Not having a great day, ladies.
As you all know, my DH and I had been planning on doing IVF, not ICSI. Beginning the day of my initial intake, I made it really clear we didn't want ICSI. DH and I even refused to sign the consent form for it at our baseline, and again prior to ER.
Well, after ER, pretty much as soon as I regained consciousness, the embryologist came in and started demanding I agree to ICSI. I told her NO for a full half hour, over and over, until she finally scared me enough (saying I wouldn't get any embryos if I didn't do it) and wearing me out enough (so exhausted and confused from the anesthesia), that I said fine, whatever, do half ICSI. I just wanted her to leave me alone and let me rest. I was so upset I was crying in the recovery room. She made it out like I didn't have any other choice- even though once I got home and recovered I realized we could have just frozen half my eggs to fertilize later!
So today we get a call from the embryologist telling us all our ICSI embryos all look really unhealthy. As in the not-going-to-make-it kind of unhealthy. No apology for cornering us into it. No, "Gee, I didn't expect that!" Just that they're inferior, stopping dividing, and badly fragmenting. Since ICSI puts the embryos at a much higher risk for genetic defects, their poor health wasn't surprising, but after fighting so hard to protect my eggs, it was very upsetting.
Our 6 IVF embryos are still growing, not as fast as the embryologist would like, but progressing steadily. The embryologist says we have a 70% chance of having one healthy enough to transfer on Monday. She doesn't think well have any to freeze. Statistically, with 18 eggs, one should expect 3-8 blastocyst. We have a 70% chance at ONE.
If she had just left well enough alone, we would have twice the number of IVF embryos growing right now. Instead, out of my 18 eggs, only 6 are doing well on day 3. I could cry. I told them at every appointment leading up to ER that I did NOT want ICSI. The doctor kept trying to get me to sign for it at every appointment even though there is nothing in our medical history that would suggest we need it. I always stuck to my guns. I ALWAYS said NO.
This evening, I wrote a letter to the head doctor at the clinic explaining what happened and told him we're not going to pay for the additional ICSI costs, plus we want part of our cycle refunded as compensation, since the embryologist pretty much forced us into a decision that caused the death of half our embryos. Hopefully, I made it really clear that from here on out, there will be no forcing us to "reconsider" any of our plans on ER day. If something terrible comes up, freeze the eggs.
So sorry to be so depressing today, but it just really hurts that they went against our wishes. Wishes we had stated over and over and over. And even if they were just clusters of a few cells, it doesn't mean that I'm not mourning for my ICSI embies.
Do u have another scan before u trigger? 
prayin that it will be fine for u on mon hun 
are they all a decent size for where u are in ur cycle do u know? Do u have far to go to get to ur clinic too? im lucky mines only 30mins away so can go after work if needed (i work nights). have u found that once uve started things have gone quickly or slowly? 
xxxx
Its upsetting for me to read and its not me going through it. Hope your other 6 embies do really really well and make it to 5 days 
Henna - hows ur cycle going hun? xxx
