Letting Go.

[Elli21]

A little background.

My eldest is 11.
She goes to big school in September.

On the night before my daughters birthday I was sat in my room, thinking about how things have changed or how things will change.
I remember clearly being her age, which sometimes doesn't help matters
Whenever it was bought up in topic about how she was going to big school I would cry. Not uncontrollably or sobbing, just welled up with a few tears and my heart did little leaps.
Fast forward to the day her uniform turned up, and she tried it on. Well...
Leigha is super excited about moving up to her new school, her confidence is high, shes a kind loving little thing and her excitement is kind of contagious.
So my thoughts changed, instead of dreading this, lets embrace it and make everything as safe as possible.
She wants to go out with friends, so my mum gave her, her old mobile and I topped it up. I set out rules, gave her the whole stranger, staying safe talk for the hundredth time.
And the other day, she did it, she went up town with a friend, for two hours. She text me everytime she changed area she was in (park,town etc) and she was home on time.
But I felt SICK. Anxious to the bottom of my being.
Is that normal?

A lot of people tell me ive done well to keep her home for so long, but to be honest a lot of her friends are the same, where they have only just started to go out this summer holidays.

Any tips to make the time she is out more relaxed for me? Or is it something that will get easier in time?

I just don't know when she grew up so much, all I did was blink.

 

[sabby52]

My eldest is 18, he didnt start leaving our area until he was 12-13 years old, he wasnt allowed to go into town with friends until he was 14 but we live in Belfast and the town is a big place, one thing I will tell you the anxious feeling never goes away my son will be 19 in 6 months time and if he is out with friends I cant relax until he comes home, I lie in bed awake waiting to hear his key in the door when he goes out in the car I feel sick until he comes home, he has only been driving a month and I still panic about him being out.

My youngest son will be 9 in October and he is allowed to go into the next 2 streets to play with friends but I am only comfortable and relaxed when I can see him in our street.

I am sorry I dont have any tips or advice on how to enjoy your time when she is out, I hope someone else can help as I could do with some myself

Its scary how quickly they grow it only feels like yesterday I was holding a newborn and now one of them is almost 19 and one is almost 9

 

[lau86]

I don't know as mine are little but from the other side of it I still remember my first shopping trip with my friends, and how grown up I felt. I think that sick anxious feeling is normal as a parent, I imagine it will get less as she proves she can do it and it becomes more normal. Your instinct is to keep them with you but you're putting her first giving her the chance to become more Independent.

 

[SarahBear]

I'm not there yet, but before I let my kids go places alone, I plan to have them take self-defense classes.

 

[Torz]

I can't tell you how it feels from the parenting side as my two are only 6 & 4. I let them out to play on our front but I am always in & out because I'm uneasy about them being out there but I know it's time to start letting my eldest have just a little more than the back yard to play in.

From the perspective of being an 11 year old girl, it seems like just yesterday but also a lifetime ago. I was 11 back in 1995, I went to a secondary school two bus rides away across a major city, it was at least a 70 minute trip to the other side of Sheffield. My mum & dad basically had to trust us because they had nothing else. These days in the digital age kids have mobile phones, there are gps watches, tracking apps etc. You could actually keep a very close eye on your child from home if you wanted too, not that I think that's it's a good idea mind.

You obviously have a sensible daughter, she has done as you have asked, texting you when she has moved area etc. Take comfort in that, you have obviously raised her well. I can understand how nerve racking it must be letting them off for the first time but it will get easier as she proves herself & builds the trust between you.

Also try to keep in mind that the world is no more a dangerous place than it was when we were kids. We are living in a world now where everything is recorded & the media sensationalise everything.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I cried before my eldest started secondary but honestly? Nothings changed really. He has horrendous attitude lol but he is youngest in year (11, not 12 till august) and he is not allowed into town yet, only the shop or park.

 

[Elli21]

Thankyou everyone
Sometimes, its nice to know that's you are not over reacting to a situation and all you need to know is actually its quite normal to feel this way, so you have all put my mind at rest.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Definitely normals x