Is this just hormones, emotions, or am I just an ungrateful evil bitch? Seriously....

[Laylagirl]

So this Tuesday was my LO's second birthday.... My husband and I decided not to throw a party for her since we did one last year. But instead, we decided to take her out. We went to a resort and rented a cabana by the pool. We had so much fun. The day before that, we went to Sea World. she loved that place. Today we tood her to a county fair and this ended our trip. We had a good time. But upon returning home, we walked in and there were balloons tied to the stairs and decorations in the kitched with glittler and confetti. My husband's sister has a house key so she and my mother in law came ober and did this while we were gone. I do not like this one bit. Not one bit and am so bothered. My husband and I havent spoken since seeing this so I know he knows I dont like it. He wouldnt like it if I gave a key to my sister ans she just came in. I dont know, am i just being a bitch? His family all they do is bitch and complain that my husband doesnt pay enough attention to them. And if he isnt, they blame me. I hate this family. Please tell me your thiughts?

 

[Maybe1daysoon]

What is the harm of the decorations? I feel like I'm missing something or unclear of the situation? Are you angry that you have to clean it up or that she was in your home? Fill in the blanks here Lol.

 

[kimmy04]

I think I would be impressed if oh's family surprised my son like that on his birthday. Seems like a great way to end the trip? That's just my opinion but it seems like a sweet gesture from family who really care about your LO. My husbands family won't even be in the country for my sons 3rd birthday.. They planned a vacation leaving the day before.

The surprise sounds quite nice to me!

 

[kimmy04]

Also why are you not speaking with your husband because of this? Did he go behind your back and help them plan it or something?

 

[mrspeanut]

I don't like dh's family just using their key to get in to our house when they want. It would annoy me if they'd just not checked out it was ok. But overall it was a sweet gesture meant for your daughter, not to show you up. Afterall you had all the fun on the days out with her and without them (which is perfectly ok), so they were probably trying to feel like they contributed to her birthday celebrations somehow. I don't think you're being a bitch, but there are different ways to interpret this story and your hubby seems to be taking the rap for his family's actions. I would try and let it go, you don't want to spoil a fab birthday

 

[Yo_Yo]

I'd say it's probably more about the underlying issues than the fact they did this party for your lo.
What they did in itself isn't really bad, and they probably wanted to celebrate her birthday too, but obviously there's things underneath that are bubbling away and causing issues.

You need to talk to your husband as he is caught in the middle between his mother and you, so that's no fun either for him.

 

[Brightxeyes]

I can understand the whole people letting themselves in your home. I wouldn't personally like it unless I knew about it.

Although saying that my mom came and pulled out weeds and planted some flowers by my driveway. But she never went in my house, so that's different.

I kinda get it. And horomones do make things seem so much worse than they are. Just speak with your husband, tell him it bothered you and why, and it doesn't help with the horomones.

I'm not a massive fan of surprises myself. Eg. My partner said he was going to get his friends round to paint the babies room. Which is a very sweet thought, but I wanted to be involved in it, so I'm glad he never had the time to do it! And now I've done it and we didn't do plain cream and did something with more colour etc which I'm glad I had involvement in!

Surprises can just sometimes get to you! So I know that you're a bit miffed but try and let it go as horomones and don't hold it against them. But because it's not a surprise for YOU, they maybe should have ran it by. But then again maybe they did want to surprise YOU knowing your expecting as well, they wanted to do something for you eg. Do some decorations so you don't have to try and see it that way maybe? Xxxx

 

[staceymxxx]

I'd be 50/50 on this one... i hate people coming to my home uninvited but then i'd be over moon for little one

 

[tamina800]

I'd actually feel pretty good if someone did that for my son. I don't think they were trying to annoy you at all. Maybe they just wanted to do their bit to celebrate. I think it was a nice gesture. Do they let themselves in to your house often? If not, then you should smile and let this go.

 

[pinkribbon]

It's a nice gesture and I think it came from a kind place with kind thoughts but yes I'd be bothered they were coming into my house uninvited.

 

[AMB2013]

I might be a little uneasy that people came into my house without my knowing, but I would keep in mind that it was meant as a kindness. If you don't feel comfortable with his family coming in unannounced, you might want to take away those extra house keys and only give them back if you need someone to take care of pets/plants. You don't even have to be mean about it. Say something along the lines of "Hey...can I get that extra key to my house? I seem to have lost mine and I need to make a duplicate."

Then sort of "forget" to give it back. Otherwise, I agree with a pp who said that underlying issues might need to be addressed, with both DH and his family.

 

[lala222]

I'd also feel 50/50 about it. very sweet they went to all that work to throw a party for your little one, but I'm guessing here the fact your upset is because you weren't going to throw a party and maybe just wanted to relax upon coming home from your trip? I could see myself being like, ugh, we just had our own party in our own way and wanted to relax upon coming home, not come home to this. I may be way wrong, but I can sort of see both sides.

 

[Surprised26]

Well, personally, I'd flip out if my inlaws just randomly popped into my house. Sure the surprise was nice for your lo, but why couldn't they have asked your permission before barging into your home? The only part that you might reflect on is that unless your husband had prior knowledge, taking it out on him will do more harm than good. Definitely express how much it upsets you, I'd never allow my home to be violated in that manor. Yes, it's just a birthday party, and maybe it's just innocent fun, but who know if someone that helped with the decorating had sticky fingers, or something. Just the thought of someone digging through my stuff whether it just be for a pair of scissors to cut the streamers p*sses me off. It's a huge violation of your personal space.

 

[Gnomer]

My inlaws did pretty much exactly the same thing for my little boys 2nd birthday. I loved it.
My little brother passed away the month before my sons birthday, I didn't want a party or to be around people. We took our son to visit close relatives of mine during the day, got home, and there were balloons and a lovely little buffet done for the three of us (me, OH and little boy). They just came in, tied the balloons and set up the food they'd already made at their house. I was absolutely over the moon. It was perfect, and I didn't feel like they'd intruded. They'd let OH know they had something planned and he'd given them a spare key (they don't normally have one, just that occasion).
I knew it was done out of love and there was nothing malicious.

If they'd invited a ton of people into my home, and thrown a party id have been mad. But they didn't. They love my son, they love my OH, and I know that they just wanted to make us smile.

 

[Laylagirl]

For me, it's that number one, they blame me if my husband doesn't call them or visit them a certain number of times a week...he works full time and mid days...I used to call and invite them out but then it got to the point they were kinda tired of me..they wanted time with my husband...which is fine...but when husband and I got married, I moved into his house and we got rid of mine...I feel like them letting themselves inside shows that this is more their family home than it would be mine...and my sister in law made it a point to put up framed photos of herself and son. Which would be fine if she gave them to us first and WE put them up. His sister doesn't speak to me. I told her once that I really enjoy being her sons aunt and I would like to receive pictures of him as well...but she makes it a point to send my husband pictures about twice a day of her son and putting "hi uncle"! On all if them. It makes me feel so left out and unwanted. So I think that's where most of my irritation comes from with the decorations here. They have made clear that they want their brother/son to call them more and visit, otherwise they have no need to speak to me. And I encouraged him to make more time for them. He has, and now this is where I am.

 

[Laylagirl]

I'd also feel 50/50 about it. very sweet they went to all that work to throw a party for your little one, but I'm guessing here the fact your upset is because you weren't going to throw a party and maybe just wanted to relax upon coming home from your trip? I could see myself being like, ugh, we just had our own party in our own way and wanted to relax upon coming home, not come home to this. I may be way wrong, but I can sort of see both sides.

I was definitely looking forward to relaxing after a long few days of fun..and to walk into a house with balloons and confetti, I wS caught off guard. I actually didn't know which of the family members did it. They put up an invitation to a baby shower for one if their relatives in my fridge and to be honest, I don't even know if it's meant for us or what...there's no envelope and my husband doesn't talk to those members...so I'm confused....I just feel like with this family I'm in a spot where I have to roll with how they feel like treating me and I can't say anything.

 

[msq]

I think it is a nice thing to do, it seems it was them trying to be involved in celebrating your lo's birthday. But I do kind of understand not wanting people to come in your house, but they are family.

 

[slowpoke22]

If they generally treat you as mean as you say, then this was uncalled for. To come into your home and do this, while making you feel second best most of the time? yeah i'd flip.

 

[cncem]

First off I love your decision to not have a party and instead do fun things with your kiddo. That is about where I am now. I just had a birthday party for my daughter turning 11, my husband spent alot of money on cake and food and grilled hamburgers hot dogs and chicken and not alot of people came. My daughter was so disappointed. Those that did come didn't bring her a present. Why spend all that money on other people to have a good time, I'd rather spend it on her doing fun stuff and getting her presents. Second, it seems like they did it out of spite and against your wishes. While it is nice for your little one to have decorations and such it may make her wish she'd had a party. I'd get my key back if I were you. I'm sorry you have to deal with people like that.

 

[immie]

I would actually be annoyed too. At the end of the day they've held an event in your house, invited to guests to your house and all with out your permission. I see it as slightly intefering! If they did it at their own house I wouldn't be as bothered.