we go to use it there is a stubborn kid sat in it, unmoving, not actually having a go but just not letting any others clamber on it. Again, the parents are not close by and usually kindly asking the kid to get down does nothing.

So now, as the seat is wide enough to easily accomodate 2 kiddies, I usually just explain to the kid on it that if they let Fin sit with them I will put some money in for them to have a ride. This is nice as Fin loves to share his ride and the kid usually make friends through it and have fun together...

But near every time, the loud music gets attention so the parents wander over and just give me a look. Never saying thank you or making conversation... And then whipping their child away as soon as it is finished... Saying something about not stealing goes to them as they wander off.

And it makes me wonder, is that the wrong thing for me to be doing? I know if it was the other way round, firstly I am always watching Fin anyway so he'd not be sat on a ride stopping others using it, but if some kind parent let Fin on with their kid I'd be really grateful and thank them etc. That's what I base my approach on, what I would like to see happen if it were my child... But the reactions make me feel it's an odd thing to do.

The same goes for playing. If I am in the soft play running about and chasing Fin and I see other kids looking on with interest, I will involve them. Sometimes having chase and hide games with 5 or 6 random kids as well as Fin... Which I think is the nice thing to do. But I get looked at like some predator or something. The same for making conversation about coloured balls etc if a child comes to me when in the toddler bit with Amelia... Or if a child around Fin's age comes and takes interest in her I will let them carefully hug her etc.

Am I too friendly for today's society? I hate to think other people's children should be ignored or excluded just because we live in a world where we see any interaction as a threat.

 

[Cattia]

I took my children to one of those massive soft play areas and it was horrendous, it was in the school holidays so there were quite a few older children there. I had to physically break up a fight between a bunch of boys as nobody was watching them. The parents just don't seem interested. No, I don't think you did anything wrong. I know it's hare to keep an eye on older children all the time but to be honest a lot of then in there were running riot and hurting the younger kids. I haven't been back there since!

 

[ILoveShoes]

I don't think you're behaving inappropriately. I think you sound lovely.
Tbh, though, I watch my LO like a hawk at soft play - I can't understand parents who leave their kids completely unsupervised.
I might sit and watch LO while he plays (if he's happy), but I'd never not be watching him.
xx

 

[fantastica]

No you're not in the wrong, i'd probably do the same. If someone did that for Jacob i'd be thanking them etc, although actually thinking about it i'd maybe presume that Jacob had jumped on as well or was not letting the other child on (although if it was the case, i'd likely be there moving him), but if you said that you didn't mind or whatever then it wouldn't be a big deal. Sometimes I feel bad if Jacob goes over to another parent, but only in case he's bothering them, not because I mind people talking to him!

Sorry that was a bit long winded, but no you're not doing anything wrong!

 

[LoraLoo]

I dont think you've done anything wrong, but if it was Amy she'd start screaming

She's quite happy to sit on them while they are still, so if we go anywhere i let her sit on it (while i am with her), if a child comes along i lift her off and she is fine with that. But if i put money in, she screams, they terrify her!

I just think its a sad society we live in where children aren't allowed to play with other children

 

[Gingerspice]

I too watch our LO like a hawk and I then feel very uncomfortable when talking to other chldren. Undoubtedly you get latch ons who clearly want their parents to be going round with them also, but often you then get the parents coming over after a while and then they make snide remarks about me intervening or adults playing with children. If they actually took the time with their child then they wouldn't be able to latch on when they obviously are doing it for attention.
The one we go to is very busy at weekends and school holidays. LO can do it all herself, even goes in he older section but I follow her and if she's out of sight I look around to find her and catch up.

I don't think you've done anything wrong but it is likely to lead to the other parents being embarassed that their child got a free ride through their own disinterest and them not being there to have either whisked their child off altogether to then not get a ride or have been there to then have thanked you properly in advance rather than the awkwardness of it afterwards.

I fear others will be assuming predatory fears which is why I try to lose the children that attch themselves to us. I don't want the responsibility of somebody elses child and I don't want to put myself in the position of somebody then claiming I've done wrong. Its awful to think that thats how society is, but it would be all too easy for some parent to make some accusation and it getting all blown out of proportion.

We've lived through that hell before and wouldn't wish it on anybody.

 

[pichi]

i don't think it's inappropriate at all. The mother of this child obviously wasn't looking out for their kid before he got on it - why should she be cold towards you for letting them rid on the toy with Fin once she realises where her child is?

i don't understand folk that plonk their kids into soft play then go off and do their thing and let their kids terrorise other kids (i've seen that happen before!)

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I dont think you've done anything wrong, but if it was Amy she'd start screaming

She's quite happy to sit on them while they are still, so if we go anywhere i let her sit on it (while i am with her), if a child comes along i lift her off and she is fine with that. But if i put money in, she screams, they terrify her!

I just think its a sad society we live in where children aren't allowed to play with other children

haha ruby is the same, I suppose at least it saves us money!

 

[Banshee]

I dont think you've done anything wrong, but if it was Amy she'd start screaming

She's quite happy to sit on them while they are still, so if we go anywhere i let her sit on it (while i am with her), if a child comes along i lift her off and she is fine with that. But if i put money in, she screams, they terrify her!

I just think its a sad society we live in where children aren't allowed to play with other children

Ds1 is like this too - he gets frightened when they are moving. But he would't be sitting in it without me being very nearby anyway.

 

[rosie272]

No I don't think it's inappropriate, I think it's a nice thing to do. There's a fire engine one in my local as shopping centre with 4 seats and I always say to any kids that are there they can jump on if they want, and most parents are usually nice about it. Pretty sad if that's a problem for them! There was a horse carousel one when we were on holiday and most of the parents there took turns of putting money in for all the kids to have a go (6 seats) would be a total waste to have 1 kid on a ride with 6 seats.

 

[Sarah lo]

I don't think its inappropriate at all. I should think the parents of these kids behave like that to you out of guilt and embarrassment that you've had to do their job for them

 

[pa2k84]

I think i would more apologise on behalf of my child for rufusing to move (and thanking for letting them ride of course)

What soft play do you go to i don't usually venture into the ones in Swindon but we love the bonkers one at butterfly world

 

[emyandpotato]

Not at all. I play with loads of kids at soft play because I am a massive kid myself and love going down the slides and things. Once a little boy decided I was his best friend for the afternoon and wouldn't let me go, and spent hours going around the climbing frames and down the slides with me and Rory, who was only just crawling at the time. His parents didn't mind at all, and everyone who's children I've met at soft play have been lovely. The only thing that has every bothered me was when Rory was about 11 months and was having a go on a moving Balamory bus, like the ride you mentioned, and four much older boys, all brothers, climbed on with him and were pushing him out of the way and being very boisterous with him. Their mother just laughed about it. But no, in general, the friendlier the better I think!

 

[Foogirl]

I would probably tell the other child that they can have a shot with my LO if they run and ask their parents if it is ok. I probably wouldn't do it without their permission.

The only thing that might make me think twice is I know a lot of parents who never let their children have a paid ride on these things and some who have given their children all sorts of reasons they can't. Not only that, I know my daughter used to go nuts if you put money in it and you never know what kind of child you are dealing with it. Imagine if you put the money in it and they had a hissy fit.

 

[seoj]

Honestly, you sound like a lovely involved parent who is open to showing your LO how to involve other kids. This is rare these days I think, As most kids (by watching their parents) seem to be so disconnected to the world around them. Not all- by any means, and I've come across some very sweet kids/parents. But not always. I would thin it very nice if someone took it upon themselves to do what you've explained. Personally, I always keep an eye on my LO when at places like that- which is rare- as the ones closest to us are insane during the day- so we have to go super early and there is maybe only 2-3 other kids there. If I go in the afternoon- parents just dump there older kids off and pay no attention and it's too crazy for my LO's age and she'd get trampled if I wasn't behind her the entire time- so it's not so fun for me. LOL. but she loves to enteract- and I find it lovely when other parents talk to me or ask questions or try to help our kids play together.

KUDOS! Keep it up- you are doing great. It's a bit sad other parents aren't as involved there. But maybe some will be by following your lead?

 

[jensha]

Every time I see kids alone in a playing area and no adult seems to be watching over them, I always wonder WTF is wrong with those parents. When kids talk to me, I always look around to see if their parents are near and if I get a look of approval or not. When there is no one looking at them, I feel very uncomfortable talking to these kids. I just want to ask "where the hell are your parents?". OP, I think it was rude that those parents didn't even say thank you. If they didn't want their kid to have a ride with someone else, or even at all, they should have taken him off the ride so others can enjoy it.

 

[080509]

Honestly some people are so ignorant, this is why i hate soft play (but still go as they both love it) I was playing with my 2 and a little boy approx 2 years old, asked me to help him up, so unsure what to do (is it even ok to help someone elses child up these days?) i said to my sister, do i help him up or not? She said yes, so i did, his mum came over and threw me a dirty look, i said i helped him up because he asked me to and nobody was around to help him. She said "i was sat having a coffee relaxing whilst my kids play for abit" Right fair enough, but don't look at me like i'm a child molester or something because you couldn't be faffed to involve with your kid! GRRR!
xx

 

[KittyVentura]

Thanks for the replies guys. Glad I'm not seriously misjudging the situation. Xx

I think i would more apologise on behalf of my child for rufusing to move (and thanking for letting them ride of course)

What soft play do you go to i don't usually venture into the ones in Swindon but we love the bonkers one at butterfly world

We usually drive over to Bonkers to be honest as it's calmer and nicer for Fin... And Ian loves the ball guns. But as we're in Nythe it's a good 20 mins and a motorway drive down for us. If I have someone with me we walk to Jolly Rogers, which is where we went today, as it's a 20 min walk. Only problem with that one is that is is SO big I have to go on everything with Fin which obviously doesn't work with Amelia too if by myself... I'd not even fit through things wearing her. So have to have company now so one parent can go in and the other stay with Cabbageface. If you ever want to come JRs, let me know xx

 

[Pixelle]

You've done nothing wrong Kitty. I'd be pleased to have a parent like you at the soft play we go to!

But again, the judgey pants comments about 'poor children playing on their own' come in. They always do with these threads.

My son is very sociable with adults, not so much children. He quite happily goes up to adults and babbles away, or joins in with play.
That doesn't mean he's neglected! I could play with him until the cows come home but he'd still want to interact with other adults. He spends half the time doing his own thing and the other half is spent playing with me.

 

[ILoveShoes]

You've done nothing wrong Kitty. I'd be pleased to have a parent like you at the soft play we go to!

But again, the judgey pants comments about 'poor children playing on their own' come in. They always do with these threads.

My son is very sociable with adults, not so much children. He quite happily goes up to adults and babbles away, or joins in with play.
That doesn't mean he's neglected! I could play with him until the cows come home but he'd still want to interact with other adults. He spends half the time doing his own thing and the other half is spent playing with me.

I don't think anyone has made comments about children being "neglected" or being "poor children."
I think its more that there are some parents who are oblivious to what their kids are upto at soft play, coz they're not paying attention.
xx