Is this unreasonable?

[wemustntpanic]

I do all the night feeds in the week while oh goes to work. This means I'm up by 7.30 so that he can get ready for work.
Then on the weekends he does one night so that I can get a night off (he also has a night of sleep on the weekend) my gripe is that on the night off that I have, I still get up with the kids so that he can have a lie in to recover from his one night of baby feeding... He sleeps through til around 11am at least. It's driving me insane. Am I being unreasonable?

 

[Bekah78]

I don't think you're being unreasonable... Think it would be nice for you to get at least one lie in a week.

 

[k4th]

I don't think you're being unreasonable. When it was just me, oh & dd we would have one sleep in each at the weekend. Now we have a 10 week old, we're both up by 7.30 both weekend days. When ds is more manageable we'll go back to having one lie in each. If you're tired, then it's not fair that he gets more of a catch up than you do. How old are your kids?

Ds only has one night feed & I always do it - because oh tends to get more wind trapped. If I feed it's a 20 minute job & if oh does it, it often takes 90 minutes with proper winding I don't feel tired though, so it's not bothering me really.

 

[jodilee6]

I don't think you're being unreasonable. When it was just me, oh & dd we would have one sleep in each at the weekend. Now we have a 10 week old, we're both up by 7.30 both weekend days. When ds is more manageable we'll go back to having one lie in each. If you're tired, then it's not fair that he gets more of a catch up than you do. How old are your kids?

Ds only has one night feed & I always do it - because oh tends to get more wind trapped. If I feed it's a 20 minute job & if oh does it, it often takes 90 minutes with proper winding I don't feel tired though, so it's not bothering me really.

We had a similar system to this when it was just the one as well, DS2 isn't the best sleeper so OH helps out where he can

This morning he got up with DS1 at 6 then did DS2 breakfast and let me sleep in without me realising!

Hopefully when DS2 is bigger and sleeping better we'll go back to having a lie in day each, but in saying that we're normally up by 9:30/10 at the latest or it feels like a waste of a day

 

[Bun87]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, you should get a lie in x

 

[hlynne]

You aren't being unreasonable at all. My husband does absolutely nothing for my 3 1/2 month old. I mean absolutely nothing. Doesn't even hold him. Hardly looks at him. He just doesn't care about him. It's so heartbreaking for me. He's such a selfish person. He does whatever he wants to do and I'm just here taking care of the baby and being the maid. I'm so lonely.

 

[bbbbbbb811]

I do all the night feeds in the week while oh goes to work. This means I'm up by 7.30 so that he can get ready for work.
Then on the weekends he does one night so that I can get a night off (he also has a night of sleep on the weekend) my gripe is that on the night off that I have, I still get up with the kids so that he can have a lie in to recover from his one night of baby feeding... He sleeps through til around 11am at least. It's driving me insane. Am I being unreasonable?

No. You're not being unreasonable but if your OH is anything like mine he'll make out like you're being completely unreasonable. My OH works for himself and sleeps in til 11am+ everyday, has never done a night shift, flips if I wake him before 10am but its best not to mention it cause it doesn't end pretty. Lol

 

[Larkspur]

i don't think it's unreasonable but also not sure why you don't just tell him, "No. Fair's fair... I get one night off and a lie-in on the weekend and you get one night off and a lie-in." I can't really see how there would be anything to argue with there.

 

[minties]

7:30am is a lie in, well for us it is. I'd go and be noisy and wake him up, who sleeps until 11am?! Only moody teenagers I would think.

My daughter still wakes 2-5 times a night and we get up at 5am so I think he's being ridiculous abandoning you all to lay around till almost mid day.

 

[Larkspur]

7:30am is a lie in, well for us it is. I'd go and be noisy and wake him up, who sleeps until 11am?! Only moody teenagers I would think.

My daughter still wakes 2-5 times a night and we get up at 5am so I think he's being ridiculous abandoning you all to lay around till almost mid day.

Totally agree! 7.30 would be a sleep-in for me too, and I've never had a night off in 3 years as OH has never been able to settle the kids as babies, but if one person is getting a weekly lie-in, so should the other, and neither should be taking the piss but lying in till half the day is over.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I done this pretty much for 11 yrs, one day snapped and told him to leave....so yes definitely speak up!

 

[Taurus8484]

You aren't being unreasonable at all. My husband does absolutely nothing for my 3 1/2 month old. I mean absolutely nothing. Doesn't even hold him. Hardly looks at him. He just doesn't care about him. It's so heartbreaking for me. He's such a selfish person. He does whatever he wants to do and I'm just here
taking care of the baby and being the maid. I'm so lonely.

Hugs. Must be horrible for you for him not to show any interest

 

[Berri]

You're not being unreasonable. The sooner you can find an arrangement that works for you the better!

DH is much the same except I never get a night off or a morning off I BF both my babies so naturally was the one doing all the feeds.

I get up 15 minutes before DH to make his coffee/breakfast and get him out the door on time. By the time he goes ds1 is then awake (6:10am) so the day has begun! I work 3 days so those days I get the boys ready for creche, me for work and off we go by 7:45am. On the 2 days I don't work, I still get up earlier than DH. On weekends DH sleeps in, I am up by 6:15 at the latest. On Saturday I get him up at 9:15 on my way out the door to take DS2 to swimming so he can get DS1 to swimming by 10. Sunday mornings he sleeps in even later (yesterday I woke him up at 12:30pm!).

It drives me mental!! I have tried repeatedly to get a sleep in but it never happens (he's a really deep sleeper so hearing the boys say "papa, wake up" for 5 minutes means I'm awake anyway. What I have taken to do doing in the last 6 mths though is taking myself off to the bedroom when the kids have a nap on Sunday (say 1pm) and I watch netflix or have a nap or both and only emerge to make dinner around 5!

It's not ideal but it means I do get a bit of me time.

 

[MumToEva]

Time to put your foot down and demand to be treated fairly - stop letting him away with being selfish!

I'd suggest that you each get one full nights sleep and one lie in at the weekend, with the lie ins limited to a time that you are both happy with - for us that's 9 o'clock, which gives us an extra 2 - 2.5 hours in bed, depending on when the kids wake up.

 

[MindUtopia]

No, I think if you're going to switch off like that, he does everything on the weekends, including getting up in the morning. I mean, I would assume maybe that means you both don't get a lie in (or you alternate and you each get a lie in one day - he does the night feeds both nights on the weekend and then you each get up one day and sleep in one day). My husband was up helping with every single night feed until our daughter dropped them at 9 months, 7 days a week, no matter how much work he had on the next day. In the early months, it was because I needed things like a drink or help with latching our daughter or if I was expressing, he would feed her while I did the nighttime pumping or he helped rock her back to sleep after a feed so I could get back to sleep to get ready to get up again in 2 hours or once we switched to bottle feeding, he would go make the bottle and I would do the feed or vice versa.

 

[d_b]

OH doesn't do night feelings (I BF) but he does get the 5am-7:30am shift most weekdays and on weekends lets me sleep a bit later sometimes until 9 if I pump and have a bottle ready. 9am is pretty late in our books! In return he gets to nap on the weekends, in the morning after I get up if he's really tired, or for a few hours during DS2's nap in the afternoon.