Last name dilemma! D:

[LavaPanda]

Hey there!

So finding first names with my partner wasn't much of an issue as he pretty much went with what I liked as long as he had a say on middle names. Sorted. And we've settled on:

Adelaide Marie . . .
and
Oliver Simon-James. . .

But we're having a massive hooha over last names, as we're not married.
My last names Connor and his is Curran.
Anyway, considering, we've not actually been together that long and marriage is no way in the near future, I believe the baby should have my name. Purely for practicality reasons and the fact, who knows if we'll be together in the future- stuff happens!
Yet he believes the baby should have his last name as he's not seeing any issue with it. He's not even compromising with the fact if we DO get married, we'll simply change it. But that's not good enough.

People have been telling me to double barrel it, but both Connor-Curran and Curran-Connor sound DREADFUL- Especially with Oliver Simon-James Connor-Curran! So that's in no way an option.

So girlies who aren't married, what are you doing and am I being selfish?? D:
Thanks
Chaz

 

[xjesx]

his last name. I am a traditionalist. With that said I am not looking down on babies out of wedlock. I am just sticking with the ideal that the child is to be given the father's last name.

 

[MummyMana]

Imogen has my partner's surname, I just saw it as the "done thing"... Even if in the future something awful happens (highly unlikely) and we stop being a couple she's not gonna stop being his daughter after all...

 

[Bartness]

Jaxon has his dads last name. ..wasn't even a discussion.

 

[Princess Lou]

Every couple I know who aren't married have given the child the fathers last name. If we weren't married, our baby would be also receiving fathers surname, not mine.

If baby turns out to be a buy, could you not give him your last name as a middle name and his last name as the surname?

Maybe the reason he wants his name to be used is, as you say, who knows what happens in the future and his child having the same surname as him might be giving him the added security. Everyone will know your the mum but if you two split, you find someone else and baby his your name, how will people you meet 'know' the baby is your partners? It may sound stupid but not all fears are rationale. What happens if baby takes your name, you two split and you marry someone else taking their name? You, daddy and baby all have different names and if baby is still young, baby may find it hard to feel attached to either parent due to differing names.

There are lots of factors to consider but ultimately, it can only be a decision the two of you make. Best of luck.

 

[Warby]

If it was me, I would give the baby my last name. Perhaps his surname as a second middle name.

 

[JJKCB]

I personally dislike double barreled surnames

unless you 100% a single mam (i.e the dad has never nor will ever be there for whatever reason) then I would go with the fathers name personally

although im mildly annoyed that I automatically gave my son his dads name as a good will gesture (it was never discussed just a given) and now he think there's no point in getting married (but says he would of if LO had my surname )

 

[MummyMana]

I personally dislike double barreled surnames

unless you 100% a single mam (i.e the dad has never nor will ever be there for whatever reason) then I would go with the fathers name personally

although im mildly annoyed that I automatically gave my son his dads name as a good will gesture (it was never discussed just a given) and now he think there's no point in getting married (but says he would of if LO had my surname )

Have you pointed out to him that your the only member of the family with a different surname? Mentioned that to my OH the other day as a kind of hint :L

 

[JJKCB]

I personally dislike double barreled surnames

unless you 100% a single mam (i.e the dad has never nor will ever be there for whatever reason) then I would go with the fathers name personally

although im mildly annoyed that I automatically gave my son his dads name as a good will gesture (it was never discussed just a given) and now he think there's no point in getting married (but says he would of if LO had my surname )

Have you pointed out to him that your the only member of the family with a different surname? Mentioned that to my OH the other day as a kind of hint :L

yep, he doesn't care and im so past hints lol... ive even blatantly pointed out the ring I want etc... im at the point of ultimatums now

 

[teal]

I wouldn't want a difference name from my child.

 

[wishuwerehere]

I am not with my daughters father and wasn't before she was born. We gave her my surname and now she has my married surname. This is due to our personal circumstance though - he lives 3 hours away and i will be the one taking her to school, the doctor etc, so i think it's appropriate we have the same name. Plus my names (maiden and married) are very long so double barrelling would've just been stupid.
However, i can understand him being upset as the two of you are together - is this literally a 'just in case' thing? If that's all it is i'd go for his surname.

 

[danni1989]

me personally i just believe that you do whats in your heart at the end of the day at the end of labor the doctors and nurses are going to ask you what you want the name to be not him...so do what you think is best...you might even change your mind once you meet the baby...me personally i believe i'm going to give my baby the dads last name...just feels like the right thing to do and i know he would like baby with his name

 

[kailynn]

It was never even a discussion when it came to us. I'm very traditional and think a child should carry his/her father's surname, with the exception on the men that refuse to be a part of the child's life then they lose the privelege. With that said it will be MaKinley Aurora Comstock or Brantley Michael Comstock. No questions asked. Even though I keep trying to talk Mark into moving the marriage up so I can be a Comstock sooner, I feel left out

I'm not a fan of hyphenated last names, but it is based on opinion.

 

[amytrisha]

I agree 100% with the above post ^

I don't like double barrelled names, especially when they don't go together well. If it was me I'd give baby OHs surname, but that is completely up to you!

I hope you come to a compromise soon x

 

[pippi_89]

My children have dad's last name but we have always planned to get married so it's a bit different. Personally I think Connor-Curran sounds ok but i know what you mean with the Simon-James thing.

What about using his last name but using Connor as a middle name?

Oliver Connor Curran

It's a compromise

 

[onetwothreebp]

If I wasn't married, my son would absolutely have my name. Screw tradition, I will be his primary caretaker and if the dad wanted to marry me, then we would take his name.

I know a woman, her and her boyfriend have 2 children together and both children have her last name. When they're married, they will all change their names.

It wouldn't even be a question to me.

 

[Caitie44]

I have a hyphenated surname, and I hate it. I understand my parents' reasoning, but it's incredibly frustrating having to explain that no, my middle name isn't Allen, my full last name is Allen-King. Plus now when I go in to doctors and fill out my paperwork, none of their computers can even register my full name.

Personally, I'll be giving my daughter her father's surname - however, we fully plan on marriage in the near future. I would say to wait, if I were you. Think it over a bit longer, discuss it with your partner a bit more, etc etc. It might be a little frustrating not having something so important set in stone, but when the time comes I'm sure you'll know what to do.

Good luck with the decision, hun.

 

[girlnboots]

My OH earns the privilege of our daughter having his last name every day. He's a good person and I know without a doubt in my heart that he will always take care of her, even if we split. Like a pp said, everyone will know she's mine, but he's earned his way to "claim" her. We were only together a few months before we got pregnant, but I couldn't imagine anyone else taking care of us the way he has the past 8 months.

If anything drastic happens and he stops being the wonderful father he already is, I can always change the name, but I doubt that will be an issue.

 

[JJKCB]

people are saying the mothers last name because it her child and their not married

im not neither is my mum to her boyfriend both my son and my little brother have their dads names and my OH and her OH have been there everyday as dad - my mum was married to my dad and he f**ked off when I was little and I never saw him (sorry for the bad language lol) everyone is acting like marriage makes a huge difference to parental ability and it makes non what so ever

look at it from the side of a man, you didn't carry the baby or feel it - you often dont get a say in weather the mother does anything regarding that as its her body, then you get you son daughter but they dont have your name as if they're still not yours... way to make a father unconnected from his child

also ironically most the babies I know with the mother surname are do not have good contact with the father, obviously there are family with the dads name that break up to but just off the top of my head I cant think of a single one where the child has the mums name and they have stuck together - its pretty much like saying you expect this not to work so why bother trying

 

[xjesx]

Marriage makes no difference, I agree.

I am married and I do not have my husbands last name...yet, but my kids will.

My eldest nephew has his mothers last name because the father is a deadbeat...my younger (biological nephew) has his dad's (my brother) last name. My brother and his partner/wife are not married.




In the end...no matter the different opinions on here...you are going to do what fits for you.