Just Need Some Advice About When You Started Trying Again...

[MRS_HJO]

Hi All,

This was my very first pregnancy, and I am going through a miscarriage. Naturally, I am completely screwed up in the head, feeling every emotion I could feel, and mostly I'm just scared, depressed, angry, and feel like a failure. I have no idea if I really want to try again any time soon, and really don't know if I will ever feel good about getting pregnant again... But my husband and I want a family more than anything... My MIL is already pressuring me to get right back in there, and I don't have the heart to tell her I don't think I can right away...

Can you all just tell me when you felt emotionally ready to start trying again?

Thank you, and I'm sorry for your losses, truly.

Heather

 

[hollyw79]

I'm so sorry my dear I 100% understand the MIL bit.. I went away for the weekend to her vacation home shortly after the mc and while my DH was with his dad- she started unloading HER grief on ME about the baby that I -ME!!!- lost! I near had a breakdown. I wasn't - and I still am not- able to help anyone short of my DH with any of THEIR feelings- it was the baby inside of me, that I lost, that I felt, that I bled over, that I had surgery for- ME. NO ONE except the mother fully grasps what it's like. She's wanted a grandchild for 10 years now and my DH is her only hope... it's one of those things where you have to pretty much just focus on what's best for YOU. I ADORE my MIL~ I really do~ sweetest woman ever BUT- it was and is very hard. I can honestly say for me- there was a moment initially when I was scared in the first week after- but I've been ready to have a baby pretty immediately after as we went through having an IUI to get to where we were and this baby was very much wanted.

I think you WILL eventually feel good about having a baby again~ even if you are worried~ I think it sounds like the desire is still in you but this all JUST happened for you and you are just now going through it so allow yourself that time- however much time- you need!

 

[Jox]

sorry for your loss.

You'll know when your ready and dont let anyone force you.

For me, my son was stillborn at 36 weeks and we decided we wanted to TTC straight away. I think for us the need for a baby to take home took over any other feeling. I fell preg straight away and for me it was the best thing BUT looking back I think i probably wasnt ready but glad i did iykwim?

I hope the days pass by gently and you get your BFP quickly when you are ready

xxx

 

[Neversaynever]

Firstly, so sorry for your loss

It'll be four weeks tomorrow since my ERPC and there have been many times where I have wondered if I am ready to try again both emotionally and physically. I am now waiting for AF so I can try tying to track my cycle although it's possibly going to take a while for it to return to normal and that's something out of our control unfortunately.

As for being emotionally ready...doubt I ever will be to be honest. This was also my first pregnancy and I feel that I'll worry even more than I did last time and I have the fear of "what if it happens again?"

There'll be many ifs buts and maybes along the way and I know that I feel better about things four weeks on, but not totally back to being me I that makes sense?

Hugs hun

XxX

 

[Veronicaco]

I know what you are saying, I am so sad today. I mc on Thursday and can't quite get my head around it but I am going to start trying again straight away. I only told my parents and brother. My dad has been a total #€$^ about it saying 'we are as upset as you are' as if that were even possible which has upset me loads. It's just a specific type of pain and you just don't comprehend it until you have been through it. I know now that I am guilty of not really understanding when it happened to someone close to me.
I can't tell you what is right for you but I am going to just go for it I dont think that time will improve the way I feel as I think leaving it will make me think I have missed opportunities to get preg again iykwim.
But as you can tell from this garbled mess of a post my head is all over the place still argghh!

 

[lovebug30]

Hi All,

This was my very first pregnancy, and I am going through a miscarriage. Naturally, I am completely screwed up in the head, feeling every emotion I could feel, and mostly I'm just scared, depressed, angry, and feel like a failure. I have no idea if I really want to try again any time soon, and really don't know if I will ever feel good about getting pregnant again... Can you all just tell me when you felt emotionally ready to start trying again?

I'M VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOST -THANK YOU FOR YOUR POST I'M IN THE SAME POSITION RIGHT NOW..MC 7 WEEKS AGO AND I'M FEELING ANDRY AND VERY VERY SCARRED TO EVEN THINK OF TRYING AGAIN..I JUDT DON'T THINK I COULD GO THROUGH ANOTHER MC...I HOPE THAT WE BOTH ONE DAY GET THE BABY WE SO DEEPLY WISG FOR!

 

[MsJMouse]

I have up days and down days. Some days I am so sure about ttc again and then others where the thought of some going wrong again scares the life out of me and I am not sure if I want to travel this path again. AF arrived for the first time since my MMC on Sunday so at this stage we will be ttc this cycle as we have been given the okay. I think if it happens it is meant to and what be will be but gees this is a scary proposition. Ultimately I really want to have my first child and that outways the fear.

Try again when you feel ready. I am sure you will know when you are but you are still sure to have days when you feel less certain and I think that is just part of ttcal.

 

[xSamanthax]

I am so sorry for your loss hun I had a MC at 9 weeks in Jan 2011, I still think about my Baby Angel everyday!... for me i decided to TTC again after my first AF after the MC to make sure my body was getting back to 'normal', I was lucky and got another BFP the first try. Believe me it is scary! but everyone on here will keep you sane and give you advice.
Don't listen to ANYONE else, you will know when you feel ready to TTC again, until you feel ready don't try, it will just mess with your head even more.

Sending lots of your way

 

[Rowan75]

so sorry for you loss

for me with my first mc we started ttc again the next cycle, my second mc was Nov 2010 and Im just starting to feel ready this time

I think everyones different and you'll know when it feels right x

 

[lulu83]

Im SOOO sorry to hear about your loss Mrs Hjo. I remember seeing you in the 1st tri posts when i was there

After my 1st mc, we waited until after my fist period. luckily for us, we did get pregnant in February, after having the d&c in dec. Unfortunately, i had my 2nd mc on the 7th of this month.

Its definitely all in how YOU feel emotionally. All i wanted to do was try again after my first mc, now im a lot more scared and hesitant. waiting to talk to my dr thursday about what tests he might do to see whats causing the mcs.

Not sure if its true, but ive read that youre more fertile right after a mc? i know we got pregnant right after my 1st period, we just cant get any to stick.

I really hope you get that sticky one soon! Stay strong Its YOUR decision, not anyone elses....just try to remember that
We're thinkin about ya!

 

[mastersdoggie]

Hi All,

This was my very first pregnancy, and I am going through a miscarriage. Naturally, I am completely screwed up in the head, feeling every emotion I could feel, and mostly I'm just scared, depressed, angry, and feel like a failure.
Heather

Hello Heather!! I am very sorry about your loss. I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks - spontaneous abortion - it was horrible. i not only felt like a failure but also that everyone let me down.

my gyno asked me to wait for 6 months before trying. i feel that was more for medical reasons, not emotional.

my suggestion to you: please take a deep breath, get over the disappointment (i know it is easier said than done), tell yourself that it happened for good and a gorgeous baby is just waiting to come into your womb. if your gyno says you can start trying, please try with hope and trust in your mind. be cheerful - your time will come soon!! good luck!! keep us posted when you get a BFP!!