- Joined
- Sep 16, 2009
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Trigger Warning: Gender Disappointment
Ok, so when I found out I was having a boy, I was gutted. Cried my eyes out for days and it took me a while to come round and sometimes I still have the odd pang where I struggle with the fact that I wanted this baby to be my last but it only would have felt like I was complete, had it been a girl. I'd have had equal of each and I'd have felt complete and satisfied. But knowing I've another boy, I've got used to the fact I'm having a boy, nothing I can do about it this time...I'm thinking of baby number 7 to try again which of course, still carries no guarantees that that one will be a girl.
Anyways, tonight was one friends hen night and another friend who is mutual friend and also a fellow bridesmaid was finding out the gender of her baby today. As they're my friends, I've been open about my GD and I said to my friend that regardless of the result, I'll be happy for her and I won't ruin her moment for her based on my feelings.
Now....this is where I'm unsure of where my feelings are justified and/or drawing over the selfish verge.
So she found out at lunch time and I was seriously hoping that she'd say either way so that I could either cry my feelings of jealousy out if it was a girl so I could just have it out of my system for tonight or feel some happiness in the situation that we would both be having boys together.
She messaged on the group chat "I know you're gagging to know but I've decided to wait til I see you tonight "
I was like oh ok. So tonight rolls round and at nearly midnight, I still don't know. I feel like if it's a girl, she's been unknowingly cruel in dragging this out when she could have just got it over with and just said. On my own personal level, I've been battling a huge array of emotions and feel like this has taken over the whole evening in terms of me sat with a huge question mark over the whole situation due to not knowing and not feeling like it was my place to put her on the spot and ask.
However, I think the confirmation its a girl took place by way of a conversation that was had with my friend and someone else when the other person said she thinks she's having a boy. There was no confirmation but a rather coy silence and a look of not knowing where to put herself and again, on a personal level...that felt like a punch to the gut considering if that was how I'd just found out, that was such a hurtful way to find out. To this point, she's still not confirmed anything and right now I just feel numb. I am confused over how I should be feeling. I don't even know if I should be feeling anything. But it's just worn me out emotionally over this whole day. A huge part of me was really hoping that the reason she wanted to wait to tell me in person was because it was a boy. I just didn't think it would be a case of her dragging things out and I'm torn over how to feel. Should I be feeling hurt? Should I be giving my head a wobble? I don't know how to feel.
I can't talk to her. I'm scared I'll overload and say something I shouldn't so I'm just opting to take a step back for now. Anyway, I'll stop my rambling. I just don't feel like I can talk to anyone I know about this one so I just needed to get it down somewhere
Ok, so when I found out I was having a boy, I was gutted. Cried my eyes out for days and it took me a while to come round and sometimes I still have the odd pang where I struggle with the fact that I wanted this baby to be my last but it only would have felt like I was complete, had it been a girl. I'd have had equal of each and I'd have felt complete and satisfied. But knowing I've another boy, I've got used to the fact I'm having a boy, nothing I can do about it this time...I'm thinking of baby number 7 to try again which of course, still carries no guarantees that that one will be a girl.
Anyways, tonight was one friends hen night and another friend who is mutual friend and also a fellow bridesmaid was finding out the gender of her baby today. As they're my friends, I've been open about my GD and I said to my friend that regardless of the result, I'll be happy for her and I won't ruin her moment for her based on my feelings.
Now....this is where I'm unsure of where my feelings are justified and/or drawing over the selfish verge.
So she found out at lunch time and I was seriously hoping that she'd say either way so that I could either cry my feelings of jealousy out if it was a girl so I could just have it out of my system for tonight or feel some happiness in the situation that we would both be having boys together.
She messaged on the group chat "I know you're gagging to know but I've decided to wait til I see you tonight "
I was like oh ok. So tonight rolls round and at nearly midnight, I still don't know. I feel like if it's a girl, she's been unknowingly cruel in dragging this out when she could have just got it over with and just said. On my own personal level, I've been battling a huge array of emotions and feel like this has taken over the whole evening in terms of me sat with a huge question mark over the whole situation due to not knowing and not feeling like it was my place to put her on the spot and ask.
However, I think the confirmation its a girl took place by way of a conversation that was had with my friend and someone else when the other person said she thinks she's having a boy. There was no confirmation but a rather coy silence and a look of not knowing where to put herself and again, on a personal level...that felt like a punch to the gut considering if that was how I'd just found out, that was such a hurtful way to find out. To this point, she's still not confirmed anything and right now I just feel numb. I am confused over how I should be feeling. I don't even know if I should be feeling anything. But it's just worn me out emotionally over this whole day. A huge part of me was really hoping that the reason she wanted to wait to tell me in person was because it was a boy. I just didn't think it would be a case of her dragging things out and I'm torn over how to feel. Should I be feeling hurt? Should I be giving my head a wobble? I don't know how to feel.
I can't talk to her. I'm scared I'll overload and say something I shouldn't so I'm just opting to take a step back for now. Anyway, I'll stop my rambling. I just don't feel like I can talk to anyone I know about this one so I just needed to get it down somewhere