Just when I thought ok I'm moving on.

[rachjim98]

Hey everyone,
Have been doing ok until a couple of nights ago. Me and a few friends went out to dinner, we all drove separate cars. After dinner I didn't feel like going home so I went to a store called Target. Well after see 3 newborns in there all of them girls, I hit the pub to have a couple of drinks.

Was on my way home a deer ran out in front of me I swerved off the road and hit a tree head on @ very fast speed. Spent the day in hospital, same hospital were we lost our DD so that was hard. Totaled my car and now I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop (bad things come in 3's). It just seems like when things start looking up I get smacked in the face again.

Don't get me wrong I am very grateful that I didn't get hurt to badly. I broke my collar bone, burns from the airbags on my arms and just sore all over. But I just feel like I have this bad Karma around me the past half year and it wont go away!
Feel like I am so in limbo, anyone else feel like their life is just so out of control?

 

[Schmelly]

You've been through so much and you are so strong to have got this far. On top of everything you have now had a crash (I wrote my car off (totalled it)last year too, so I sympathise completely). Just take each day at a time. You are doing so well...and you are moving forward. The journey will be a case of 'two steps forward, one step back', but you will get there in the end. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to feel sad and angry when you need to. But also allow yourself to feel happy when those moments come. They will come...more and more, even if at the moment you don't believe it.

Life can be crap at times. But you WILL get there.

 

[QTPie]

Hi

I am so so sorry for your loss and for your accident

I don't think it is Karma at all: it is just something truly terrible that happened and that terrible things often have "knock on effects". If we are truly down about something, then that may lead onto other things directly (like the car accident) and it will also mean that we are truly hit a lot harder by anything else that happens to us.



You are human and you have human reactions and human emotions. Your life is in "free fall" at the moment (completely understandable) and that is when it is at it's most dangerous: because life is controlling you and not the other way around. I really hope that you find the strength to take control back again, one day at a time.

Take care of yourself

QT

 

[rachjim98]

Thanks for the kind words and the support Schmelly, I sure do need it at the moment!
I kinda feel like a big fat failure cant do anything right.. I know it will get better and it has since our loss. Just seems when I take that step backwards it is such a GIANT step back. Now I have the car issue DH is thinking I am nuts I'm sure.. Sometimes I wonder myself

 

[rachjim98]

Thanks so much QT, your words make much sense to me.. I will get through this is just seems like I have this cloud over me and I cant see the light on the other side..

 

[Schmelly]

Thanks for the kind words and the support Schmelly, I sure do need it at the moment!
I kinda feel like a big fat failure cant do anything right.. I know it will get better and it has since our loss. Just seems when I take that step backwards it is such a GIANT step back. Now I have the car issue DH is thinking I am nuts I'm sure.. Sometimes I wonder myself

You are NOT nuts, and you are NOT a failure. You have just been incredibly unlucky and have had to face some extremely traumatic life events. It is not possible to be unaffected by that. If you weren't in a fragile state after your experience then you probably wouldn't be such a great mum, and it would have meant that you hadn't 'cared' as much. You can't give yourself a hard time for caring, and for loving your baby angel. You are grieving, and sadly that is a long and painful process.

Be kind to yourself, look after yourself and stop putting any blame for the whole situation on yourself. You are coping in the only way you can, and I have a lot of respect for you.

It WILL get better. Hang in there

 

[Chilli]

Oh rachjim that's a horrible thing to happen. I'm not surprised, I've had several moments lately where I've felt like a liability in the car and avoid driving as much as possible!!!
If you do believe in karma, think of it like this: you gave you baby the best start you could have and have had a horrible time lately so it's about time your karma picked up and you were rewarded for being great, which I'm sure you will be sometime soon. You WILL be ok, but you must look after yourself. I'm sure your OH will help. Please don't feel too down, you've been such a great help to me

 

[rachjim98]

thanks guys... I think you are all so great and thanks for making me feel alittle better this morning.

 

[Peach Blossom]

Didn't want to read and run. Lots of to you hon. You've been through so much. Surely your luck will change soon. Lots of love and good vibes to you. xxx

 

[dan-o]

Ohh that's just awful. I hope you are not in too much pain

Yes I know exactly what you mean, I feel like I have something tainting my luck too, so many things have gone wrong at the mo, not just the MC.
Maybe this means we will get all our good luck in a cluster too? I hope so xx

 

[bklove]

It is difficult to move ahead, some days it feels like you just don't want to go, but time will move you on whether or not you want it to! Continue to take care of yourself, be good to yourself- write, talk, do yoga, you deserve to have that peace back in your life. And it does get better.

 

[QTPie]

Thanks so much QT, your words make much sense to me.. I will get through this is just seems like I have this cloud over me and I cant see the light on the other side..

You can do it, I know you can. Just give you self time and a LOT of kindness: don't beat yourself up, don't brand yourself as a failure and don't - in ANY way - consider anything your fault.



Sometimes very bad things happen to very good people: it isn't right and it isn't fair.

Just take your time, build your strength, acknowledge the little steps forward (in between what feel like huge steps back) and love yourself.



AND talk about it with people (including us)

QT

 

[rachjim98]

Ohh that's just awful. I hope you are not in too much pain

Yes I know exactly what you mean, I feel like I have something tainting my luck too, so many things have gone wrong at the mo, not just the MC.
Maybe this means we will get all our good luck in a cluster too? I hope so xx

I am on some nice pain killers thanks to the hospital... But when they start to wear off I feel like I got hit by a 18wheeler. Then I remember I hit a tree head on going 80kph.. DH and I are going to look at the Car this evening. The guy who works there (as well as the EMS at the accident seen) says I am lucky to be alive today.
So I will count that as the beginning of my lucky cluster.. Thanks for caring

 

[Aidedhoney]

Hello,

Honey its not Karma, i thought that for a while just as things were looking up for me i would get a kick in the face but then i realised all the bad things make us stronger, if we can cope with the things that are sent then we can cope with anything.
Try and not let it get you down, Grief is a powerful emotion that does heal with time, your angel will never be forgotton but with time it wont hurt as much. I think about my angels every day and i know that i always will.

Hope your not too sore after your accident.
xxx

 

[rachjim98]

Thanks everyone and I just wanted to tell you all that I am feeling much stronger about myself after my pity party this morning, I guess it was just such a shock as to what has happened to my life and my self esteem since our loss.

So glad I have all of you to put me back on the right track or at least heading in the right direction!

 

[dan-o]

The guy who works there (as well as the EMS at the accident seen) says I am lucky to be alive today.
:

Bloody hell rachjim!! Sounds like you have good luck at the mo then, not bad!!
Your guardian angel was certainly watching over you!

 

[Shelby2007]

I think she means to say Rebecca was watching over you

You are NOT a failure.. and you ARE wonderful..

thinking of you..

xx

pm if you need ANYTHING.. im here to talk..

 

[Schmelly]

Thanks everyone and I just wanted to tell you all that I am feeling much stronger about myself after my pity party this morning, I guess it was just such a shock as to what has happened to my life and my self esteem since our loss.

So glad I have all of you to put me back on the right track or at least heading in the right direction!

So glad you're feeling a little bit stronger now. Hang in there...you're doing an amazing job

 

[chella]

Hey everyone,
Have been doing ok until a couple of nights ago. Me and a few friends went out to dinner, we all drove separate cars. After dinner I didn't feel like going home so I went to a store called Target. Well after see 3 newborns in there all of them girls, I hit the pub to have a couple of drinks.

Was on my way home a deer ran out in front of me I swerved off the road and hit a tree head on @ very fast speed. Spent the day in hospital, same hospital were we lost our DD so that was hard. Totaled my car and now I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop (bad things come in 3's). It just seems like when things start looking up I get smacked in the face again.

Don't get me wrong I am very grateful that I didn't get hurt to badly. I broke my collar bone, burns from the airbags on my arms and just sore all over. But I just feel like I have this bad Karma around me the past half year and it wont go away!
Feel like I am so in limbo, anyone else feel like their life is just so out of control?

Hey Ya,

Just read your post , glad ur ok after the accident, i think u will feel like your doomed to bad luck as i feel that same way too right now but im hoping things get better and i hope things get better with you too; Your not nuts your just findin things hard at the mo; and thats understandable.

At the moment im finding things hard when i see all newborn things and when i go out and theres bumps, newborns babies and friends who are expecting its so hard as i want to be happy for them but i also wish that i was happy to and had my baby to look forward too aswell but i hope that changes.

Sending loadsa and wishin u all the best xxxx

 

[rachjim98]

Hey Ladies... Thanks for all the help you are all amazing people and I love you all.

Dh and I just came back from seeing the car.

I have to say this experience has given me a new outlook on life! I could honestly not be here for my LO's today, but I am and I am going to have a new attitude!

Here is just a some of the damage.