Is this "normal", is it a "phase" and does it pass?

Discussion in 'Toddler & Pre-School' started by KittyVentura, Nov 20, 2011.

  1. KittyVentura

    KittyVentura Autism Mum

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    Ok. So part of me is over the moon about this but part of me is a little worried.

    Fin is starting to show a clear preference for Mummy when it comes to everything.

    Until about 2 weeks ago he just WOULDN'T be cuddled or sit on your lap - he has just been very independant from birth. Well for the past 2 weeks he's slowly starting to want to sit on my lap more and cuddle me more. Which is nice. However he simply REFUSES to be hugged or sit on Daddy's lap. He will allow himself to be held etc by him but this new liking of cuddles and lap time has only come my way.

    He's started refusing to eat if Daddy is offering it (except his bedtime bottle which he will still take from either). Will clamp his mouth shut and just refuse to be fed, but it I try he will take it.

    If we're out and he's not in the buggy he only wants to hold my hand or be carried by me

    You get the idea.

    So yeah. Is it normal to start to prefer one parent and sort of refuse the other? Is it just part of growing?

    Does it pass?

    If anyone has experienced this, how long did it go on for?

    ETA - I sort of worry that Ian will take it to heart and get upset by it. He's always said he wishes Fin would cuddle... when he'd never cuddle with anyone... and now for him to do it but not want to with him I feel bad for him. xx
     
  2. NuKe

    NuKe mummy to 2 gorgeous girls

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    omg Jem, this happened to us when poppy was about 7 months. as soon as barry even got home from work and she saw him she started crying! wouldnt be held, or even let him change her nappy! broke his heart but it passed after a few weeks. now, when he's in the house (evenings and weekends) i may as well not be here, if he leaves the room she gets hysterical! it'll pass :hugs:
     
  3. louandivy

    louandivy Well-Known Member

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    This happened a while back with Ivy, it upset Dom sooo much. Now Dom has special 'daddy daughter' days when he takes her out on his own and also puts her to bed most nights, I also go out once or twice a week and he tends to bring her into bed with him so they get special cuddling time too. Its definitely made a huge difference, but I think its a very normal phase that toddlers go through, especially if they spend almost all their time with their mum! It'll definitely pass.
     
  4. RainbowDrop_x

    RainbowDrop_x Well-Known Member

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    My DD has just come out of this phase!!

    It started 3 weeks or so ago.. She wasn't interested in anyone but me.. If I left the room she screamed. If I wasn't by her side constantly she was screaming. She's now fine and over it.. At the time though she was teething so I think that may have been the problem (It was her fangs as well she's normally ok when teething)

    OH did get upset by it but she more than made up with him the time she didn't want to know!
     
  5. KittyVentura

    KittyVentura Autism Mum

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    Thanks guys. Really appreciate the info and experience xx
     
  6. Noirin

    Noirin Well-Known Member

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    zak is like this, i was kind of worried because he will not hug or kiss any1, although my sister can sometimes get a kiss out of him by stealin his dummy and he'll do it to get it back, wont do this with me as he crys and i give in were my sister is evil and keeps it up lol anyway these last few weeks hes started to climb on the soda and sit beside me or on top of me, not exactly cuddling but getin there but if my husband or anyone lifts him he crys to get put down....he prefers to be crawling around/ playin than bein held by any1, only if he hurts himself he'll allow me and only me to cuddle him for about 5 seconds then hes off again, hes older than ur LO and its startin to worry me, hes just not afectionate at all :S will keep an eye on this thread lol sorry for the lack of help!! but i gues it is normal for LO to prefer one over the other espicialy if they spend more time with one xx
     
  7. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    normal and a phase...I would just go with it...I think it would end sooner than kicking up a fuss.
     
  8. kerrie24

    kerrie24 me,him and 3 lo's

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    Owen is the opposite,he has to make do with me during the day but when Ian gets in from work and weekends,he wont have anything to do with me!
    Im hoping its a phase:haha:
     
  9. mandarhino

    mandarhino Mum of 1

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    Totally normal and he will probably be seeking a reaction so don't react to it. My daughter has gone through phases of being very rude to DH, refusing a bedtime kiss, telling him she doesn't want to see him, etc. He used to get visibly upset but since he started the new plan of ignoring such behaviour she has pretty much cut it out.

    There were a couple of nights where she refused a bedtime kiss, he walked out saying 'goodnight then' and then she sobbed for Daddy. 'I want to kiss Daddy!' I just explained that she had been rude and she shouldn't behave like that if she wanted a bedtime kiss. The next night, she was a child transformed, with a kiss for Daddy, etc.

    She still obviously prefers me though and will go for Daddy for comfort only if I'm not about. This is despite us doing equal shared care with her for the last year and a half. But I think that's down to breastfeeding, as she weaned when she was two.
     
  10. hattiehippo

    hattiehippo Well-Known Member

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    Tom has been through a couple of these phases since about 10 months - he's just coming out of 1 at the mo. Tonight was the 1st night for about 3 months that I haven't had to run out of his bedroom and hide in the loo till he was sure I was gone and he'd agree to let daddy put him to bed.

    I'm quite tough with him about it. When he says "no daddy" and tries to push him away when I'm reading to him, I tell him that's its fine and that daddy is allowed to look too or if he tries to move daddy and get me to do something with him instead he gets the choice of doing it with daddy or not at all. I don't mind him wanting me mainly for comfort or if he's hurt but I don't want him thinking its ok to be rude to DH.

    It might be worth getting your OH to spend more one on one time with your LO so he hopefully gets better at cuddling him etc.
     

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