'It happened to me, It'll happen for you!'

[Nathyrra]

This has been bothering me for a while and I cannot quite fathom why.

I absolutely detest this sentence - 'It happened to me, it'll happen for you.'

Am I so far gone and bitter that I find it so grating on my nerves to hear it? Is there something about it that I am missing?

I don't know, I don't begrudge people getting good news (god knows we all need it) but I just find the statement so empty. I hear it so often (in everyday life), and although I appreciate it's probably one of those things people say to try and cheer you up. It does the complete opposite to me!

Anyone feel simular? Anyone feel the complete opposite? Would love to hear your take on things as to try and enlighten myself maybe!

Anyone have their own little sentences that particularly grate on their nerves?

Questions questions!

 

[wishn2Bmom]

Yeah, I can see that being annoying. HOWEVER..... everyone I know (and some I don't) always say "you just need to get drunk and fuck, it works for everyone else that way".

REALLY??? SERIOUSLY????

I've got endometriosis......I'm pretty sure alcohol doesn't cure that or else there would be a lot of drunk ladies!!!

 

[Farie]

If there is a reason behind this saying it has passed me by

Stupid bloody thing to say.

Also 'it will happen when it's meant to'?!?!
What .. when I've won the lottery? Gone mad from TTC? Hit 35? 45? Own a 5 bed house 2 dogs and a Volvo?

When the hell is 'when its meant to'

Yup, that me backing down and stepping away before i go off on one .....

 

[chocci]

This has been bothering me for a while and I cannot quite fathom why.

I absolutely detest this sentence - 'It happened to me, it'll happen for you.'

Am I so far gone and bitter that I find it so grating on my nerves to hear it? Is there something about it that I am missing?

I don't know, I don't begrudge people getting good news (god knows we all need it) but I just find the statement so empty. I hear it so often (in everyday life), and although I appreciate it's probably one of those things people say to try and cheer you up. It does the complete opposite to me!

Anyone feel simular? Anyone feel the complete opposite? Would love to hear your take on things as to try and enlighten myself maybe!

Anyone have their own little sentences that particularly grate on their nerves?

Questions questions!

I totally understand what your saying chic but i suppose we have to think of what other people feel too when they find out about our situation. I mean, if i was in their sitiation talking to someone with infertility (and say i had kids or had never experienced infertility) ell i suppose its hard to know what to say for the best, what can they say, whatever they say its going to be wrong. If they said oh hard luck, or have you thought of adoption or even if they said nothing, it would all be wrong, simply because we are hurting. If someone says something or nothing its always going to niggle at us i suppose.

I just try to stay positive now, i have never been bitter and never will be, i 90% of the time remain posoitve, what else is there to do, i will not be one of these people who maon and drown in sorrow, being negative at everything, i try to think IT WILL happen for me one day, therefore whatever anyone says i never let it affect me, cos they know no more than me

xx

 

[CurlySue]

To me, saying "It happened to me, it'll happen for you" is totally disregarding the difference in circumstances and as such it DOES feel like an empty statement, not intentionally but empty all the same. In most cases our situations are not even remotely similar. The person saying "It happened to me" is usually the person who got pregnant first month off the pill so cannot comprehend our situation at all. They don't mean it unpleasantly it but I sometimes wonder why they feel the need to say such things because at the end of the day there's a very real chance that it WON'T happen to us.

When I found out I was miscarrying this week I phoned work crying like a little girl. My heart was broken, still is, and I was at the stage where if anybody asked if I was okay I would break down.

"You have to see the positive in this," the office manager said. "You can always try again."

What is the positive in losing twins; at getting a positive test after IVF and those babies never growing? What is the positive in going through months of treatment only to be given hope and then having it snatched away?

How can I just try again, just like that? It's not like I can just hop into bed next month and get pregnant, is it?

I cannot, cannot understand why she said that. I suppose in her own way she was trying to be helpful but telling a woman who just got told she had lost the babies she had fought so hard for to "see the positive" in it?

I'm sorry...what is positive about that?

 

[Nathyrra]

This has been bothering me for a while and I cannot quite fathom why.

I absolutely detest this sentence - 'It happened to me, it'll happen for you.'

Am I so far gone and bitter that I find it so grating on my nerves to hear it? Is there something about it that I am missing?

I don't know, I don't begrudge people getting good news (god knows we all need it) but I just find the statement so empty. I hear it so often (in everyday life), and although I appreciate it's probably one of those things people say to try and cheer you up. It does the complete opposite to me!

Anyone feel simular? Anyone feel the complete opposite? Would love to hear your take on things as to try and enlighten myself maybe!

Anyone have their own little sentences that particularly grate on their nerves?

Questions questions!

I totally understand what your saying chic but i suppose we have to think of what other people feel too when they find out about our situation. I mean, if i was in their sitiation talking to someone with infertility (and say i had kids or had never experienced infertility) ell i suppose its hard to know what to say for the best, what can they say, whatever they say its going to be wrong. If they said oh hard luck, or have you thought of adoption or even if they said nothing, it would all be wrong, simply because we are hurting. If someone says something or nothing its always going to niggle at us i suppose.

I don't know. Maybe I'm strange, but people don't really need to say things like that to try and make a bad situation better for me. I'm quite content with just a success story without the 'It'll happen for you too' at the end. Or a 'Thinking of you' I wouldn't get offended at that.

 

[CurlySue]

I find it so difficult to say "It probably won't"...

 

[Nathyrra]

Some statements hold no weight, ey? I don't think any one woman has ever had exactly the same story to tell. Perhaps there was a time when I got comfort from thinking 'so and so had it happen to them so it'll work for me too' but now I feel like it just gives false hope. Personally speaking. and personally speaking also.. that doesn't ever do me any good!

Thanks for your replies ladies

 

[Lyns]

I think, for me, as a recurrent miscarriage sufferer, the one that has got me a lot lately, has been the amount of people that say to "At least you know you can get pregnant"

WTF good is that if I keep miscarrying them, and am told its likely because of poor egg quality, so I don't know if I'll ever manage to have a baby at the end of it? How is getting pregnant supposed to make things OK? Its about holding a baby in my arms at the end of it. And the pain of losing them each time gets worse...not better.

F*ckwits! Sorry x

 

[Nathyrra]

I find it so difficult to say "It probably won't"...

I'm hoping that is just our low self confidence talking and doesn't bare any weight to the actual situation..

I would love a crystal ball right now. Then if I'm wrong I would gladly wait even more years to come in the knowledge that it will definitely happen for me.

 

[rachelle1975]

Hearing people say supportive things has always worked for me but only if the person saying it is in the same boat. My friend had 2 clomid babies and I find it hard to take her advice on board since she just popped a pill to get pregnant and didn't need ivf.
Having said that I find advice easier to take from ladies who've had negative icsi cycles as I think it's more realistic??
But I'm positive and after the truly awful things this year has brought I firmly believe it will happen xx

 

[CurlySue]

I had a couple of brilliant ones yesterday, to be honest. A girl I haven't spoken to in awhile, used to be my best friend when I was sixteen, moved away, etc. She phoned me yesterday and asked "How are you?" I said I wasn't feeling to great since I was in the middle of miscarrying twins.

"Aw," she said. "Never mind."

Then silence. Then a laugh.

"Sorry, I got a new puppy. He's so cute. He's sat at my feet right now licking my toes. Do you want to talk to him?"

I was speechless. Utterly speechless.

And my mum, when I told her that J had booked us an all inclusive holiday in September to try to get a break from all of this.

"You couldn't go on all these fancy holidays if you had kids."

 

[Nathyrra]

Hearing people say supportive things has always worked for me but only if the person saying it is in the same boat. My friend had 2 clomid babies and I find it hard to take her advice on board since she just popped a pill to get pregnant and didn't need ivf.
Having said that I find advice easier to take from ladies who've had negative icsi cycles as I think it's more realistic??
But I'm positive and after the truly awful things this year has brought I firmly believe it will happen xx

I feel somewhat the same. If it's someone walking the same path as me I would see it in a different light. Strange!

So far though I've heard the statement from too many people that have had it far far easier. I cant relate to that kind of 'support' iykwim

x

 

[Nathyrra]

oh for the love of god CS. that's awful!

Do people seriously think that'll cheer you up?! Boggles my mind!

x

 

[CurlySue]

oh for the love of god CS. that's awful!

Do people seriously think that'll cheer you up?! Boggles my mind!

x

She's always been an utterly selfish bitch, has Becky, but to hear her laughing and giggling about a stupid puppy after I just told her I was in the midst of a miscarriage just wound me up. Then asking me if I wanted to TALK to it?

"Aw, never mind" just seemed like such a fucking flippant, heartless thing to say.

 

[rachelle1975]

I feel somewhat the same. If it's someone walking the same path as me I would see it in a different light. Strange!

So far though I've heard the statement from too many people that have had it far far easier. I cant relate to that kind of 'support' iykwim

x

I think the worst thing for me is people worrying about telling me they're pregnant when I'm happy for them and the fact they don't have to go thru the infertility crap.

People's insensitivity never fails to surprise and amaze me. Clomid girl asked if the reason she hadn't seen me was because I couldn't cope with seeing her baby. No you self obsessed bitch it's because my mother just died AND she knew it! Ah well I got over it, mainly because she was so mortified and it made me feel better!

 

[Mrs G]

"these things take time, you know" and "stop thinking about it and it'll suprise you" are all time classics!!

TBH I don't think people mean to be hurtful (well maybe not all!!) I just think embarassment takes over and it's a prime time for foot in mouth syndrome.

x

 

[chocci]

I think the worst thing for me is people worrying about telling me they're pregnant when I'm happy for them and the fact they don't have to go thru the infertility crap.

I totally agree, i am only totally happy for people getting preggers, i bare no bitterness regardless of situation, though i am probably more happy for those who have struggled since i know how it feels, apart from if they are stupid 16 year old with no future to offer a child and had it for FUN!!! haha

I once had a friend offer her eggs to me, in a much more subtle way i explained, have you listend to anything i have said over the last 6 months, i dont need eggs, i have my own, its my husband!!!

Ignorance is the only thing that ever bothers me now, but then before i started this journey i too didnt know much about fertility / infertility and really how complicated baby making can be, so i try to explain things as simply as i can to the few i tell.

Cant wait to explain it to MIL that will be a laugh, i am sure she wont hear the bit that says its her precious son, she will some how twist it in her mind to think its me with problems haha, hey ho!!! x

 

[chocci]

"

TBH I don't think people mean to be hurtful (well maybe not all!!) I just think embarassment takes over and it's a prime time for foot in mouth syndrome.

x

My sentiments exactly, not sure people know what to say, sometimes they want to say something to help, because they care, but it just comes out all wrong haha

 

[BigFoot1980]

For me if its someone who had problems then I don't mind but at the same time it doesn't mean anything. But i just hate it when its some one who got pregnant in like three months and telling me "I know what your going through, when i just relaxed it happened so u should relax too and it will happen for u".
I mean how can anyone compare three years with three months.

Or someone telling me that the second month she took foilic acid and it worked so i should do that. I was so enraged but i calmly said i have been taking it for three years. And guess what she said she said u probably dont take it at the exact same time everyday. I could have really lost it then and i still dont know how i controlled myself.