A
AppleBlossom
Guest
At the minute I'm really depressed. My OH is depressed which is making it worse. I just wish I could run away somewhere where I could just be on my own. All day yesterday Grace cried and screamed and I couldn't put her down. I didn't even get chance to get dressed until 5. I don't eat until dinner time and I'm losing too much weight, I'm about 6stone 11. I keep thinking about what I could be doing if I wasn't tied down. I can hardly go anywherewithout there being a screaming match. I feel like a bad mother because whenever it's just me and Grace she whinges and plays up but whenever her dad's home she's lovely. If she's with me and she starts crying sometimes if my OH comes over she laughs her head off then cries again when he leaves. It's as if she hates me, although I know she doesn't. My OH is depressed about his job and just life in general and there's nothing I can do to make him happy, it's like a viscious circle. He's unhappy so he takes it out on me which upsets me and then me being miserable makes him even more miserable etc. I know he wanted a lot more from life, he's always worked hard so he could get a job he wanted and now he's stuck in a job he doesn't like and I feel really guilty about it. He always throws it in my face along with 'I pay your rent and bills' so what? Of course I appreciate it. And of course I love Grace. I don't know whether this is PND, I don't really want to talk to my health visitor about it. I'm just so tired and depressed, I just want to curl up in a ball and everyone and everything to just leave me alone