Jealousy

[Cutiemomma]

I miscarried after my 10th week of pregnancy. I found out through an ultrasound that my baby wasn't growing and wasn't going to. We opted for a d&c procedure because we had no idea when it was going to pass on it's own and the emotional stress it was putting on me was just too much. This happend at the begining of January and I am still having trouble dealing with it. Yesterday my sister in law told us that she was pregnant and I am truly happy for her, but at the same time I am insanely jealous of her! It's like I'm mourning all over again for my baby and I am having trouble being as happy as I should be for my sister in law. Can anyone help me with these feelings and what I can do? Thanks!

 

[spellfairy]

cutie momma you will get your baby, try not to be jelous. My sister had a new born also and 2 pals are pregnant gutted. None have spoke to me yet (dont think i could handle seeing pregnant women this gets to me more ) there are baby parties and christenings and i dont think i can handle going to them, but i guess il be known as a spoilt sport. The worse thing for me was after i lost my baby at 19 weeks was walking out of hospital, after placenta being removed, and seeing a pregnant women with her folder i just froze my baby was behind me in the hospital i was raging i had to leave without my baby but thats life crap at times

 

[bellamamma]

Hi cutiemomma, so sorry for your loss! I understand completely about your jealousy! It's one of the hard things to deal with that come along with a mc. A friend of mine was pg at the same time as me, and she went on to have a healthy baby while I lost mine. I avoided her as much as possible (fortunately we were both busy with work, etc), and cried after seeing her. I hid my feelings from her, though, as I know her well enough to know she wouldn't understand. I also cried the whole night after hers was born, but it gets better...now have another friend who's ttc and I did tell her that I might have some "jealousy" if she gets pg before me again, and she understood perfectly. I think, if it's possible, talk about it, if not, go home and cry/beat the couch/scream, etc. The month of my due date, I couldn't stand seeing pg women, so I stayed home as much as possible, cuz they seem to be all over the place when you don't want to see them!! Anyway, just know it's perfectly normal, and doesn't make you a bad person, and take care of yourself, if others don't understand that's ok, they haven't been there. Big hug!!

 

[diverdi]

Jealousy is completely normal. Don't view it as a negative thing, you're not wishing a loss on any of the pregnant women you see, just wishing you could still be pregnant.

 

[HollieQ]

Awe I'm so sorry . It's perfectly normal to feel like that xxxx

I was the same, I just distanced myself from my pregnant friends, they were all (apart from 1) fab and wouldn't even mention their pregnancy to me till i asked - they had all been through mc's so i think they understood.

For the first time at the weekend I felt strong enough to meet my best friend's baby, she's over a month old now, she lives in the middle of nowhere so bad weather had meant I couldn't meet her earlier, i don't think i was ready to either. She asked me to be her godmother!!!! I was chuffed to bits, proud and broody, excited to try again soon, but not a pang of jealousy was there, finally it's gone, under a year later!

 

[Eternal]

your feelings are normal. I have a bad time hearing about peoples pregnancy, some people its easier to deal with than others. My SIL announcing her pregnancy would kill me. As time goes on it gets easier. hopfully we will get pregnant again and carry to full term with healthy babies and all those ill feelings will disappear! Good luck, and im so sorry for your loss. i lost mine at 11 weeks so i know how hard it is xxx

 

[Cutiemomma]

Thanks everyone! It does help to know that I am normal and my feelings don't make me a bad person. I'm sorry for all of your losses as well! I must say the one thing getting me through this is my other sister in law. She had a miscarriage October of 2009 and just had a beautiful baby girl in November of 2010. That little girl is giving me the hope that I need to get through this. That sister in law knows how I'm feeling and is so supportive.