'It happened to me, It'll happen for you!'

[missmarls]

I have a friend who started TTC in Dec and had a chemical in January...she was devastated when it happened and I sat and talked to her, hugged her and listened to her fears (she's 35 but her OH is 50) that their age was a factor. She got pregnant the next month. One day at work I was saying how it seemed like everyone at our work was pregnant and how I wondered if it would ever be me, you know what she said? Well she just shrugged her shoulders and said "some people just can't have kids. Why don't you think of adopting"!!!!!! That was the moment I was done being the friend who was supportive and happy for everyone else.

 

[chocci]

For me if its someone who had problems then I don't mind but at the same time it doesn't mean anything. But i just hate it when its some one who got pregnant in like three months and telling me "I know what your going through, when i just relaxed it happened so u should relax too and it will happen for u".
I mean how can anyone compare three years with three months.

Or someone telling me that the second month she took foilic acid and it worked so i should do that. I was so enraged but i calmly said i have been taking it for three years. And guess what she said she said u probably dont take it at the exact same time everyday. I could have really lost it then and i still dont know how i controlled myself.

Haha, thats the ignorance about baby making that i am talking about, people are daft arent they haha

 

[chocci]

I have a friend who started TTC in Dec and had a chemical in January...she was devastated when it happened and I sat and talked to her, hugged her and listened to her fears (she's 35 but her OH is 50) that their age was a factor. She got pregnant the next month. One day at work I was saying how it seemed like everyone at our work was pregnant and how I wondered if it would ever be me, you know what she said? Well she just shrugged her shoulders and said "some people just can't have kids. Why don't you think of adopting"!!!!!! That was the moment I was done being the friend who was supportive and happy for everyone else.

You should have replied "some people don't have brains, perhaps you should enquire about a labotomy?"

xx

 

[BigFoot1980]

I have a friend who started TTC in Dec and had a chemical in January...she was devastated when it happened and I sat and talked to her, hugged her and listened to her fears (she's 35 but her OH is 50) that their age was a factor. She got pregnant the next month. One day at work I was saying how it seemed like everyone at our work was pregnant and how I wondered if it would ever be me, you know what she said? Well she just shrugged her shoulders and said "some people just can't have kids. Why don't you think of adopting"!!!!!! That was the moment I was done being the friend who was supportive and happy for everyone else.

unbelievable!!! even after u were so supportive of her!!!

 

[CareBear]

I hate this statement as well just because it happened for you doesn't mean it will for me, we're all different and treatment thats works for one person won't necessarily work for another. I feel bitter about most people falling pregnant unless they have some understanding or sympathy of my situation or they have been struggling as well. Fortunately I don't have a lot of contact with other people I know falling pregnant and the only person I do know who is trying freely admits that she doesn't know how I cope and she couldn't begin to know how I feel but understands that it must be really hard - thats the support I like and feel that helps.

 

[BizyBee]

You know what gets under my skin? The people who tell me I'm LUCKY because I don't have kids. You know, the ones who tell me they are jealous because I get to sleep and go out whenever I want and don't have to deal with discipline. That is the most ridiculous thing to say to someone. Don't tell me I am better off without children. I was born to be a mom and I don't need anyone telling me I'm lucky because I don't have any. I WANT to stay up all night and stay home with my kids instead of going out. I want to teach them right from wrong. I just haven't been given the chance yet!

 

[CurlySue]

My mum really means well, but it's just that age-old story of "I know someone who knows someone" these days.

"I spoke to Janet (my cousin) before. She was asking about you. I told her what had happened and she said her friend had the same thing happen to her. She got pregnant naturally a couple of months later."

There's always someone who knows someone who knows someone...

 

[sparkle83]

The worst one for me was always 'relax and it'll happen'. How many times had I told people 'no it bloody wont' before it did, and I had to apologise. Just a shame it went wrong

 

[Blue12]

I know I am so sick of "it will happen"..........I feel like my body is trying to prove those people wrong........my body is screaming "hey look over here......its not going to happen - ha proved you wrong!

I also feel so sick of hearing the stories of someone who knows someone who is successful in rare scenarios - It is like a reminder that I am not even one of those lucky people either.

I also get frustrated at the adoption comment. It is not that I am opposed to it, but it is not like picking up milk at the store. Grrrrrrrrrr.


ONE thing that I try to keep in mind is that infertility is my life crisis. When trying to understand why people say such crazy stuff like this I think about the other crisises that people go through and some of the stupid stuff I might have said while trying to be supportive and positive. Like trying to comfort someone with a terminal illness, like someone who is going through a terrible divorce, like someone who lost someone very important, like someone who has been through terrible abuse --------I realized there is not much that should be said to anyone living with a crisis or trauma - but rather just to be a listener.


This sounds funny but one way I explained it to my mom (as she was oh so helpful - not) was regarding being overweight. Its like telling someone well just go on a diet and exercise, if it was that easy the world wouldn't have weight issues.


Best wishes everyone!

 

[NeyNey]

I sometimes get "It'll happen when you're ready"

What in the hell do they mean "when you're ready"....One would assume having a set up nursery, and popping pills, and jabbing needles and going through surgerys would be a pretty big indication that I'm ready.....


So I guess 16 year olds that fall pregnant on one night stands were "ready" eh?

 

[chocci]

I sometimes get "It'll happen when you're ready"

What in the hell do they mean "when you're ready"....One would assume having a set up nursery, and popping pills, and jabbing needles and going through surgerys would be a pretty big indication that I'm ready.....


So I guess 16 year olds that fall pregnant on one night stands were "ready" eh?

Well Said!!! x

 

[Nathyrra]

There's always someone who knows someone who knows someone...

I always get this too. It's also from my mother! I don't know I must be crazy but hearing about others peoples success doesn't seem to stimulate my ovaries enough to give me some good news!

My mother's little stories of 'someone of someone' never seem to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside Especially when she uses examples of my brothers girlfriend who apparently has problems with fertility yet has 2 children under 2 that were conceived straight off the bat! Still can't get my head around that one.

 

[Lyns]

I had the 'someone who knows someone' story from a 'friend' last week.....I snapped back at her with "I know someone who had a heart attack and died at the same age as me.....does that mean thats going to happen to me too?"

I felt mean tbh...its not really me to bite back, but then this same 'friend' told me after my last miscarriage that I shouldn't feel too bad as it wasn't a real baby so my sympathy was on low level.

 

[CurlySue]

My cousin: -

"It's a shame, isn't it? It doesn't seem fair. I don't even want kids but I bet you any money that I'd get pregnant first month off the pill."

I didn't know what to say to that.

 

[BigFoot1980]

My cousin: -

"It's a shame, isn't it? It doesn't seem fair. I don't even want kids but I bet you any money that I'd get pregnant first month off the pill."

I didn't know what to say to that.

 

[TrixieLox]

Grrrrrrrr, these stories are winding me up cos I get the same thing allllll the time (and CS, how bloody insenstive of your 'friend'!). I really hate the 'it'll happen, I just know it'. These are from well-meaning, wonderful friends and I just smile cos I appreciate it's hard for them. But I feel like screaming 'how do you know that? How do you know it'll happen?! What if it doesn't? What will you say then, when I'm 97 and childless?'

My stepmum is the WORST. She got preggo with my beautiful little sis a coupla years back and she's always coming out with corkers, the worse one being 'seriously, you're better off not having kids, they're a nightmare' to the point where I avoid seeing her now cos I feel like strangling her.

A friend at work is doing my nut in at the mo. I told him about my problems when I was drunk once and another friend tells me that literally, every time I'm down or feeling ill, he always says to her 'she's pregnant, isn't she?'. I really want him to ask me straight out so I can say 'shall I spell it out to you? I-have-unexplained-infertility-I-may-never-be-able-to-conceive-naturally'!

People don't seem to understand that it gets to a point, past the year and half mark usually, where the NHS mark you as infertile. They just don't understand that no, it might never happen naturally.

(ah, that felt good getting it all out, especially cos I got AF proper today

 

[Jasmine79]

i was getting an ultra sound at a fertility clinic, and the technician was like "the problem is that you are not relaxed about the whole process, im sure if you relax, it will happen at the drop of a hat". I was like wtf. I cannot understand all these people who say relax it will happen, well its almost been 3 years, shouldnt it have happened by now????????

 

[CurlySue]

We were all relaxed in the first six months weren't we? After all, you don't go into this expecting there to be a problem. You go in thinking that everything will be okay. It's only when it's been seven, eight, nine, twelve, eighteen months. THEN it becomes stressful and we tense up.

 

[CareBear]

We were all relaxed in the first six months weren't we? After all, you don't go into this expecting there to be a problem. You go in thinking that everything will be okay. It's only when it's been seven, eight, nine, twelve, eighteen months. THEN it becomes stressful and we tense up.

Completely agree and any hospital member of staff who tells you to relax should not be working in fertility. Although I can understand when some nurses say that they have found a lot of people take a break from treatment and found themselves pregnant which I don't think is the same thing its just telling what they've seen IFYKWIM!

 

[CurlySue]

Another thing that has started to bother me recently.

"It'll happen. I promise."

That's not something any person can promise, even if they themselves tried for 18 months then got pregnant. They simply don't know. It's out of their promise to call whether or not it will happen, let alone promising it will.