Ive started lying :(

I do something pretty similar. First the question was "when are you getting married" and now it's "when are you having kids?" I just want to smack people when they ask that. Nobody knows we are TTC for good reason. I just might smack somebody if they asked "aren't you pregnant yet?"
When people do ask the inevitable though I just say "not for another 5 years or so" and DH typically says "never" although behind closed doors he does want it.

I had to chuckle at mammag's comment that half the girls on here hardly involve their husbands! SO true!!!:haha:
 
I've had a few people at work ask me, which I think is sooo rude but whatever.....and my motto has just been, "It will happen when it's meant to happen". Usually followed by me walking away! :haha:
 
For people who are actually in my life, I tell them but since I don't really get along with the inlaws, I lie to them. They haven't actively tried to talk to me in over two years so I don't think they need to know some of my very personal business.
 
It doesn't sound mental! Lol, we TTC'ers say what we have to to protect ourselves, it's not anyone Else's business whether or not we're going to have another child, hell, half of the girls on here barely involve their husbands in any more than the idea that they want a child! Like I said, trying is a difficult process and the last thing we need is a million people with 'good intentions' asking us if we are pregnant yet.

What mammag said! We do what WE need to do, and that's enough.

I'm the opposite: I can't keep quiet about the fact that we're trying for our first. It's keeping me happy at the moment, makes me feel like I'm making progress because I have something to announce, I think. But it's a gamble. I'm an open book by nature, so if the worst happens, no matter what that is, I would probably have told everyone anyway.
 
I have to say, though, it's a HUGE pet peeve of mine when people hear that you're nauseous/hungry/tired/etc. and immediately say "Oooooh, are you PREGNANT?" My response for years to that has been "if I am, do you really want to find out this way?"
:finger:
 
people ask me that all the time knowing we just got married in April. im sure they will think twice about asking anyone again when i tell them im off the pill and we would love to now but have fertility issues and we have to wait to see what happens. its like the moment when someone congratulates someone for being pregnant and they arent lol
 
people ask me that all the time knowing we just got married in April. im sure they will think twice about asking anyone again when i tell them im off the pill and we would love to now but have fertility issues and we have to wait to see what happens. its like the moment when someone congratulates someone for being pregnant and they arent lol

People are always asking my cousin and his wife when they're going to have a baby, they've been married like 8 years and they did get pregnant once but they baby died when she was six months pregnant,, what people don't know is my cousin was told basically it was slim chances he'd ever father a child.. It did happen once, but chances of it happening again not so high... I feel bad with people asking them all of the time it's not like they don't want kids.. :cry: Some people (i've been guilty myself) ask lots of questions when really they should wait til info is offered.
 
My husband and i have one lil girl thats going to be four soon we have been TTC since she turned two. i feel like im gettin pressure from everywhere to have another one. My mother goes on and on every month about how i have to be preg. this month, how i've gotten so fat. And yet i bleed every 14 days and cry every time. My husband missed the whole first year of our daughters life, so he really is waiting for us to concive. I feel like i am letting everyone down, and have even considered ending my marrage so he can have the chance to expirence having a baby even if its not with me.

I feel so very alone, idk what to do
 
We got that all the time when we first got married. We wanted to enjoy being together for a while before starting a family. After a few months old, we're being asked already if we're going to have anymore!!! After everyone knowing we wanted to wait until our first was old enough. Walking, talking, and potty trained. Well, now we are on our 2nd month TTC, and my mom, sis and brother are the only ones that know. None of his side of the family knows. We've had our issues in the past. I want to wait until I am pregnant before I tell anyone at work, even though it's really hard, as I am so close to alot of them! Even then, the managers can't know for a while.

I feel for all you girls that are going through the "questions". It really is no ones business, and I wish they would just leave questions like them to themselves!
 
people ask me that all the time knowing we just got married in April. im sure they will think twice about asking anyone again when i tell them im off the pill and we would love to now but have fertility issues and we have to wait to see what happens. its like the moment when someone congratulates someone for being pregnant and they arent lol

People are always asking my cousin and his wife when they're going to have a baby, they've been married like 8 years and they did get pregnant once but they baby died when she was six months pregnant,, what people don't know is my cousin was told basically it was slim chances he'd ever father a child.. It did happen once, but chances of it happening again not so high... I feel bad with people asking them all of the time it's not like they don't want kids.. :cry: Some people (i've been guilty myself) ask lots of questions when really they should wait til info is offered.

I have to admit i made the same mistake once of asking my uncle when him and his wife are going to have another baby and said my aunt looks so clucky playing with my niece who was only 4 months old, later i found out they had been trying for a while and i felt so guilty i will never ask anyone again.
 
I think most of us do it to protect ourselves and our emotions. Only we know what a roller coaster of emotions we go through each cycle and having to explain things just adds to the stress of it all. My mom is a very emotional person and she is just so anxious for me to have another baby so for her to know that I've been trying for almost a year with no success would break her heart. So in a way I see it as protecting her too. My in-laws and friends ask us but we just say "maybe someday". It stops them from asking as much!
 
People who have never had any problems have a hard time grasping how difficult it can be get question like that. I also hate it that people feel they are entitled to such intimate details. The truth is, many people know that it's best to wait 3 months anyhow before spreading the word ( found that out the hard way) and if you aren't offering up any news, it's cause there is either no news or you aren't in a position to offer it. I find it astonishing when women don't understand this. But it's almost always those who have had an easy time of it.

It is horrible lying, especially to the people you love, but it is only to protect yourself. Remind yourself that they shouldn't be asking.
 
We told our friends, my husband is in the navy and I do not have family around and I need to talk, my in laws and their families got it, since my mil asked my husband and my husband is soooo excited and is hinting it to everybody. I sit on the deck and he tells everybody I am on baby an bump to find out how to get pregnant the faraway way :D I haven't told my parents, but my parents know that we want to get pregnant this year
 
I haven't really had many people ask me, probably bc they know i'll reply with a "are YOU pregnant?" instead of an answer ;) when I told my parents we were getting married my mom asked if I was pregnant :haha: we eloped after 5mo of dating, so she wasn't totally out of line :dohh: my wedding shower a couple moths later my mom AND mom-in law BOTH were trying to get a grandchild LOL i got all sorts of lingerie and stuff from them :haha: they kept talking about how much they LOVE babies.. we haven't told anyone that I stopped taking my BCP last month, but our families are going to be super excited when we get a BFP (and surpised!) we just moved 1500 mi away from them though, so not excited about going through all the pregnancy & baby stuff without them :cry:
my husbands friends ask all the time when we're having kids (they're all military so most of them have kids already, or are already pregs when they get married) we just moved to a new base for his job & everyone here has kids! then i look on they're FBs and they're only like 19 :dohh: so I feel like the old lady that just wants to have fun until we get a BFP :happydance:
 
military families have a lot of kids, everybody wonders why i do not have 2 yet :D
i have to military friends with irish twins
 
To be honest I don't get offended by other people's questions. Especially if it's friends and family asking. I don't think it's nosy at all! Having children is a natural progression of being in a long term relationship/marriage and the question is most always asked in a genuine, kind hearted way (not in a snide remark sort of way). Just as a fellow postee noted earlier in this thread - she asked someone the exact same question she flinches at being asked of her.

I wouldn't get offended if someone asked if I was planning on getting married or what method of BCP I'm using in girl talk (obviously not on the BCP now lol!). These are personal questions but they are universally expressed.

I understand that a lot of women are sick of the constant barrage and feel like you need to protect yourself but I do find that being open with these questions seem to quell the repetitive nature of them but saying that 'the time isn't right' or words of that ilk only open the floodgates for further questioning down the line.

When asked, I'm completely upfront and say 'yes, we're trying and hoping!' Those five little words seem to deliver to the recipient the fact that we obviously want a child and this is clearly not the easiest journey and it would probably be best to leave it at that!

Our family's are so completely supportive of us and it isn't a subject they bring up now however, they will mention it in the positive sense such as talking about circumstances where I WILL have children rather than IF I have them which is sweet.

I tend to ask the female relatives and friends about their signs and symptoms, tribulations etc. so I'm pretty sure their all sick of me asking about it rather than the other way round lol!

In my case honesty is the best policy but please don't think that I don't understand how heartbreaking this journey can be, so if it's a case of avoiding the question altogether or lying to protect your feelings - you're perfectly entitled to do so. Just wanted to air an opinion from the other side of the fence.

GL to all those trying xxx
 
Your not mental saying that, sometimes is better others dont know! I have not told anyone one that I am TTC - it would only get people talking and I just could not handle that!! I just say at the moment we are just too busy with our businesses but inside I am screaming "I am trying but its just not happening" I am sure there are many more ladies like us!! xx
 
My husband and i have one lil girl thats going to be four soon we have been TTC since she turned two. i feel like im gettin pressure from everywhere to have another one. My mother goes on and on every month about how i have to be preg. this month, how i've gotten so fat. And yet i bleed every 14 days and cry every time. My husband missed the whole first year of our daughters life, so he really is waiting for us to concive. I feel like i am letting everyone down, and have even considered ending my marrage so he can have the chance to expirence having a baby even if its not with me.

I feel so very alone, idk what to do



PLease don't feel like you are alone, there are many out there who are TTC, we have only been trying for two months, but I also feel the dissappointment and frustration when I bleed. My mother is constantly telling me that the last thing I need is to get pregnant right now, as I have other things going on in other aspects of my life, ie job changes, house moves etc, but I don't think she realises how this makes me feel. She also does not know the plans me and DH have made. I'm sure if she did she would never say it, but I know she's just trying to protect me, it just never comes out right!!! Just remember you are not alone x
 
I think people just ask as it's the natural thing to ask someone that's been married or in a relationship for a while. Or because they can't think of anything else to say. I agree it's people who've had an easy time of it themselves getting their BFP.

A friend of my SIL who has a wee girl asked me and DH at a house party, just after meeting us, so have you got any kids? And we said no it's just us - thinking she'd stop at that but NO... She went on 'so what have you just never thought about it then?' I was pretty gobsmacked! I just moved the conversation on and asked how old her wee girl was but I was thinking 'you bitch!' but I guess she's just naive.

If people have to ask they really shouldn't push it if we don't answer. It really is a massively personal qu that is noone else's business.

We've been married 3 yrs. I just finished years of work exams last yr so we've started TTC but other people think the same so I can't say I need to qualify first. My new line is 'I'm just enjoying my post studying life, thanks' but maybe I'll move to 'Maybe one day' and hopefully people will lay off me.

A colleague brought her new baby in to meet us all. Another girl is preg (IVF) and some guy said to me - what about u now ur finished exams are u going to be next - I gave my usual line but the Preg girl said ' u really shouldn't ask that - what if she'd been trying for yrs?' that shut him up! Oh and don't get me started on people at work asking that question - so inappropriate in a work environment! Ok I'll stop now! LOL!
 

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