Kids with big age gap

[supernurse]

God, I totally forgot I started this thread.
Well, since starting it I definately feel a lot more positive about how things are gonna work out.
My DD is excited about meeting her new sister, we've even decided to have her come to the birth. I think deep down it's not how she's gonna be that I've been worried about rather than how I'm gonna be and I know that I have to try and keep the relationship that I have with her as strong as it is. I've always found it hard to contemplate having to share the 110% love and attention with another child, but now I know that it's not about having to share it but creating new love and attention for our new addition.

 

[shimmyshimmy]

Well I had 2nd just before 1st born turned 2, and I felt really sad that she would be sharing me. But in time I realised that the benefits from having a sibling far outweigh the negatives of them sharing attention. If anything it is another stage in thier learning.
I am now trying for my 3rd and I do worry that the age gap of 6-7 years depending on when I finally fall pregnant will effect my first born. She is particularly sensitive, 2nd born, well he is a typical boy and takes everything in his stride. He is very laid back.
I think it all depends on the childs personality.xxx

 

[JeansMommy]

My son is almost going to be 8 when we bring this LO home. My daughter will be almost 4-1/2 years old. I worry about the relationship in the future, especially between my son and my new daughter because it seems like such a huge gap. My DH and his brother have a 9-year gap, and their relationship (though pleasant) is more of a father/son type of relationship where they only really talk when his brother needs advice.

 

[spoo]

Hi there, I know exactly what you mean. My son is 7 now and we are trying now for baby #2. We've always wanted another baby but have delayed it for various reasons, mainly money and health.

My main concern is will I be able to share the love properly? Our son has had our undivided attention since he was born and although not spoilt, hasn't needed to want for anything. I'm not worried about how he'll react to a sibling, I know he'll adore him / her. Hes already suggesting names!

My mum once told me that you will still love your firstborn but the amount of love increases. I don't think its possible to experience this until it actually happens!

So fingers crossed xxxx

 

[enigma]

Its true, your love for one child doesent drop because you have another, you develope more love so you have more to give.
The best way to go about it is, when you do get pregnant, involve him in it as much as you can, take him to the scans, tell him everything you are experienceing (with a few execptions of course), let him feel the baby moving around inside you, then just carry this on when baby arrives, let him help with the nappys changes and bathing, he will love being given these jobs to do to help you with his his little bro/sis.

 

[kdrah132]

When My wife and I had Alyssa, our older daughter was at first happy, but became very jealous of her new sister. She was so used to getting all of the attention and she really did not know what to do. We tried to include her in so many things but still felt she was not the centre of attention.

 

[enigma]

I had a similar problem with my eldest boy when i had my youngest, he wouldent look at him in the hospital and when we came home he played up for weeks.
He used to pick on the baby, but one day after a bad night, i nodded off on the couch leaving the kids watching tv, i woke up not long after though to the baby crying, when i opened my eyes the baby looked like a snowman, my elder son had coverd him from top to toe in washing powder.
I of course flipped at him for doing it and he spent the day in bed, while i took the baby to hospital, luckly he was fine, just needed his eyes cleaning and checking.
A couple of days later the baby was fine, but my other son seemed to see things from a different point of view, he was very worried about his brother.
They have been best mates since.

A bit of topic, but you post reminded me.

 

[Djm]

I have 3 daughters. The eldest is 19, then 13 and 10. The most difficulty we had was with the eldest because her world changed and she was no longer the center of everything. The younger two idolize her since she is older and cooler. I've always said if I could do it again I'd have them closer. Now having said that I have found myself in the position of being pregnant with our son. He is due in September. They are excited but it shall prove to be interesting.

 

[spoo]

Thanks for your interesting responses - our son says hes excited and can't wait to help out but at the same time hes used to being the centre of attention as an only child.

I think only time will tell how he will react to a baby brother or sister. Maybe involving him during the pregnancy will help. He already has 3 younger cousins, whom he adores and will do anything for, so maybe thats already a good sign!

 

[ls27]

.

 

[Younglutonmum]

I was 11 when my mum had my little brother & it was great!! I was old enough to really help out especially as his dad pissed off & my mum had Post Natel Depression for a very very long time.

I'm 20 years old now & Lewis is 9. We have a great relationship, I totally adore him & hope he adores me!! I spend alot of time with him & we always have fun. It's nice being able to help my mum with his childcare as well. She works nights currently but is hoping to switch to days soon & i'll be caring for him during school holidays as i'll be off from college!!

I love our age gap

 

[HeidiPie]

Hi !

Just joined to answer your post - My first daughter is seven now and I was a single parent for most of it, we were very close. With a new partner we now have a baby of three months.

It was hard because you have loved that one little girl so much for so long and I almost feel guilty loving the new one as much! And of course all the sleepless nights take there toll and it ends up you have less time for the older one. And baby gets all the attention when your out and about......

But on the bright side - of course they LOVE having a new baby and seeing all the things they do, she wouldn't change it for the world and even when I try to arrange some one on one time for me and the eldest she always begs that the baby comes along. Or I think Ill pick her up on my own so we can chat and she'll beg the baby comes too.

Now the baby sleeps better in the evening from 7pm it gives me that window of time to just relax a little (not always with so much to do) before bed to read etc. Tonight she seemed really tense so I gave a a back massage with lavendar and it was a really special time just to remember to nurture her too and show my love is still there.

Its not easy but of course 100% worth it - xx

 

[puddingqueen]

My daughter is 16 in two days, our new baby is due 2nd August.

16 year age gap for mine.

x

 

[NotSoWorried]

There's 10years and 7months between me and my oldest brother.

I hate it! I find it awkward to talk to him because I'm short for words what to say. He started staying out all the time like a normal 16-17-18year old would, so grown up without him around.

I prefer the 4years 11months difference between me and the other brother

 

[DonnaE26]

Hi i have a daughter who is 11 and im expecting my 4th she was pleased when we told her and she is really good with her other sister and brother (well when they aren't arguing of course) lol

 

[leeanne]

This was an old post from January 2008. She's had her baby already

 

[tasha41]

My boyfriend is wow.. 9 years older than his youngest brother!! They get along well enough, obviously a bit of fighting, but being so far apart in age they really haven't got THAT much to fight about, only when my boyfriend gets upset with his brother for being immature/silly and being 12 sometimes.

 

[Michelle100]

My daughter Sam is 14 and Benjamin is 6 weeks. I was horribly worried that Sam would be distant and a tad jealous because Sam is adopted and Benjamin is biological. I tried to include her in every preparation, like nursery decorating, asking her opinion on diiferent things we purchased and spending extra time with her once Benjamin came, which was difficult at times because we all know how much time an infant takes up in our daily routines. Ben is 6 weeks and sam adores him, but she is a quite kid anyway and you never know what goes on in that head of hers. We just do as much as we can and hope for the best.

 

[starting over]

My son is going to be 13 in a couple of weeks and my second child is due about early November! Now your gap doesn't seem so big does it? LOL!
Its funny, my oldest keeps sharing numeric facts such as "Mommy, when Im 20 the baby will be 7"!
But when I look at it, I kind of like that my children will have such individual attention according to the different developmental stages they face and the type of maternal support they will need from me. Good luck!!!

 

[lovingmum]

My son is 12 years old and my other is 4 years old and they love each other so much and my 12 year old has so much time for my little one its so nice to see .