Is this just hormones, emotions, or am I just an ungrateful evil bitch? Seriously....

[cncem]

I wouldn't be bothered at all if they wanted to have a little family get together or something like that at their house, that would be fine. But putting up decorations and such behind your back, to me, is just flaunting the fact that they have a key and access to your personal, intimate space. It seems they are also trying to make your little one feel as if you don't care enough to throw them a party. You have every right to be angry about this, like I said they did it out of spite. If they really wanted to do something nice for your little one they'd have done so at their own house. My husband has a few family members that I plain don't trust, they'll smile in my face and stab me in the back. I wouldn't take it out on husband, that is exactly what they want, to pit you two against each other. And it's working, you say you and your husband are not talking? They may be trying to break you two up. It may seem like a nice gesture, but I'm good at seeing through the bs and seeing people for what they really are. Don't let them cause trouble in your marriage.

 

[CharlieKeys]

I'd personally be pissed if my in laws went into my house when I was away, and did something like this. But, I have issues with my MIL ....

 

[Laylagirl]

I wouldn't be bothered at all if they wanted to have a little family get together or something like that at their house, that would be fine. But putting up decorations and such behind your back, to me, is just flaunting the fact that they have a key and access to your personal, intimate space. It seems they are also trying to make your little one feel as if you don't care enough to throw them a party. You have every right to be angry about this, like I said they did it out of spite. If they really wanted to do something nice for your little one they'd have done so at their own house. My husband has a few family members that I plain don't trust, they'll smile in my face and stab me in the back. I wouldn't take it out on husband, that is exactly what they want, to pit you two against each other. And it's working, you say you and your husband are not talking? They may be trying to break you two up. It may seem like a nice gesture, but I'm good at seeing through the bs and seeing people for what they really are. Don't let them cause trouble in your marriage.

Yeah, we are not talking....it feels really bad right now. He left for work today and didn't say anything to me. But when we talked about it earlier, he told me he's sick and tired of this...I'm really hurt by the things he said. His sister is just not nice...and my mil even gave the key to my brother in law do he could get something from our home without even letting me know...I mean I live there too. No courtesy...there is no way I can get the key back. It's my husbands call and he won't do that. I don't know what's going to happen but my husband has hurt me again....last month we got into a fight...over the family again...I've tried with that family...his problem with me yesterday was that I didn't get all excited over the decorations...so that made him mad. Last month for Mother's Day, even though his mom was mad at me, I bought her a gift. It was a perfume that she likes from The Body Shop...when she opened it up, she said "you got me this one one before, I don't use it". I guess she wanted the perfume OIL...I didn't know she had a preference..my mistake. But she didn't say thank you just that she didn't use it and didn't like it. But I let it go. How is that any different than me not getting excited over her usage of a key she shouldn't have?

 

[Laylagirl]

Idk...things are just not good right now....I'm having a boy that we were naming after my husband, but now I'm not so sure it's a good idea. I love my husband, but he's not the type to say he didn't mean what he said. So maybe I'll be the one who has their keys taken away...I just feel so hurt by the things he said about our relationship...

 

[ToughhGal]

I would be upset as well. They treat you like a fly on the wall and invade your space without consent. My MIL is a bit too intrusive and overbearing so I can easily place myself in your position. Just talk to your husband because I am sure he would understand your true feelings. Also get that key back! I also think a big sit down/discussion should be in place to release those pushed down tensions. How you feel is how you feel. Best of luck

 

[NotNic]

I agree with a lot of what's been said - nice gesture but very obtrusive. Personally I wouldn't be happy with people being in my house without my knowledge. My mil has a key as she has my son once a week and if I was held up I didn't want them waiting outside for me. One time though she got there early and did some housework. I was mortified. It was nice of her to do that, but I was so embarrassed that she cleaned our toilet! Your home is your space. Whatever the intention there are some personal space issues that are crossed when someone enters your house without permission and I think the feelings over the decorations etc. is more about your relationships. I think you need to be honest with oh, but try to be rational. Explain it makes you feel uncomfortable and you wouldn't want it to happen again and then try to let it go. If it happens again then you're in a much better position to ask for the keys back.

 

[NotNic]

I'd personally be pissed if my in laws went into my house when I was away, and did something like this. But, I have issues with my MIL ....

Ah not just me then with a challenging one!

 

[cncem]

I'm sorry Laylagirl, that sucks all around. I could sense that there was more to it. How do you talk to your husband about what is going on? He may feel like your being unreasonable and nitpicking and he may feel attacked and threatened. You may want to approach things like "I feel hurt when..." type of way. You may want to explain how you are feeling about the decorations, or about the way they treat you and give examples, but not in an angry tone, ranting about his family type of way. He may feel like he is being put in the middle. I'm sorry about his family getting in between your relationship. As hard as it is, for the sake of your relationship, just try not to let stuff that they do bother you. Be the bigger person here, and don't let sister in law or mother in law get to you.

 

[Laylagirl]

I would be upset as well. They treat you like a fly on the wall and invade your space without consent. My MIL is a bit too intrusive and overbearing so I can easily place myself in your position. Just talk to your husband because I am sure he would understand your true feelings. Also get that key back! I also think a big sit down/discussion should be in place to release those pushed down tensions. How you feel is how you feel. Best of luck

Thank you all for responding...this day has been hard, but you are all helping me through it.

I think it WOULDNT have bothered me so much if they weren't so exclusive when it comes to my husband and daughter. They will invite me to attend family functions, but (I have two daughters from a previous relationship) if I have them, they retract the invitation. I feel like I'm living a double life. My girls go with their dad for three days a week. During those three days my in laws want to spend time with my husband and daughter as if we are all one big happy family. My mil doesn't like that I have two children. She said it causes problems. But I put my foot down and told my husband no more of that. My daughters are his step children and they deserve equal respect as my LO. If they can't, then they can exclude my LO as well as the rest if us. I love my children. I do talk to my husband but he doesn't like talking about anything. So right now I'm just at odds...I don't know what to do. I'm just so hurt. That family always gets away with their behavior....my sister in law invited my LO to chuck e cheese pizza place but not my two girls. That's hurtful. Hurtful to my girls. They always plan things for when I don't have my daughters. Apparently there's a baby shower for someone in their family next weekend. My mil invited me to go but when I saw that family for Easter in April, they didn't even say hello to me..so why the hell would I spend MY money on them?!?! My husband never buys gifts for his family members. Never. So I'm usually the one using my savings on things like that. Last weekend I even went to a birthday party for his cousins (who he doesn't talk to much) little girl. I never met these people but I bought a gift and went. I had a nice time so I'm glad I went. I always make the effort to get to know his family members. I love family. He works a lot so I want to be able to go to family functions as a representative of OUR family...not go as part of the in laws caravan...they all do that. But I want to be thought of as our own family. Anyway...I'm just venting still I guess... Thank you

 

[ToughhGal]

Well I would honestly keep all my children away from the in laws until these problems are addressed. You and all your children are a packaged deal and none of them should feel any less than the other because of blood. Everyonein this situation needs to open their eyes and realize how much damage this can do to a young child.

 

[lala222]

For me, it's that number one, they blame me if my husband doesn't call them or visit them a certain number of times a week...he works full time and mid days...I used to call and invite them out but then it got to the point they were kinda tired of me..they wanted time with my husband...which is fine...but when husband and I got married, I moved into his house and we got rid of mine...I feel like them letting themselves inside shows that this is more their family home than it would be mine...and my sister in law made it a point to put up framed photos of herself and son. Which would be fine if she gave them to us first and WE put them up. His sister doesn't speak to me. I told her once that I really enjoy being her sons aunt and I would like to receive pictures of him as well...but she makes it a point to send my husband pictures about twice a day of her son and putting "hi uncle"! On all if them. It makes me feel so left out and unwanted. So I think that's where most of my irritation comes from with the decorations here. They have made clear that they want their brother/son to call them more and visit, otherwise they have no need to speak to me. And I encouraged him to make more time for them. He has, and now this is where I am.

Now that you've elaborated on why you were upset and how they treat you I DEFINITELY see your point. It would have pissed me off as well seeing as how they treat you so poorly, then think they can just barge into your home. for sure is crossing the line!