It hit me today...

[Lisa2701]

Its amazing how we can fool even ourselves. DH and I have been TTC for 16 months now. AF was completely missing for six months there (although she show'd her head couple of weeks ago...finally! ) which lead to the doctor running bloods and an ultrasound, everything normal.... So I have been quietly just getting on with things and thinking that if need be the doctor will hopefully be able to help, can't be anything too serious surely as I already have a child, i'm only 26 so on and so forth.... PMA and all of that. However, today I made a huge mistake... I held my cousins 6 week old baby ....and it hit me.......I want a baby EVEN MORE than I originally thought and I really am starting to loose hope of ever having another one, I have spent the last hour in tears . Hubby doesn't know what to say, he had no idea it was bothering me this much, but how could he, I didn't even know it was bothering me THIS much until today. I feel really bad feeling like this cause i know there are women out there who have been ttc much much longer, but EVERYONE around me is having babies, and many of them started TTC after me. Why does it have to be so difficult to get your body to work with you, seriously, if it would just ovulate regularly i'd at least stand a chance .

Sorry for the depressing post, just have to get it off my chest and you are the only people i know will understand.

 

[raelynn]

Aw, I'm sorry hun. I know it gets hard, especially when we see others pregnant or with babies but you just have to be persistent. I know it isn't always so easy but just think, each day is a day closer to getting that BFP, another chance to conceive your little one. It is not fair that it is so easy for some and so hard for others but look at it as a challenge that you will do anything to conquer. And always remember, we're all here for you too!

 

[Deeper Blue]

Oh babe. I'm not sure I can really say anything to make you feel better but I do send you plenty of hugs and baby dust. Take heart that they haven't found anything wrong... natures just waiting for that perfect time

 

[Rivetkitten]

Oh hun.... I know how you feel. I have watched so many women fall pregnant and even have their babies in the time I've been TTC'ng and I've not even managed a single positive pregnancy test.

I have heard every comment, just relax, take it easy, stay positive, this will be your month. My SIL has just announced she is pregnant and the MIL is discussing handing over all our baby things because...and I quote... "we'll never use them.". The people who say... "You must be used to the negative tests by now.". Every piece of advice... take this supplement, legs in the air, have sex every day, every other day, only on your ovulation. No one realises it's just as painful because, it's not as easy as that and if it was, we'd be pregnant by now.

I've seen an FS who was equally as unhelpful because for us...everything is 100% in working order. Unexplained infertility. In otherwords, we don't know what's wrong, we won't help you.

Each month, I spend the reminder of my infertility in tears, huddled in the shower. Another friend announces her pregnancy, another day in tears. I come here and see the happy excited posts of the new TTC'ers and know it's just a matter of weeks before they get their BFP's, and I'll be left behind again congratulating from the side lines.

We have a forum... LTTTC... I tend to hang out there. It's some how easier. The pain of trying for such a long time for a child is exquisitely unique.

 

[Hispirits]

oh dear
Have you tried agnus castus, its supposed to help irregular cycles.
What ur feeling is only natural, i struggle when i see other babies, but , and i've said this a few times lately on here, i feel ttc is getting alot of people down on here, people are stressing getting upset and i really do believe, as hard as it gets, and trust me my and my husband have been ttc for 5 years on and off, we have no children and have lost two pregnancies, one to m/c and one to ectopic. you have to stay positive!!!
if there is no medical reason in your,way you will get pregnant when your bodies ready, with irregular cycles it will be very hard, and i reckon as soon as you get that sorted out you'll get you .
please stay positive, everyone seems so fed up on here at the moment.
check out the agnus castus, and other things online that can help regulate your cycles, i would recommend getting a cbfm to find out when your ov xx

 

[bakerh518]

hun, i know how you feel, you kinda give yourself those self affirming comments each month, and distract yourself and before you know it, its been over a year and still no bundle!

For me, sometimes a good cry is sufficient, sometimes a break from all things ttc is needed, i tell my hubby theres nothing that he needs to say, instead the willingness of him to let me cry and say anything (like, "ill never have a baby") and not have him say oh it will be fine, b/c at that moment it doesnt feel fine!

weve been ttc for just short of three years so i know what you are going through, and i still go through waves of feeling confident all the way to feeling like it will never happen!

take care of yourself! and i hope you get your sticky bean soon!

 

[Lisa2701]

Thanks everyone,

It really is so nice to know your not alone in these situations. To be honest I am usually good at keeping positive and i don't normally put too much pressure on myself either but its just getting to me at the moment. There is no point in me using OPK or anything as I am not ovulating....well, I am not getting periods so I assume i am not ovulating. My weight is probably making things difficult for me but i really have tried everything to loose weight, the doctor is trying to help etc but its just not working, I have tried diets, pills, gyms, swimming etc etc but it just aint happening. I am waiting to go see specialists about my weight but I have been waiting about 6 months so far and heard nothing. I suppose my fear is that if i need help to ovulate or whatever I have been told that I won't get any help because of my weight (told by a family member who has problems TTC and also weight problems and she was told they wouldn't help her due to her weight) and I don't even know if i'd feel as bad if I thought i was ovulating, its the fact it feels hopeless thats bothering me.

I will look into the agnus castus... what is it?

 

[Hispirits]

its a herbal remedey theres probably a few threads on here about it xxxx

 

[Lisa2701]

hun, i know how you feel, you kinda give yourself those self affirming comments each month, and distract yourself and before you know it, its been over a year and still no bundle!

This is exactly what has happened, I have distracted myself, went through the motions in auto pilot and kept positive without really thinking about it too much and all of a sudden i stopped and thought about it today.

I really hope you get your BFP very soon x

 

[Lisa2701]

Thanks hispirits. I will have a wee dig for some info

 

[AriesMom07]

I've been where you are for over a year now. Baby fever is what I have...Its my bodies fault I think all I hear is TICK TOCK TICK TOCK... Anyways girl keep your chin up whats meant to be will always find a way right? When it does happen for you it will be even more enjoyable because you put so much hard work and waiting into it. I know when I get my BFP I will be over the moon ecstatic and even thinking about that excites me because I didn't get to be excited with my son I had no support or anything I did it alone and I know this time it will NOT be like that and I so look forward to being HAPPY about something I've worked hard to achieve.

 

[Lisa2701]

Thanks hun. You are totally right, when it happens its gonna be AMAZING! Just having a hard day i suppose. Things is ( didn't write this earlier as I was really upset and not thinking overly straight while posting) today while i was holding the baby my son who is 6 asked me why he didn't' have a baby brother. The reason that got me so bad is because my son is autistic and so has never even suggested he'd like a sibling, he doesn't express his thoughts/feelings very well, I have always worried how he'd feel about having a baby in the house and having to share my attention but today he was sooo good with the baby and totally taken by him and then when asked me that question i crumbled inside. Today for the first time I feel like my son wants a sibling.... and so far I have been unable to give him one. TTC is so hard, I am so pleased I have bnb and all the lovely ladies (and gents) on here to turn to on days like this. i know I don't post often, but part of that is the fact I am trying not to get obsessive about TTC and i found at first when we were TTC I was on here everyday and I was putting too much pressure on myself and after a few months i had to just back right off, hence you's haven't seen me actively around.

 

[AriesMom07]

Thanks hun. You are totally right, when it happens its gonna be AMAZING! Just having a hard day i suppose. Things is ( didn't write this earlier as I was really upset and not thinking overly straight while posting) today while i was holding the baby my son who is 6 asked me why he didn't' have a baby brother. The reason that got me so bad is because my son is autistic and so has never even suggested he'd like a sibling, he doesn't express his thoughts/feelings very well, I have always worried how he'd feel about having a baby in the house and having to share my attention but today he was sooo good with the baby and totally taken by him and then when asked me that question i crumbled inside. Today for the first time I feel like my son wants a sibling.... and so far I have been unable to give him one. TTC is so hard, I am so pleased I have bnb and all the lovely ladies (and gents) on here to turn to on days like this. i know I don't post often, but part of that is the fact I am trying not to get obsessive about TTC and i found at first when we were TTC I was on here everyday and I was putting too much pressure on myself and after a few months i had to just back right off, hence you's haven't seen me actively around.

Oh man that is tough and I can also say wow to that because my 3 yr old just said to me today "I want a baby sister!" I was like WOAH! Yeah at least now you know he is ready too and he will be a great big brother

 

[Lisa2701]

Definitely, it is lovely to know he wants it too.