Just need support,feel so lost

[Andypanda6570]

I did get to hold my Ava for a while and I thank God for that. When they asked up if we wanted a photo my husband immediately said NO... I wanted to scream YES i want it, I don't know why I went along with it I will regret that forever I was on the labor ward when I lost Ava all I did was hear the women screaming and giving birth I just wanted to go home and die , so maybe that is why I didn't speak up about the photo, I don't know..

 

[Bride2b]

Just called the liason officer thats been dealing with me, she wasnt in yesterday & didnt get chance to chance it on Monday. She said she'll ring back tomorrow with an update (and on the photo situation). I said to her I might be asking the impossible but will you be able give me a date tomorrow as I cant deal with this any longer, she said hopefully.

My OH asked why I am so tired last night, I said "maybe its something to do with the fact that I gave birth to a baby 2 weeks ago that didnt survive." I told him I'd been chasing the woman regarding getting the funeral sorted & wasnt getting anywhere. He then offered to call today and get an answer...I'm not sure if I should ring him and see if he can get her to do this all a bit faster as I really cant cope not knowing for another day. I have a constant headache through all the worrying!

 

[Bride2b]

My OH called the hospital this afternoon and had a real go at the family liason person. It wasnt the woman who I had been speaking to but the other one. He told her he wants a date otherwise he'll arrange it all and send the bill to the hospital & if its not sorted by tomorrow we will put in an official complaint! He told them that I am going to start counselling on Monday and how am I supposed to talk about how I feel if we've not had closure.

I just want this over with. I just want the pain to go away.

 

[DueSeptember]

My OH called the hospital this afternoon and had a real go at the family liason person. It wasnt the woman who I had been speaking to but the other one. He told her he wants a date otherwise he'll arrange it all and send the bill to the hospital & if its not sorted by tomorrow we will put in an official complaint! He told them that I am going to start counselling on Monday and how am I supposed to talk about how I feel if we've not had closure.

I just want this over with. I just want the pain to go away.

Awwww why are they taking so long to get a date...I had Maya cremated with the other stillborn babies...I had her in June and the Funeral service was in July so I had to go to my Moms July 9th and Mayas July 15th...I think part of me Died and the pain is still with me...I cry all the time and if it wasnt for my Man I would probably be Lost in this World...He has been there for me since Day 1 if I need to cry or talk he will be there for me...Support is the Best especially coming from him because I really needed it...Hope you get closure soon...but I dont think the pain ever goes away

 

[Bride2b]

Just thought I'd check in with an update. I phoned again today about the funeral, and she didnt have a date. I asked for the phone number of the funeral directors and she didnt want to give it to me. I broke down & told her I can not deal with this anymore & we feel like we have been forgotten & so has our baby. She promised to call me back by 5pm which she did with a date. Its 23rd Dec, a little closer to Christmas than we hoped but its a date I can get my head around & know that we can have closure. We just need to wait for the chaplain to call regarding the finer details.

I also asked the woman about the photos, she said I needed to speak to labour ward. Why she didnt tell me this a week ago when I asked I dont know. I just felt its another week on and he could have changed so much. I phoned labour ward and asked if they did take photos and they came back to me and said they were sorry but they didnt take any. I expected this as at the time I didnt want any. I asked if they able to take photos of his hands and feet if they hadnt changed too much, or maybe take them in black & white. The lady was lovely & knew I was very upset, so she said she'd go find out and see if she could take some after all this time. I hadnt told my OH about the photos as I didnt think he'd approve. Anyway a lady called who was there the night I had Bertie and she said she managed to get some & I could go and meet her at the reception & she would take me some where quite to look at the photos and have a chat. She was really lovely. I am going to see her on Monday when I go for my counselling appointment. My OH asked who was on the phone & I started to explain about the photos, and said I had asked them if they had taken any. He got quite annoyed and asked why I would want photos. I didnt tell him that they had taken some for me. We've not said much to each other since, I just told him I dont want him to be angry with me. I dont want to lie to him, but I will tell him on Monday that I got some & he doesnt have to look at them if he's not comfortable. For me I had a different connection with Bertie. I know this is my last chance to ever have a photo of him, and know I could never live with myself if I dont have those photos. Maybe I am clinging onto something that I cant have, but I feel not ever having a photo will kill me. I just hope OH can understand my choice. I think he is probably worried that it wont help me.
I brought a gorgeous sparkly picture frame & it arrived today. It has two photo slots. I put Berties name & copies of his hand and foot prints in the top section & his scan picture in the bottom. I think it looks beautiful, not shown OH yet, but its in our room for now. I dont want to forget Bertie, and I dont want to put the scan photos & footprints away in a draw & pretend he didnt ever exist.
I will try and upload a photo at some point.

xx

 

[OliveBay]

I'm so pleased you're finally getting some of the things you've been fighting for. It does seem like you've had to really keep nagging to get things sorted, when these things really should have been done automatically for you

Your photo frame sounds lovely. I keep looking at my photos of my scans and of my baby in the hospital, and i find it very therapeutic. Instead of feeling tragically upset, I now feel sad and regretful but also thankful for the time I did get to spend enjoying my pregnancy and the time we held our boy after he arrived. I'm not sure my OH feels the same way as me about the photos, but I make sure he looks at them every now and then as I don't want us to stop talking about our little boy.

I hope it goes well for you on Monday

 

[Jewels84]

Please don't blame yourself.

I was 20 weeks when I gave birth to my little boy. I didn't even know I was pregnant. I had the pains you mentioned but I was also bleeding. I actually thought it was my period. A day later I had to go to the ER b/c the pain was so bad. Turns out they were contractions, and I gave birth 6 hours later (I also had no fluid around the baby). That was on Nov 10th and everyday since I've blamed myself. I chose not to see him and hold him, and I forever will regret that decision. So be thankful that you had even a little time with him. They never gave me any answers and said it's just "one of those things." I blamed myself for not knowing my body better and taking the care I needed to.

I've come to terms with things a little better now. I've stopped being so hard on myself and realized that God just needed a new perfect angel. It's still incredibly hard, don't get me wrong. But there's nothing I can do now, and my little one would not want his momma to be depressed all of the time.

I rushed back to work. I was such a mess sitting at home that my husband thought it would be better for me if I got back into my normal routine. That was NOT a good idea. I cried all day, in front of clients that obviously I couldn't tell why I was upset. Honestly after the hormones were gone, I felt better and could control myself when I needed to. It's rough dealing with hormones and a loss at the same time. I would just talk to your boss. I think everyone is different in how long they needed, and no doctor can predict that. If you need more time, take it.

Mine is still fairly new, a little over a month. But I'm doing much better than I was at first. It does get easier, you will feel better. Just hang in there. You can do it.

 

[Bride2b]

Oh my gosh I am so shocked by your story. Rushing back to work is not a good idea. With us ladies I think the hormones have a massive part to play in the grief, and thats not something that can be controlled.

x