Little of topic, but struggling with emotions after a heck of a couple of days.

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Gnomer, Jun 7, 2011.

  1. Gnomer

    Gnomer Expecting number 2!

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    I'm going to fill you all in on a bit of background, so be warned, this is long.

    I'm currently living with my parents. We have a 3 bedroom house, and I have a younger brother and a younger sister. My brother suffers with ADHD, although he is 19 now and has it under control for the most part.

    Now my younger sister, (whom i share a room with) has severe OCD. She is 12 years old, and it became noticeable and was diagnosed when she was in year 3 at school, so around 7-8 years old. She was at a psychiatrist but it really didn't work, and we have noticed a steady decline in her condition.

    her OCD currently involves her touching things, not neatening them or cleaning, but just HAVING to touch things. She pushes things off shelves, kicks things, touches everything in the bathroom, the toilet, the sink, the cabinet, the window sill, the bath, EVERYTHING. She also kicks things as she moves through the house. Knocks the shoes of the shoe shelf thing everytime she passes it.
    She also destroys things. Hides things. She takes my clothes and my shoes, puts them in the bath so they are soaked, then hides them behind my wardrobe. Many times I have found things hidden for so long, they are full of mold and ruined. Hundreds of pounds worth of my belongings have been ruined beyond repair.

    Now as you can imagine, this is VERY stressful. Especially since I have found I am pregnant. When i fell pregnant, I was in a position to move and get a house with my OH. But, things have gone pair shaped and at the minute we are struggling more than we ever could have imagined with money. I was self employed, but it went tits up and I just wasn't earning enough to be able to justify working. OH is a plasterer, and took on a VERY large job, where the clients refused to pay. So he ended up losing everything to funding this job.

    Now don't get me wrong, my tolerance for my sisters behaviour is unbelievable. But at times, I just explode and cannot help myself. Its generally after a build up. Recently she has become more aggressive, nearly sending me backwards down the stairs when I got in her way whilst she was touching stuff on the landing. A quick shove, but strong enough for me to lose my balance.

    Yesterday she was at another psychologist. This time the session was very intense, and my sister explained she felt suicidal, and pinches herself and pulls her own hair if she cannot do these things. She also doesn't believe she would be able to stop herself hurting someone if they got in her way, or if she was very frustrated. Her self confidence is none existent. My parents thought this was everything, and as worrying as it was, they where on the right track and had caught her just before the fall.

    However, today, her high school rang and informed my father that they had seen lots of small cuts under her elbow. And after being confronted, she has admitted to the teacher that she did them with a razor blade.

    As you can imagine, this is a LOT to take in. On one side I feel so sorry for my little sister. Just 12 years old and coping with all this. But at the same time, I am resenting her. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I cannot continue living here, but I do not have anywhere else to go. Well not yet. Me and OH are thinking we should have enough to private rent in the next couple of month.
    I don't know if I can last another couple of months! I'm having to try so hard to continue to be a support, even though my own life has become more stressful than i can cope with. I have to continue to let her destroy everything I own. My emotions are all over the show, and I'm finding it just so hard.

    I am starting to hate myself. How can I be feeling so much anger towards someone who has very clear, serious issues. Someone who needs the help and continuing support of her family.
    I've always thought I was a kind, patient person. I always tried my utmost to help my brother growing up, and my sister up until 6 months ago.
    But now, now I feel incredibly selfish. I feel so stupid for letting myself get into this situation. I feel like an immature dickhead that went about rushing to get pregnant, with no future or plans or security.
    I thought I had it all great. I thought we'd have a house, a proper family home, and we'd be happy and settled and excited. But instead, I'm a big ball of emotion.

    I don't really know the point in this thread. Mainly to vent, i think. I have no one in real life I can disclose this too. I've always been a bottler, but I needed to get this out.

    I apologize for it being so long, and not really having a point.
     
  2. Broody1976

    Broody1976 Well-Known Member

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    Crikey hun, can't imagine how it all must feel for you.

    Hope you get it sorted soon and I'm sorry I don't have any real helpful advice :hugs:
     
  3. LaraJJ

    LaraJJ Mummy to Tessa & bump!

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    Oh sweetie, I really think you need to give yourself a break. You are living in an incredibly difficult and draining situation. It must be awful to see your sister like that, and in sharing a room with her you never have your own space.

    You are definately not a bad person, and after all - you now have a new little person to think about. My concern would be your safety, and that of the baby too - now and once it is born. I know that your sister is ill and can't help her actions, but realistically you need to try and improve this situation for you and bubs.

    Have you spoken to your parents about your concerns? I'm sure you feel like you don't want to burden them further, but you are their child too and I'm sure would want to support you as much as they can. Perhaps you can come up with something together. Where does your OH live? Could you move in with him? Even if it is not ideal, at least you would be somewhere safe for you all.

    Sending lots of hugs hun, I hope things really do start to look up for you :)
     
  4. fi79

    fi79 Mummy to Sophie

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    I don't have much advice to give as I've never been in a similar situation. Just wanted to say - don't feel guilty or like a bad person. I think you have dealt with the situation amazingly and it's not surprising that your patience is now becoming thin...different instincts will be taking over now that you're becoming a mum.

    As for "rushing into getting pregnant" - forget about it. Your OH could not have known his clients wouldn't pay and if they had things would have been different. Things don't always work out the way we hope but you sound strong enough to find a way to deal with things. The three of you will be fine.

    As LaraJJ said is your OH's place an option or maybe contacting the council to see if you're eligible to get your name on a housing list?

    I hope you're sister starts to improve and find some peace within herself.
     
  5. Gnomer

    Gnomer Expecting number 2!

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    Thank you ladies. I suppose I just needed to get this out of my system.

    I've spoken to my parents, but basically my mum said she'll try her best to keep Olivia out of my hair, but she can't promise anything.

    OH is in with his parents too. After that job when so wrong, he couldn't afford his studio apartment. I really hate being a burden. I just wouldn't feel at all comfortable living with them. And I'm not too sure they want me there to be honest. His parents very much hate to be put upon. And I hate to put upon.

    I suppose after a few days to get over this shock, I'll feel more erm, able to cope. I just hope the months fly so I can actually move out and support without having all the pressure!
     
  6. keeks1987

    keeks1987 Due baby2 in April

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    /\ /\ wss.

    My little sister has OCD and is anorexic. So i can empathise with what you are going through. You shouldn't feel bad. At the end of the day, your baby and OH are your family and are more important than anything else.

    It was my mom who told me that about me, so it's the same for you

    hugs x
     
  7. LaraJJ

    LaraJJ Mummy to Tessa & bump!

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    Sorry to hear that you and OH feel stuck.

    Are you close to any family members - aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents that would be happy with you staying?!

    Xxx
     
  8. Maman

    Maman Guest

    youre an angel. problem or no problem id have been chucking all her favourite stuff in the bath a long time ago just so she knew how it felt... but i have no patience.

    what about contacting your local surestart centre and having a chat with the family worker there who could possibly help you find a place to stay even if just until you have saved a deposit? she may be able to help you get info on council loans that can help with deposits. Even just a physical face to have a moan at, theyre really supportive and have a wealth of knowledge.

    its understandable that you are feeling the way you do x
     
  9. Sarah24

    Sarah24 Mummy to Finley

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    That's a massive drama to deal with, don't beat yourself up. You're dealing with it a lot better than I would certainly!!

    Can you rent a room on your own till you're back on your feet? I did that this year and it saved me a lot and kept my sanity.

    All the best hun, stay strong xxx
     
  10. Gnomer

    Gnomer Expecting number 2!

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    I'm going to look into renting a room. I'm also going to talk to my midwife about it when I see her next week. See if she can offer advice.

    There's a surestart center near me, can I just walk in and ask to speak to someone? I've never had to deal with anything like this before.

    And thank you, but honestly, I'm so used to having to cope with trouble siblings, its just something I SHOULD be able to cope with. I've never known anything different! I just hate this sudden resentment I'm feeling. Maybe it is because I'm thinking of my LO, and the danger this house is posing.
     

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