UPDATE....
scan today- saw a gestation sac which is right size for gestation.. problem is there is a huge haemtoma next to it which is twice the size of the sac...which is the source of the bleed... in all likelyhood the bleed is the start of mc and the consultant doesnt feel positive that this is going to be a good outcome... i'm still bleedin and we need to do a scan again next week but it would genuinely be a miracle for it to be ok...
i cant hope anymore.. i can barely cope... i was an idiot to believe that it would be ok when we got the bfp.. how dare i hope for a normal pregnancy??? how dare i even think it might be ok??? i feel i'm being punished for something i've done wrong and somehow this is no less than i deserve... i never thought there would be a time where i would be 30, childless and skint and no hope of having a family in the future... it feels so so hopeless....
how do i get through the next week till i have the scan?? i know its going to end in mc so i want it finished asap so i can move on... then how do i pick myself back up??? how do i move on????
if my hubby earned ok money our timing wouldnt be a problem... i could take my time and we could just see when it happened... if we cant pay the mortgage we go under so unless he is earning the same as me we cant have babies without having maternity benefits. When i finish this job in the summer i'm unlikely to find a permenant job and the maternity benefits go with it (takes an average few years to get smething more permenant hence 3-4 years)....
the blood tests are all normal so there nothing more that they can do...no more avenues to explore and no more options.. i could have further genetic tests but it would only help to do preimplantation diagnostics which would be private and need IVF... we dont have money for private stuff and neither of us feels we could go through an IVF process so we have reached the end of the line...
i've asked for re-referral to St mary's but my consultant is reluctant to do that.....its a case of try again and wait to have another mc......the sats are against this happening for us.. with every miscarriage the chance of having a normal pregnancy reduces... so this is the end of the line for us....