'It happened to me, It'll happen for you!'

[polo_princess]

I dont think its the statement in itself that can offend or hurt you, its the person who it comes from.

If an LTTTC'er were to say it to you after trying for many years and falling pregnant then you know that they mean it with all of the will and luck in the world. But if a random person off the street were to say it to you then it really has no meaning or substance.

 

[Mynxie]

to be frank, it won't happen for me cause it happened to someone else. My body doesn't seem to give a fuck about anything or anyone, least of all me and what I want, on every level, so no, just cause it happened for them doesn't mean it'll happen for me.

Sorry ladies, pet hate of mine

 

[DiddyDons]

I hate that sentence too.....

I also hate "you can always have more" when the refer to me loosing Sophie....erm yeah because more babys will make up for me loosing her...Ill just keep popping them out shall I? (if I could) but TBH even if I had 10000 babys...it would never make up for loosing Sophie.
Sorry I know thats a little different, but I just hate any kinda statement like that weather its referring to problems with TTC or not...

Huge hugs hun x x x

 

[genkigemini]

I dont think its the statement in itself that can offend or hurt you, its the person who it comes from.

If an LTTTC'er were to say it to you after trying for many years and falling pregnant then you know that they mean it with all of the will and luck in the world. But if a random person off the street were to say it to you then it really has no meaning or substance.

I just wanted to agree with Holly. I really hope no one minds me posting here but as a former LONG LONG LONG term LTTTCer, I do understand the annoyance.

My mother used to always tell me that it would happen "in God's time." My response... "So God wants me to wait these ten years and be miserable?"

But, on the other hand, I do find myself saying the "it happened to me, it can happen to you" thing now that I am pregnant because it was SUCH a freaking miracle that it actually happened. (read my success story if you are curious)

I don't mean to annoy LTTTCers by saying it and I do know how mad and bitter it made me but it is really how I feel. Maybe we are all in a lose/lose situation on this one...

 

[honeycat]

I have just got to say that that is the most stupiest phase I have heard in my life. Don't these people know that everyone doesn't get the same result if they do same thing. My SIL got pregnant the first month after stopping bcp. According to that logic then I should have a 8 month old baby in my arms right now.

This goes along with the posts that people make when they get a bfp stating what they did different that month. I hate those posts because it looks like if you start to use opk, put your feet up, use a insteadcup, robitussion, etc then you will get a bfp that cycle. Sorry tried all those for way longer then you did for your one successful cycle and they don't work for our problem.

CurlySue - I'm sorry for your lost. After I lost my ivf baby my mil keeps saying well you should be happy that you at least got a bfp. Huh?? So I should be happier that our cycle ended in a m/c rather then a bfn. I'm sorry but one case isn't better then the other. They both suck and now because of the m/c I know if I ever do get pregnant again I can never feel safe and happy.

 

[Blue12]

I don't want to sound terrible.......but I don't think it is just the person who says the comment but actually more the comment itself. The person is trying to be supportive and doesn't know the right thing to say.........so they end up saying something offensive, although not intentionally.

As I moved into my new house a couple of months ago my parents were unaware of us ttc at all never mind for so long......and my dad said aren't u glad u don't have children while you are moving. I know he didn't know about us ttc.......but it stung. Then after a long disasterous story where my parents found out about our 3 year ttc.......they really do try to be sensitive and supportive but it is terrible. On Fathers day my dad said happy fathers day to my dh (we have 2 puppies) - he was trying to be sweet - like see you are parents - then he said shit that was really shitty of me - fuck sorry........

Then it hurt me to think that my parents actually get my grief pretty well....enough that they are getting better at knowing what to say.........it was kind of nice sometimes when they were blissfully hopeful while i was devastated and out of hope.

Oh the terrible journey of ltttc.....

 

[CurlySue]

I just find it brutal to be honest. I find myself wanting to say "GOOD for you." It's the simple fact that it just. might. not happen. Just because it happened to one person doesn't meant it will happen to us and we know that. Those that suffered infertility know that they felt the same way. A lot of them know that the stories made them angry, too, when it simply wasn't happening. It's meant well. With the greatest intentions, perhaps, but sometimes its just the last thing we need.

We don't meant to feel this bitter. A lot of us just...do

Success stories hurt us in that they are just another story that is not ours, just people who are lucky when we are not, they are just little anecdotes that are not our anecdotes. Just another pregnant person who is not us and might never be.

It's meant well, I understand that. But it's still frustrating to hear.

Thanks Honeycat. It's so painful to be offered something and then have it taken away and for people to say "You can try again", well, if only it were that simple, eh? It seems unbelievably cruel that we got to this point only to have it taken away. And yes, I have heard a success story.

"I miscarried my first IVF baby. I didn't get pregnant the second and third times, but the fourth time I got pregnant. It happened to me, it'll happen to you."

Not necessarily.

It MIGHT happen, yes, but please don't tell me that it WILL happen, just because it happened to you!