Vickieh1981
Missing my precious girly
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2010
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I've been on bnb since just after I lost Isabella but never felt able to type out our full story before. I feel strong enough now so here goes.
I had an early miscarriage losing the baby at 5 weeks and was so upset, all I wanted to do was fall pregnant again. We were lucky enough to fall before I had even had my next period.
I was so nervous through the early weeks, terrified that I would lose again. 10 weeks scan was fine, 12 weeks fine and we heard her heartbeat.
At my next scan they asked me when was the last time I felt her move or if I had bleeding or cramps. I just knew then she was gone.
She laid on the screen so perfectly still but still perfect.
I had my children there to see their new sibling - my husband was at work so my mum was with me. I told her to take the children out and I was left all alone.
The sonographer went to get someone else to give a second opinion and they left the image frozen on the screen. I remember just looking at the screen and howling with pain. I couldn't believe that it was me having to go through this - losses happen to someone else right? Especially when you have had four healthy children.
I went home that night and was asked to return the next day for pessary and tablets to start the delivery.
I started getting regular contractions at about 2pm and my precious Isabella Grace was born at 5pm that evening. She was born in her sac still so they took her away and broke it then brought her back to me in a little basket with a white blanket over the top.
She was just perfect, she had one arm behind her head and had a smile on her face. I could see every tiny toe and finger and it's weird to feel the same happiness and pride you would with a normal birth but feel desperately sad at the same time.
They left her with me for about an hour but I was bleeding heavily as the placenta refused to come away. They scanned me to check whereabouts the placenta was (I found this so hard as it just reminded me she wasn't in there anymore) and then they tried to manually remove it which didn't work.
They had to take me into theatre in the end and do a d&c for it. So the next thing I remember was coming back to my room at about 2am.
The hospital chaplain came to see me in my room and prayed with me. The staff were all so amazing, I just couldn't fault them at all - even though the midwife who was with me had a little girl poorly on the childrens ward I found out the next day.
On the Monday (2 days after I had her) I was discharged. I went down to the chapel of rest to see her before we left, she was in a lovely white moses basket and it was the most peaceful room with a little tabletop fountain. She had changed quite a lot by then though and I swore I wouldn't go and see her again.
I did change my mind on this though and ask the funeral home if I could put some photos and things in with her. They told me they strongly advised against it due to "nature taking it's course". I don't think anything else I coudl have heard at that time would have hurt more.
I think that's about it. She was absolutely perfect, my precious angel girl.
I had an early miscarriage losing the baby at 5 weeks and was so upset, all I wanted to do was fall pregnant again. We were lucky enough to fall before I had even had my next period.
I was so nervous through the early weeks, terrified that I would lose again. 10 weeks scan was fine, 12 weeks fine and we heard her heartbeat.
At my next scan they asked me when was the last time I felt her move or if I had bleeding or cramps. I just knew then she was gone.
She laid on the screen so perfectly still but still perfect.
I had my children there to see their new sibling - my husband was at work so my mum was with me. I told her to take the children out and I was left all alone.
The sonographer went to get someone else to give a second opinion and they left the image frozen on the screen. I remember just looking at the screen and howling with pain. I couldn't believe that it was me having to go through this - losses happen to someone else right? Especially when you have had four healthy children.
I went home that night and was asked to return the next day for pessary and tablets to start the delivery.
I started getting regular contractions at about 2pm and my precious Isabella Grace was born at 5pm that evening. She was born in her sac still so they took her away and broke it then brought her back to me in a little basket with a white blanket over the top.
She was just perfect, she had one arm behind her head and had a smile on her face. I could see every tiny toe and finger and it's weird to feel the same happiness and pride you would with a normal birth but feel desperately sad at the same time.
They left her with me for about an hour but I was bleeding heavily as the placenta refused to come away. They scanned me to check whereabouts the placenta was (I found this so hard as it just reminded me she wasn't in there anymore) and then they tried to manually remove it which didn't work.
They had to take me into theatre in the end and do a d&c for it. So the next thing I remember was coming back to my room at about 2am.
The hospital chaplain came to see me in my room and prayed with me. The staff were all so amazing, I just couldn't fault them at all - even though the midwife who was with me had a little girl poorly on the childrens ward I found out the next day.
On the Monday (2 days after I had her) I was discharged. I went down to the chapel of rest to see her before we left, she was in a lovely white moses basket and it was the most peaceful room with a little tabletop fountain. She had changed quite a lot by then though and I swore I wouldn't go and see her again.
I did change my mind on this though and ask the funeral home if I could put some photos and things in with her. They told me they strongly advised against it due to "nature taking it's course". I don't think anything else I coudl have heard at that time would have hurt more.
I think that's about it. She was absolutely perfect, my precious angel girl.
sorry for your loss x
