IVF until we all get our bfp! 2012-present *13 w/twins & 1 w/triplets!*

[honeycheeks]

Bubu im sorry the results weren't as high as they were expected. I really dont know much about early betas. My clinic never does them so early. This is so hard. I would still hold on to hope. I will continue to pray for better results in your next beta. My heart goes out to you.

 

[GettingBroody]

Oh Bubu, my heart goes out to you I think if I were in your shoes I would continue with the meds til Friday... I also think I'd be tempted to do a hpt at this point just to see what it says. I'm so so sorry today wasn't full of good news but could it not just be a late implanter? Your numbers did go up... I really don't know enough about early betas so will just send more

 

[Stinas]

Oh bubu. This is upsetting. I just don't understand.
If u feel you should continue the meds, do it.
I don't believe in the numbers much myself. When I had the mc the numbers were still going up, almost doubling, but clearly there were no hb's.
I hope things turn around. I really do. You deserve it.

 

[MoBaby]

Oh bubu I'm soo sorry! I really thought this was it. Very heartbreaking. I'm sure you have tons of questions for the doctors. Hopefully you can get in soon.

 

[PRAYIN4BABIES]

Thanks Jenn - that was what I was trying to say (when looking on the internet, I have seen lower betas at 14 dpo) - but they said that at 14 dpo it should be higher and is definitely not viable - that I should not take the medication and shouldn't have false hopes.

I had read so much on the internet, that it is not the numbers that matter, but the increase. Compared to Sunday, the numbers haven't doubled ... unless of course the injected HCG influenced the numbers on Sunday...

I can't stop crying I can't work (and I have shit loads of work to do)... I feel so helpless, so broken, so out of energy, so unhappy. Today is 9dp5dt ... the results should be much higher ...

Bubu...all I am going to say is that I am not giving up....and I won't let you either.... I seriously wish I could give you a hug and just sit there with you....it's just not fair We have until Friday and I will be praying even harder that I have already been doing...

 

[Chris_25]

Thanks Jenn - that was what I was trying to say (when looking on the internet, I have seen lower betas at 14 dpo) - but they said that at 14 dpo it should be higher and is definitely not viable - that I should not take the medication and shouldn't have false hopes.

I had read so much on the internet, that it is not the numbers that matter, but the increase. Compared to Sunday, the numbers haven't doubled ... unless of course the injected HCG influenced the numbers on Sunday...

I can't stop crying I can't work (and I have shit loads of work to do)... I feel so helpless, so broken, so out of energy, so unhappy. Today is 9dp5dt ... the results should be much higher ...

I'm so sorry
I know i'm going to sound stupid, but can you tell me what your beta number is because i'm not understanding 8,70? I had my first beta at
8DP5DT and it was only 33.
I would continue the medication until you go again on Friday, just to play it safe.

 

[MoBaby]

8,70 = 8.70

 

[MrsC8776]

Hi ladies! I'm quite behind so I'm sorry that some of these replies are a little dated.

RMA called and I GOT SIX FROSTIES!!!!! They were tested and frozen. She said she didnt have any doubt that many making it to freeze they just wanted to take it a day further because they didnt see as many cells on day 5. I did ask for her opinion from experience what she thought and she said I should be just fine. I was truly feeling sick and dizzy from this anxiety....uggghhhhh...now the next set of worries will soon be here...lol...praying that none are abnormal

Thank you ladies for being there

I'm very sorry to hear that your cycle was canceled. Great news about the 6 fro sties and their grading. Fx for good testing results!!

Had my scan today and once again baby didnt want to give us a full face shot but we got a little bit. I am sad because the tech only printed the 4D images and I felt like the profile was seen on the regular pics better. Baby is breech today. Okay so now the bad part: I have to go in weekly now because I had some funneling. There was 1.1cm of funneling when 2 weeks ago there was none. My cervix length was 3.4-3.7 so there is still 2.3cm below the funneling and as long as it stays the same as that then I dont have to go out of work or have any other intervention. I have been having a bunch of BH contractions this week as well. So I go in on the 19th for another check to see how things are then the week after that. Its very hard to get once a week appts and try to figure out my work with it because they are not very flexible and now with the holidays we are short but I have to do what I have to do. Here is a pic of little mo but its not great.

Just try to take it easy and rest as much as possible. Keep those feet up and have DH do tons for you!

Kathy, congrats on 6 frosties - what a huge relief! Hopefully you'll get the results back quickly. Best of luck for your fet!

Mo, that's a bummer about weekly appointments but it's definitely better to be safe than sorry. I can't see the pic??

Bubu, how are you feeling?

Hello to everyone else! I hope you're all doing well.

AFM, Dawson is going through some kind of phase right now & it's exhausting. He wakes up quite a few times in the night, starting at about 9:30. His daytime naps are short & he's just cranky & fussy a lot. He's also not eating near enough - he should be getting 22-24 ounces a day & today he's only had 14, and it was a fight getting him to drink that much. I've been reading Wonder Weeks & I think he's in a big developmental transition right now. I know it can't possibly last forever but I'm so tired & am having a really hard time staying patient & sane. My mom has been bugging me to let him spend the night at her house & I think I'll take her up on it soon!

I'm sorry Dawson's sleep has been horrible. Any improvements? The girls have been sleeping like crap ever since teething started. Emma wakes up at 2am EVERY single day... I'm going crazy. It would be fine if she went right back to sleep after a bottle but nope... she stays up until 530 or 6 and then goes back to sleep. Not great when Ava wakes up between 4 and 5 everyday. Sometimes she does the same thing as Emma. It's a nightmare. I got two "naps" last night. 12-2 and 6-745. I hope Dawson gives you some rest soon.

MoBaby - cute pic! Can't the doctor put in a cerclage to help with the incompetent cervix? I hope all goes well next week and they don't make you go on bed rest.

Kathy - Yaaa for 6 embies, at least now you will be rested and in tip top shape for your transfer! Good luck and lots of

Bubumaci - I can't wait for you to I have such high hopes and good feelings about this one!!! The anticipation is killing me as though it were me!!

Stinas - I'm so excited for you that you felt little kicks, I'm sure it was amazing!

I hope everyone is doing well and is enjoying the Christmas season ( or Hanukkah or whatever you celebrate). I'm trying to be patient but am ready to get the show on the road because waiting let's me always think about the what ifs like what if I didn't miscarry, I would be through my first trimester right after Christmas, those kinds of things and I hate doing that to myself. So bring on the 31st for my testing and then on to January so I can do my 2nd FET!

Jan will be here before you know it. I have everything crossed for you!

Hello ladies! Thanks for remembering me Mrs. C I've been trying to catch up on everyone's updates and I'm so anxious to hear about your results Bubu! Fingers are crossed! Love seeing everyone's baby pictures as well, super adorable! Hoping everyone has a great holiday and stay warm! Mother nature just dropped over 7inches on us and the dogs have no idea how to handle it lol.
We had to cancel our October cycle just as I started meds because my OH really wanted me to start going to a chiropractor for my back pain, just couldn't handle both medical expenses at the same time. So at this point we won't be picking back up on IVF until after our wedding. I'm aiming for Feb. 2015. We'll be doing lots of practicing meanwhile Who knows, maybe the planets will align and our parts will do what they're supposed to do lol.
Good luck to everyone!! Gotta run before phone battery decides to finally die! Apologies for not finishing personals!

Of course! I'm sorry to hear you had to cancel your cycle. Hopefully you will feel better for Feb. cycle and everything will go great!

Kathy - That sucks!! Pisses me off! We spend all this $$…we deserve to be top priority at all times.

BUBU - Did you get to freeze any?

PS…..I feel movement!!! Got a couple swift kicks last night! Super cool! Nothing like a butterfly feeling IMO…more like little taps!

Well ladies it is carpal tunnel. I got a prescription to buy those wrist bands/splints things. Yay….she also said to keep an eye on swelling of the fingers….kind of hinting on me taking off my rings, which I won't until I can't wear them lol I waited tooooo long to get them just to take them off now lol Plus no finger swelling yet.
Other than that….anatomy scan friday as well as my first of two glucose tests…yay for scans, boo for drinking that gross stuff. blah
PS, I have the night off and of course its still snowing…probably only because I actually made a hair apt I NEED to get to 45min away. Yay me!

Yay for feeling movement!! I agree it's like little pops or taps.

Please be careful with your rings!! I'm only of the people who have had to get the wedding rings cut off. Yep I didn't want to take them off and over night my fingers got so swollen. I was in so much pain!! I tried everything to get them off. I tried so hard and my finger was so swollen after not being able to get them off that I thought it was going to pop. Had to go down to the fire department and get them cut off. Thankfully they were able to be repaired with the warranty and it looks like new. Still a shitty thing to have happen.

So, I have the results ... they said that they don't look that good. My HCG has gone up since Sunday - but not by much So it can't be the HCG that I injected ... but I just don't get it.
Sunday, it was 6,8 ... today, it's 8,70... I have to go in for another blood test on Friday....

I guess the only thing I can hope / pray for, is that the results were "higher" on Sunday because of the injected HCG - would have been lower, but have gone up / more than doubled for today's results ... thing is, I have run out of energy to hope (even though my boobs have been hurting more).

E2 + progesterone have gone down. And they told me to stop taking the medication.

I'm not really sure what to say. I have a lot of hope for you and I know deep inside you do as well. Don't let that hope go. Please! No matter what comes of this cycle we are all here for you. We may not be there in person but you know (as well as many others) that sometimes we understand a lot more than a friend who is sitting next to you.

 

[GettingBroody]

Well said MrsC!

 

[bubumaci]

Thanks for "translating" Mo. Yep - Sunday was 6,80 (or 6.80) today was 8,70 (or 8.70). Actually, I have no questions for the doctor. What is there to ask? All pretty self-explanatory, I feel.

MrsC - I am out of energy. I don't have any energy left. I have gone through 5 ICSIs + 8 transfers. Anyone who had just one or two or perhaps four tries and failures will know, how much energy, hope, ... that costs. I feel sucked dry. After this year, I had really hoped that my luck would change - that something good would come. We have paid a fortune for this - we are entirely out of pocket, so you can imagine what 8 tries have cost us ... I don't think I can do this any more.

Thank you all for your support + kind and loving words. I really have appreciated it!

 

[Mamali]

Bubu am so sorry . Praying and hoping things change for the best Friday. You are in my thoughts and prayers dear .

 

[MoBaby]

Bubu my heart beaks for you. I know how you feel. We had almost given up before this fet we had... We actually had decided to use donor sperm and do iui (with different re) since my ovulation is okay and use clomid to get eggs in both sides... We weren't even going to use our frosties b/c we were tired and broken and had spent already so much money. I had a talk with our current re and we decided to give our frosties a Chance and here we are. I know you have one frosty left.. Does your re see any reason to transfer it? Also maybe do some sort of immune testing or steroids with the transfer. I also recommend doing a drug free transfer as sometimes the drugs work against you (which was my case)... I know you'll need time to sort things out. We are here for you whatever your decision.

 

[never2late70]

Bubu: I too am absolutely crushed for you. I hope this isn't an inappropriate question, but have you two ever given donor egg/sperm any consideration? As you know, I had to finally turn to donor egg after my own had failed me miserably, with success after the first round.

I really hurt for you.

Try to stay strong..

 

[Jenn76]

Bubu: I'm sorry you're feeling so defeated you have been so positive throughout this and I have always admired your optimism. This isn't fair one bit. I'm still holding out hope for you tomorrow. I hate to see you give up. There are other options you can explore when you are feeling up to it. You can become a mommy and it would be horrible that in the end of all this that wasn't the outcome. So please don't give up.

MrsC: That sucks! Mine aren't great sleepers either, never have been but it's not as bad as you described.

 

[Chris_25]

Bubu I'm very sorry I was really praying this would be it for you! I am still praying for you and can understand why you would feel burnt out. Stay strong

 

[bubumaci]

Hi girls - thank you for all your thoughts!
DH rang the clinic this morning (because I was so crushed yesterday - I did stop taking the medication ... but also would like to understand, why I have "felt" so like it had worked ... with the constant pressure in my abdomen, that I otherwise never have)... he spoke with the same nurse I had on the line yesterday and she had a go at him, that he should support her and not cling to false hope and not try to give me false hope ... he said, but what if there is a 1% chance that it has worked - each try costs us 6-7 KEUR, shouldn't we try to support it as long as possible ... she was very huffy with him and when he asked, whether my continuing to take the medication could have any negative effect, she said no and if it makes me happy, I should keep taking them until Friday and she will make a note in the system. (I didn't take them yesterday, but after DH rang today, I did). He said that she wouldn't let him finish his sentences (bit like me yesterday ... until I started crying *lol*) and just kept saying we shouldn't cling to false hope... That none of the numbers are good, blah, blah, blah...

Anyhow ... the certainty I had, that I feel something, that he / she is there ... is slowly going away - am not feeling it any more today (*cue abdominal pressure again*)...

@ Angie ... yes both would be an option ... except that not both are - in Germany, donor egg is illegal. Can't be done. Donor Sperm would be an option and I guess we might start talking about it. Our doctor had said that he didn't think it would make a difference because once they manage to fertilise, it comes down to the quality of the egg (which TBH I am not so sure is true - especially since we have had some really good quality eggs and I do produce a lot and they fertilise a lot)... I wouldn't even be against doing a joint batch of DH + donor - if they were to do that and then just transfer whatever is looking best at transfer date... Unfortunately, donor egg, like I say, is illegal in Germany. I would perhaps visit that option, if we have tried with donor sperm and still end up without a positive result. There is a clinic I have been looking at in Budapest that has quite a good success rate - and it's not that far and I could live at home and even work from there during treatment...

@ Mo - yes, we still have one frosty (from the February go). He said that its quality wasn't that great (it is a blast) and the reason he wanted to do fresh, is because he wanted us to have a better chance with more to transfer - and the last two fresh goes, we have had two nice blasts each try. But I might just say, that I want to do a FET with that one and then be done with it. We have to pay for 6 months storage at a time....

 

[michelle01]

Oh Bubu, I am sooo terribly heartbroken for you. You certainly have been through so much and deserve more then anything to be a mommy!!! I know how exhausting going through this is and I couldn't imagine the financial impact this has had on you and your DH. What about adoption? Is that a thought? We are all here for you, no matter what

Stinas - Carpel tunnel sucks! I had surgery in both hands for it and it is so painful at times. Good luck with your gestational diabetes test!! how are you feeling these days?

Kathy - Thinking about you

Things are going pretty good with me; FINALLY past being sick after 3 weeks Its been nice that Tyler has his break right now from both schools and activities, so I don't feel like I am running around with my head cut off. I am not lucky enough to get any time off though next week I only have xmas day off, but I am not complaining since I was out of work for 12 weeks. Actually hoping to spend a nice quiet day next Wednesday at home with just our family!

We plan to go to DH's mom/dad house Tuesday night. His dad had emergency surgery Tuesday because his artery was 95% blocked; talk about scary!! And with his brother in the dying stages his poor mom is stressed out right now. SO we decided to have a small get together Tuesday night and spend the day home Wednesday. I am actually looking forward to it. And work will be quiet too the following days.

 

[Stinas]

BUBU - WTF?!! This whole situation makes me mad and upset at the same time!!! Like, it would be soooo much easier if it were 0….but the fact that its any number higher makes you wonder whats going on.
I never knew DE is illegal over there. Crazy. Its hard to think of it, but would you be able to go do IVF maybe in another country? Just a thought. I would do the FET before anything though. One last try.
I hate that this is happening!

MrsC - I am going to start sleeping with my rings off. My wedding band I don't think they would be able to cut off…its an eternity band with diamonds going all around….you pretty much can't see whats holding the diamonds together.

Michelle - I am doing good besides my wrists…..no news to report. Its busy season at work, so we have been here night and day. Come Jan/Feb I am going to cut it down…by March ill probably be done all together.
Your boys are super cute! Love the holiday pics!

I tried getting my prescription for the splints today before work, but apparently RiteAid does not give them…so I have to go to a real pharmacy. I bought over the counter ones for now until I have the time to go. Woke up today with the worst pain in my right wrist…sucks.
No one ever tells you these pregnancy symptoms!!!

 

[bubumaci]

Thanks Michelle - yes, we would think about adoption. The thing is, I would really want to have a baby / newborn ... and ... for that I am too old Certainly by the time we are through the approval process and can get on a waiting list. But already now. In Germany, you can adopt a baby between 21 and 35 ... I am 38. Personally, I think that from 21 is ridiculous ... how many 21 year-olds have built a solid financial foundation and - furthermore - are with their partner for life + already know that they can't have children naturally??? But hey ... those are the rules. In fact, by the time we would be approved for adoption, the list is horrendously long and we could be on it for goodness knows how many years. By which time I would be getting to the age where I would not want my child to have such an "old" Mother (assuming we could still have a young child). Not because I think the age is old - but because I don't want for my child to still be in school when we are OAPs!

My Father and his wife adopted (I was 13 when my parents divorced, 14 when they got married, 15 when I was sent to live with my Mother and 18 when they adopted). The children were 10 and 6.... They - especially my Stepmother (the one who was desperate to have children) - have strongly recommended against adopting older children. I think mainly because of the younger one, who had her first baby at 19 and her second at 24, from different Fathers, neither of whom she is with!

Finally - I just really want my own baby! I have always marvelled at the miracle of reproduction. I have always dreamt of (including all negative and positive experiences) pregnancy. Of feeling this being, this personality, this new person growing inside of me. Of giving birth, giving life.... and then nurturing that life, watching it develop etc. etc. (well basically, what all you are blessed with being able to do *smile*). But hey ... "we don't always get, what we want". And it is starting to look very much like I will have to give up on this dream.

Hey Stinas (you posted while I was writing). Yes - I have been looking at the clinic in Budapest, where they do also do donor eggs. But I would want to a) use our frosty and b) do a donor sperm / DH sperm try before going down the DE route. Everything works for my body like clockwork. Hormones, ovulation etc. etc. and when we stim, I have a very good response - so I don't think that I have poor ovarian reserve or that the quality has gone downhill yet... If we do have to go donor, I would like to have at least one half be part of us I am so sorry that you are having so much pain with your wrists

 

[Stinas]

BUBU - Oh yes, I understand. I would exhaust every option possible before going the donor route.