Just wondering how to carry on....

[roothy]

Hi all - havent been on here for a while but just felt I needed to put into words how I feel

We have been ttc 3 yrs. Have been on clomid for 4 months. I have only one ovary, am diabetic, have PCOS and am almost 42 yrs old..... not a good scenario!
This time last year I was in the process of miscarrying the only pregnancy in all this time we have acheived. It had taken 2 yrs to acheive that. One thing that got me through the aftermath of that was thinking - well we have got pregnant once, we can do it again. I thought - probably naively and stupidly - that it would happen quicker a second time and hoped that by now, a year on, we would be pregnant again.
But..... nothing......

We are on a break at present as I had to have some tests done - unrelated to fertility but was advised to put ttc on hold. The tests are all clear - so will be able to start ttc again soon. Right now I dont know how to start again, to allow myself to start being positive and hopeful. I keep getting this sinking feeling that the baby i mc was our only chance...... maybe it is time to stop...

Sorry if this is a bit morose. I feel this is the only place people will understand. How do we go on? How do any of you?

 

[aintlifegrand]

I had fallen into a pretty deep depression. I started doing meditation, yoga and counseling and I feel so much better. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, some days I feel like I can't take it anymore, some days are good. I'm also getting back into acupuncture, it relaxes me and is supposed to help fertility. Basically, there is no easy answer, but I recommened forcing yourself to go to counseling. I also found some support groups around me.

 

[Armywife84]

Did the break not help??

If you find yourself being in a dark place with IF, then it may be time to seek professional mental help. I found myself crying nearly everyday, lose of interest in activities I once enjoyed, insomnia, bad anxiety, etc..so I decided it was time to seek a therapist. It was nice to sit in a room and talk to a nonjudgemental person, who can validate my feelings and try to put herself in my shoes. She recommended meds, but I decided that wasn't for me. Although it's not a permanent fix, it did help.

Like the other poster said, some days you can push LTTC to the back burner and others you're feeling overwhelmed due to the IF you're facing. To be honest, I want to stop and accept the childless card but another part of me has the drive to keep on trying.

Have you given IUI, IVF a thought?

 

[Ducktales]

hi Roothy,
its good to see you back, we talked a bit after our MCs last Feb.
I am sorry you are in a bad place at the moment, I don't really know what to say - except to reassure you that it will get better, I too am in dark place at the moment and if i am honest am sinking lower each day but I am focusing on trying not to let myself feel this way and to stopping myself being obsessed with ttc and the tww or it takes over my life. It will get better and you will start to feel more positive about things I promise.
Can you get referred to a FS to get some advice?
good luck hun
xxx

 

[roothy]

Thanks ladies for your replies.
aintlifegrand / armywife84 - I have been thinking about counselling and I think that may help. I have had quite a bit of counselling in the past - before we started ttc and was about other things - but it was really helpful
I have thought about IVF / IUI - but we would have to self fund and I dont know if I could cope with the rollercoaster of it all - being in my 40s the success rate is so low. I relate to what you say though armywife - some days you feel it would be easy to just move on and other times you are overwhelmed by the need to have a baby
ducktales - hi! I do remember chatting to you. Am under a FS - hence why on the clomifene. He is really good and if I wanted to do the iui etc thing - he would refer me on. Just feel that at some point - for me anyway - I / we have to make a decision that enough is enough. I think I am low at moment as it now a year since mc. In 2 dys time it will be exactly a year since my ERPC. I still remember coming round from the GA sobbing my heart out. I worry I am getting too old now also.
Sorry ducktales you also feel so low - ttc is such a lonely place at times - you feel no one understands or often wants to understands.