I know a lot of ladies here might not know my whole story. It's long and depressing but the basic is I'm pregnant with a second, OH, LO and I had just moved and he just got a job so we were living on nothing at his dads. His dad is...well he isn't the type of person most of us are used to. Think maybe the stereotypical off the boat Asian parent but with less of a focus on education but still that stereotypically cold to the children. He agreed to LO living with us (him) but within a few weeks said he wanted me and her gone. It's really really expensive out here so we made the really painful decision to have LO live with my mom in Connecticut while we stay in Long Island (New York) and work to save up money. Rent is literally $1200-1300 for a one bedroom and OH only pulls in $2000 a month. Car insurance, electric bill, gas, my credit debt...we'd be penny to penny if we're lucky! Work is really easy to find out here, I got the first job I inquired about. So far I work 9 hours a day, 5-7 days a week. It's great money but neither OH nor I's hours work around daycare. So even if we pleaded with FIL, this is the best long term. But it hurts so so bad. It's like my heart is torn out. I get by by trying my best to forget while I'm away from her. I ask about her a few times each day but I can't look at pictures. I get to come back for a weekend every other weekend but even being here hurts so bad. She's sleeping on me and all I can think is how much I'll miss her in a few hours. Cos that's what it is. Less than 24 hours before I leave again. I want a pack of cigarettes so bad. But I can't cos I'm pregnant. I wish I could win the lottery. Or get in an accident where I get a big settlement or something. Work keeps me real busy.. But still. Mornings and nights. I just cry alone cos I don't want oh to see how much I hurt. Bleh. I hate this country.