Last name dilemma! D:

[LavaPanda]

Thanks guys, really put things into perspective and some things I hadn't thought of. We have a while to go, so there's plenty of time to decide.
Cheers

 

[Varenne]

His. You want to make fathers feel as bonded and related to their babies as possible. He doesn't get all that super-close womb time like you do, and he'll likely get less time out of the womb, too. We give fathers' names for a reason. Even if you two split in the future, he will still be one of the two most important people in the baby's life.

 

[JaeSung]

I'm going with giving the dad's last name, too.

 

[wannabemomy37]

I would say the dad's; although I do see the dilemma. If my OH and I had a baby right now though I'm pretty sure I'd go with his last name. Although I would also be planning on marrying him too, so that's different.

I agree that if you give the baby your last name it's telling your OH that you are not counting on your relationship working and he would soon drift away etc.

Also I'm not sure if there's any Child Support "rules" but I'd also look into that as a possibility SHOULD anything happen...I'm pretty sure though as long as he signs the birth certificate that wouldn't be a problem, but it would also look much better if baby had his name, IMO.

 

[pinklightbulb]

I gave my sons their father's surname and will again with the next one.

 

[Lara310809]

I'm traditional too and I think a baby should take the fathers surname. It's just the way it is I suppose; admittedly I don't really have any other reasons for thinking that. I'm not normally traditional, but about this I have always been.

Remember that it costs money to change names in the future, so changing his or her name if you marry in the future when it could have that surname from the beginning seems a little futile in my mind. But it's your baby; you have to make the decision together. I would still go with double barrelling, but I see what you mean about the boys name being long that way

Perhaps you could come to another agreement, for example, if you can't decide either way. If its a boy he takes your partners surname, and if its a girl she takes your surname. That way it's fair

 

[horseypants]

The baby should always have the woman's last name and by the way the men should be taking our last names when we get married too.

 

[itsnowmyturn]

Well hospitals give it the mothers surname automatically for practical reasons so from that point u can c why, my niece n nephews have my brothers surnames n they rnt married however some of my friends gave the kids their surname one isn't with the dad but the other is. I think double barrel is a bit silly however in my family my kids will be the only ones with a diff surname as I'm the only female n I'm not sure how I feel about that, will my kids feel left out that all the other family at grandmas r one surname n they r diff?? I believe it shud be the dads surname but only if u plan on getting married some day, however when u think about how this so called tradition came about is cos parents were married so both had same name I.e. the dads as woman took his name so no question, therefore u cud question if the kid was given dads name or was given the same name as mum which happened to be dads.....food for thought there

 

[Pers]

I wasn't married when I got pregnant the first time and had zero intentions of getting married (my choice,not his) but fully intended to give baby his last name. For me, there are a couple of reasons, tradition plays a big role as where I live babies take the father's last name. Part of that is simply tradition but I do believe part of it is about the father "claiming" baby as his and I feel that is important. I feel it helps the father feel connected to baby and also helps baby feel that connection later in life.

With my second pregnancy we were actually planning to get married (before finding out I was pregnant) and at the time I had every intention of keeping my maiden name (no hyphen for me!) I still planned for baby to take his name even though I wouldn't though.

Once we got married I did take his name. I wasn't pregnant any longer (previous pregnancies both ended in mc). Really I took his name because it meant so much to him. Just as giving baby his name is a "claim" of sorts, so it was with me I think. My reasons for not taking his name were primarily convenience and personal preference as I liked my name better! Really though, it just meant so much more to him that I change it than it did to me to keep my name. I can't tell you how excited he was when we went to have my license, social security and bank info switched! He was so over the moon it was comical lol

Ultimately it comes down to what works for the two of you but I do think it's unfair for you to be making the decision alone as you didn't make the baby alone . It would be one thing if the father didn't want any thing to do with baby but that doesn't sound like the case.

 

[itsnowmyturn]

There is a saying....mummies babies daddies maybes......there is never any doubt who the mother is but fathers like that bit of attachment

 

[xkatiex]

if we weren't married, our baby would have my last name. then if we got married after its just change the babies name, if we split up I'd just feel better that she had my last name, bc what if he just splits and wants nothing to do with you or the baby. most men w would be pissed if you didn't give their last name, but they aren't thinking about the future

 

[Pers]

if we weren't married, our baby would have my last name. then if we got married after its just change the babies name, if we split up I'd just feel better that she had my last name, bc what if he just splits and wants nothing to do with you or the baby. most men w would be pissed if you didn't give their last name, but they aren't thinking about the future

Our he is thinking about the future and because he doesn't want anything to do with the mother but still wants to be involved with baby would like to have the connection of his child sharing his name. Obviously every situation is different and I know there are men who act that way, but as a woman who was raised by her father, I also know there are women who act that way.

Just curious, but would those of you who would give (or change) to FOB's name if you were married but not if you were just dating, would you change your child's name if you got divorced?