LucyLadyBug
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- Joined
- Aug 22, 2011
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So,
I started this account in 2011, and rereading a couple of things I read then, it's funny how much things have changed.
I am still with my partner I describe then. Only instead of 21 (me) and 20 (him), we're now 24 and 23.
In my original plans I remember being broody, made worse by the stress of buying my first house, a friend passing away and the prospective of redecorating whilst my OH was away at uni and completing my final year of uni. But I had a hopeful (but felt so far away) date of 2014 for getting married and TTC.
Well, I am still as broody as ever, but we're still no closer right now to TTC sadly.
We have our own 3 bedroom house, I have an okayish paying job with room for promotion. He chose to drop out and is currently volunteering with children and looking to retrain as a nursery teacher. However, there is no official engagement and wedding in sight whilst we have been going out for 4 years and 3 months.
Because in the last few years we've realised we are polyamorous. If anyone isn't sure what that means, it's a form of ethical non monogamous dating. There are many different styles, but for us we are currently in a vee. my original OH is not seeing anyone but there's a friend of ours he may ask out at some point. I have been with my second OH (age 26) (OH1 and OH2 from now on) for a year this thursday actually. He identifies as monogamous so only dates me.
A lot of polyamory practicing people identify as couples and then have primary/secondary systems. As a vee (the boys don't date each other, are just great friends) we do not, all three of us are equal and I love my men equally, we all support and compliment each other in a unique way. (but all three of us have decided that anyone else we dated would be just a FWB, but me and OH2 are happy being fidelity based to the vee, and OH1 isn't seeking anyone apart from possibly the one girl I mention above. Who knows we are poly and is a good friend with all of us).
As such I do not want to marry either at the expense of the other being seen as legally less important. Though there are talks of a private/small type ceremony that's non legal at some point.
OH2 recently lost his job and lives about an hour from me, and whilst me and OH1 would be ready to TTC tomorrow, he's not quite ready yet to move in and try, financially or emotionally. But that's fine. we have at the moment a plan to be extra frugal and save up and then try in about 3 years, when it's more secure for me to take maternity leave from work.
Because of our unique situation, all three of us have sat down together and individually and had the long term, living together and babies talk already. And we are all on the same page and are happy with us living together and raising 4 children (mixed paternity) together, and feel we can do it in a positive fashion. It means so much to me that my boys both look forward to being fathers, and we openly chat about names, watch parenting documentaries/housey shows and are generally all broody.
A huge moment for me that clarified how right we were for each other was when OH2 communicated he was feeling down about losing his job and worried he would have less to contribute to the family pot when he moves in and later we TTC. I told him how even if he only had part time work, with me and OH1 working, he would be able to help out in other invaluable ways. Especially as due to promotion progression I fear to take long maternity leave at work. Then I said a part of me feared we would have to put off till 2017 or 2018. At that OH2 said no way, if I wasn't pregnant in 2 years he would make sure him or OH1 corrected that straight away.
I understand some people may have questions/concerns/opposing views, I am happy to answer any and all. And I've got from 2011 to 2014, I hope the waiting to try period to 2016 gets easier.
sorry this is so long btw
lucy x
I started this account in 2011, and rereading a couple of things I read then, it's funny how much things have changed.
I am still with my partner I describe then. Only instead of 21 (me) and 20 (him), we're now 24 and 23.
In my original plans I remember being broody, made worse by the stress of buying my first house, a friend passing away and the prospective of redecorating whilst my OH was away at uni and completing my final year of uni. But I had a hopeful (but felt so far away) date of 2014 for getting married and TTC.
Well, I am still as broody as ever, but we're still no closer right now to TTC sadly.
We have our own 3 bedroom house, I have an okayish paying job with room for promotion. He chose to drop out and is currently volunteering with children and looking to retrain as a nursery teacher. However, there is no official engagement and wedding in sight whilst we have been going out for 4 years and 3 months.
Because in the last few years we've realised we are polyamorous. If anyone isn't sure what that means, it's a form of ethical non monogamous dating. There are many different styles, but for us we are currently in a vee. my original OH is not seeing anyone but there's a friend of ours he may ask out at some point. I have been with my second OH (age 26) (OH1 and OH2 from now on) for a year this thursday actually. He identifies as monogamous so only dates me.
A lot of polyamory practicing people identify as couples and then have primary/secondary systems. As a vee (the boys don't date each other, are just great friends) we do not, all three of us are equal and I love my men equally, we all support and compliment each other in a unique way. (but all three of us have decided that anyone else we dated would be just a FWB, but me and OH2 are happy being fidelity based to the vee, and OH1 isn't seeking anyone apart from possibly the one girl I mention above. Who knows we are poly and is a good friend with all of us).
As such I do not want to marry either at the expense of the other being seen as legally less important. Though there are talks of a private/small type ceremony that's non legal at some point.
OH2 recently lost his job and lives about an hour from me, and whilst me and OH1 would be ready to TTC tomorrow, he's not quite ready yet to move in and try, financially or emotionally. But that's fine. we have at the moment a plan to be extra frugal and save up and then try in about 3 years, when it's more secure for me to take maternity leave from work.
Because of our unique situation, all three of us have sat down together and individually and had the long term, living together and babies talk already. And we are all on the same page and are happy with us living together and raising 4 children (mixed paternity) together, and feel we can do it in a positive fashion. It means so much to me that my boys both look forward to being fathers, and we openly chat about names, watch parenting documentaries/housey shows and are generally all broody.
A huge moment for me that clarified how right we were for each other was when OH2 communicated he was feeling down about losing his job and worried he would have less to contribute to the family pot when he moves in and later we TTC. I told him how even if he only had part time work, with me and OH1 working, he would be able to help out in other invaluable ways. Especially as due to promotion progression I fear to take long maternity leave at work. Then I said a part of me feared we would have to put off till 2017 or 2018. At that OH2 said no way, if I wasn't pregnant in 2 years he would make sure him or OH1 corrected that straight away.
I understand some people may have questions/concerns/opposing views, I am happy to answer any and all. And I've got from 2011 to 2014, I hope the waiting to try period to 2016 gets easier.
sorry this is so long btw
lucy x