Thanks ladies - that's exactly what I was looking for, a variety of inputs and ideas!
Don't know if I made it clear but I actually mentioned my anxiety to my midwife at my first appointment, hence the referral to a specialist midwife consultant. She referred me onto a hypnobirthing course which has helped a bit, but it also had the effect of making me really not want monitoring etc, which isn't really compatible with my pulse so it has almost made it worse - although the breathing techniques etc are obviously still useful, even for a c-section. No one has clean out said no to a c-sect, previously I didn't want one either and I certainly don't see it as an easy option. I just think it might help me get my baby here safely.
Sophie - sorry to eat you are having this problem too. I refused the 24h monitor as I know it would make me panic as I would feel like I'm being "tested" constantly. Have you used breathing techniques? I managed to "breathe" my heart down from 137 to 110 - it did take a few hours though!
Ttc - I don't know if I am considered a ftm or not, they class me as a 0+3 because of 2x miscarriage and ectopic - basically my midwife understands this as the source of my anxiety because I still don't really believe that I will get to meet this baby. I struggled with pain management through my three losses so I know a low pain threshold is an issue (I pass out) - IMO (and the opinion of some of the midwives) is that a high maternal pulse is of concern to baby - but others disagree. I know about the nice guidelines and I don't really think my midwife would object if I really insisted. I just want what is best for my baby!
Mummy m - I'm based in the uk. Sorry you have similar issues - I also seek control (apparently most teachers do!) so I understand. My consultant hasn't directly refused, but I haven't directly asked her either ...
Amelia - I think my pulse might be reason enough. I honestly can see my running out the hospital or something daft if my anxiety gets too much - it has happened before! I have seen a consultant midwife who deals exclusively with women who have good reason to be nervous (eg history of traumatic births, recurrent losses or history of illness) - she was good and understanding and helped me rationalise things, but I feel it is all getting too much again with having been in hospital three times in the past 7 weeks. There are no midwife lead units near me - there is a huge maternity unit in my local hospital with two wards for low risk births and another high risk ward. They have birthing pools available an it isn't really too medicalised, but I would feel safer in the hospital where they have nicu and other facilities on hand if need be.