AnglophileAsh
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- May 19, 2015
- Messages
- 59
- Reaction score
- 0
I hope this will be acceptable to put under WTT - if it should be moved to a different forum, please advise
And I know that any advice here is not meant to be taken as proper legal advice, I'd just like to know if anyone else has come across this type of issue in their early stages of starting a family. It's a little long, but I wanted to provide the backstory of why I'm asking - bear with me!
My OH and I got engaged last fall, at the same time we started talking about WTT - and actually, for a brief week, actually did start TTC but then decided to get other stuff in order first, like buying a bigger house. We definitely plan to get married in the near future, but we have some specific ideas about what we want, such as a summertime wedding, which we didn't plan on having in 2015 as we've spent the first half of the year working on the new house... so that's next year at the earliest. But we do know that we do NOT want to wait much longer before TTC as we are both in our early-ish 30's and would like to be done having kids by the time we are 40 or so, if at all possible. Which puts us at WTT August-ish of this year and getting married in 2016 or later (likely later if we have a newborn next summer).
One of our baby-prep things was meeting with a financial adviser to look at our current incomes and see what needed to be done before maternity leave and planning for baby costs. The adviser mentioned that if we were not going to be married we should seriously consider getting lots of legal things set up in advance, such a life insurance and wills (no problem there), but also medical directives and power of attorney and other legal documents in the event that something happens to one of us. His concern was that if something happened we would not have the legal protections afforded by marriage.
And, it's a little more complicated as my fiance is a British citizen (he has a greencard and is totally legit here in the US), but it could be an issue the adviser thinks. If something happened to me, for example, it sounds like my parents would the right to take the baby away from the father (I seriously DO NOT believe my parents would be so uncompassionate, but the point is that the law would see it that way). We don't have the money yet for a wedding, but it looks like it would be several hundred dollars for all of this legal stuff. We've discussed having a small civil ceremony now (even eloping secretly), but I really want my wedding to be the event I've been dreaming of for years and don't want to sell that dream short just because my baby-dream is more immediate.
What I'm asking is, if anyone would be able to share their experiences or concerns with having a baby prior to getting married. I know it is done all the time, but my immediate circle of friends are all married so none of them have any advice or experience. Are we overly concerned and overthinking this whole thing? Or is it worth spending so much money to have that protection in the interim before marriage legally binds us as well as the baby?
My fiance wonders if perhaps we should postpone even further WTT if this is going to be an issue, but I know he wants kiddos nearly as much as I do, so I'm trying to figure out how much to stress out about this, in addition to everything else, ha!
![Smile :) :)](/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/icon_smile.gif)
![Smile :) :)](/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/icon_smile.gif)
My OH and I got engaged last fall, at the same time we started talking about WTT - and actually, for a brief week, actually did start TTC but then decided to get other stuff in order first, like buying a bigger house. We definitely plan to get married in the near future, but we have some specific ideas about what we want, such as a summertime wedding, which we didn't plan on having in 2015 as we've spent the first half of the year working on the new house... so that's next year at the earliest. But we do know that we do NOT want to wait much longer before TTC as we are both in our early-ish 30's and would like to be done having kids by the time we are 40 or so, if at all possible. Which puts us at WTT August-ish of this year and getting married in 2016 or later (likely later if we have a newborn next summer).
One of our baby-prep things was meeting with a financial adviser to look at our current incomes and see what needed to be done before maternity leave and planning for baby costs. The adviser mentioned that if we were not going to be married we should seriously consider getting lots of legal things set up in advance, such a life insurance and wills (no problem there), but also medical directives and power of attorney and other legal documents in the event that something happens to one of us. His concern was that if something happened we would not have the legal protections afforded by marriage.
And, it's a little more complicated as my fiance is a British citizen (he has a greencard and is totally legit here in the US), but it could be an issue the adviser thinks. If something happened to me, for example, it sounds like my parents would the right to take the baby away from the father (I seriously DO NOT believe my parents would be so uncompassionate, but the point is that the law would see it that way). We don't have the money yet for a wedding, but it looks like it would be several hundred dollars for all of this legal stuff. We've discussed having a small civil ceremony now (even eloping secretly), but I really want my wedding to be the event I've been dreaming of for years and don't want to sell that dream short just because my baby-dream is more immediate.
What I'm asking is, if anyone would be able to share their experiences or concerns with having a baby prior to getting married. I know it is done all the time, but my immediate circle of friends are all married so none of them have any advice or experience. Are we overly concerned and overthinking this whole thing? Or is it worth spending so much money to have that protection in the interim before marriage legally binds us as well as the baby?
My fiance wonders if perhaps we should postpone even further WTT if this is going to be an issue, but I know he wants kiddos nearly as much as I do, so I'm trying to figure out how much to stress out about this, in addition to everything else, ha!