Leaving career to be a SAHM

[Plex]

Firstly hats off to all those that are already SAHM's

I am currently working full time on nights whilst hubby works days, my lb goes to nursery 3 days a week and ever since he's had his diagnosis of ASD i have been considering stopping work completely to be a SAHM.

Problem is I dont know if im cut of for it I feel like im taking my husband for a ride and the benefits system just all round feeling guilty for wanting to give up my job (please note that I DO NOT think of anyone else like this, i just have a lot going on in my head right now xx) I really dont know if it will be the right thing to do.

My son needs extra help in most areas and i feel by working im not 'there' for him at a time when he needs me. However i really do love the independence working brings, most importantly my car

Anyways im rambling lol

Question - How have the SAHM's with children with special needs come to the decision to not go back to work/leave work?

Also how do you find being the homemaker/main carer?

I worry that i'll be lonely and have to be dependant financially. I also fear that I wont be able to help my son the way he needs right now - scared of being a failure

Any comments are appreciated x

 

[EElse]

Hi Plex!

First of all, to you!!

I can't relate any personal experience as we're still TTC #1 but my sister has two sons, the oldest is 10 and has special needs and the youngest is 6 and 100% healthy.

She commented on how hard it was not to receive her own income and being dependent on her DH to provide for her and the kids. About 2 years ago she started helping out at a small school for children with special needs and her son started going there as well. She did not receive a salary but they did not have to pay school fees for their child which was a huge load off - schools for children with special needs are so much more expensive than other schools.

At the moment he doesn't go to school every day because he was in and out of hospital a lot last year and acting out because of it and she went back to being a SAHM. They go to school twice a week now.

So for her, being a SAHM became a necessity but she tries to make the most of it. Offering ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) lessons, music lessons (she plays piano and recorder) and anything else that can benefit children but also help her feel more independent.

Like I said, can't give any personal opinions but just looking at my sister, I feel that being a SAHM does not really mean the end of independence.

I take my hat off for her and her husband, and every parent of a child with special needs.

Good luck to you!!

 

[krissie328]

I am not suited for being a sahm. I have also had a lot of Guilt and feel like I have put my career first. But I have come to accept I have done what is right for me and my family.

Have you considered part time work? That is something I thought would be a good compromise.

 

[alibaba24]

I find it difficult not working even as a single parent. for me though I am actively looking to go back to work . I don't feel bad about being a sahm at present though as I am working hard raising my kids and I have always worked previously . I am giving my oldest lots of new experiences before she starts school to help with her social skills. dont worry about helping your child nobody is expecting you to be a teacher but just do what you can for him be proactive. at the end of the day you are putting your son first and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I want to go back to work as my oldest is in preschool 5 days and my youngest could do with getting used to being away from me for periods of time so I am hoping to get her into nursery .x

 

[Reid]

Before I had my son I worked full time as management in retail I liked my job but I knew when we started planning for our baby that I wouldn't go back to the management position and that I'd go part time. As management my days would change all the time and I'd be out the house at 7 am and back home about the same 5 days a week plus there was alot of extra stress evolved in the job.
I was lucky I was able to take the step down and I went to 16 hours (2 full days) so that I can spend most of my time at home but still earn enough to pay some bills etc it's the best decision I ever made.
My son's just been put forward to be assessed for asd and the thought of giving up work has came into my mind when and if he's diagnosis is when I'll make the decision on what I thinks best for him.
I think it's a very personal choice to suit you and your family but I'd suggest trying part time and see how that fits into your life I feel with doing my 2 days I have the best of both words 😊xx

 

[mummy2o]

I'm a SAHM more or less after I got pregnant with my son who's 7 with autism. So it kinda just fell into place for me. I don't miss going to work and having a career, I do miss the money at times though, but we've never gone without. It's like anything you don't know until you try it and if its not for you then you can always go back to your career later.

When my son was younger he went to playgroup in the morning every day and as the government funded this, I used this time to tidy and get things I needed to do done. In the afternoon we did various activities including music and swimming groups, as well as just a walk, trip on the bus, see nanny etc. So its really like a never ending weekend really. Has it always been great. No as we've had bad days were we've done nothing as he was having the biggest tantrum over whatever was wrong (he had no language so couldn't tell me) and we'd just have to work it out. Has he tried my patience, one to many times, but then all kids do this regardless if parents work or not (maybe not the tantrums but you get the idea) But there have been some great things we've done which we'd have missed if I was at work.

 

[Starry Night]

I'm a SAHM and I love it but I still feel a bit like a moocher at times. I have to remind myself it's not who does what, but that dh and I are working together for the same goal.

I love the quiet life and don't need a lot of adult interaction but it's nice to have some outlets. For me it's a young mom's sunday school class at church once a week.

 

[Misstrouble19]

ive been a stay at home mum since april last year and i have to say its the best thing i've ever done.. he has come on so much in almost a year plus he goes to nursery. i will be looking at going to college/work in september as he's my only one

 

[Tor]

I'm a SAHM, I would like to have a part time job but the decision is out of my hands as my little boy attends special needs nursery and only a few hours at mainstream and requires 1-1 carer so I wouldn't be able to go to work as no one would be able to have him.

I'm not sure I would give up work in your situation as he only goes to nursery 3 days a week and at 3.5yrs most children have nursery for that amount of time and he will start school soon so it wont matter then, if you would prefer to be a SAHM then go for it but it doesn't sound like you want to more that you feel you should.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Tbh, (this is my honest opinion and no offence to anyones situation).
I would not have been able to give my sons education and needs as much time and attention if I was working full time. I have currently started part time but now my son is more settled. However few years ago I gave every inch of me preparing for his statement and getting him what he deserved. Was ablw to spend time on the morning and afternoon handover x peoplw think tbey are at school all day so wont need you but I think SEN school children need more of you at this stage.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Forgot to say some mornings he will just meltdown. This was ok when he was 5/6 but no way can I force a 10yr old into school sp on these days he goes late or stays home. I dont really have any other choice. I dont want to imagine if I had to be at work!

 

[Plex]

Thank you for your replies

Im still undecided, which annoys me. My husband will give me an allowance to stay at home which is good. I will miss my car but then i suppose ill get healthier walking everywhere lol

Got a couple of months to think about it, think ill decide when i get his school placement through, some schools are far away so would need the car if he got in in one of those places, its crap that that would be a deciding factor. He cant walk long distances, well he refuses, and cant take him in his pushchair (dont think - dont want him to get teased) I HATE making decisions, can you tell? lol x