LO disappointed in Gender of new baby?

[Zeri]

I know this probably belongs more on the Gender Disappointment board, but since there's no more traffic here...I wanted to ask those with little ones already, how the LO's reacted to news of the baby's gender?

My DD has been wanting a sister, and was a bit disappointed on hearing she was going to have a brother, but it seemed like she was adjusting okay. However, yesterday she said out of the blue, "I don't understand why you don't have a girl baby in your belly". So I had to explain to her that it wasn't up to me, but that God made this baby a boy baby etc. etc. That was followed by more questions like, "didn't you ask God for a girl baby?" etc etc,...so we talked about it for a while, and then I ended up telling her, "maybe you'll like having a baby brother too." I've been talking about the new baby with her a lot, to help prepare her and help her feel positive about the whole idea of having a sibling (brother).

I know she's still adjusting to the news and I'm sure she'll be fine, but part of me felt a little sad (maybe because DH and I also had a preference for another girl). I know she would've been so happy to have a little sister to do 'girly things' with. Kind of felt like I failed her a bit? Irrational, I know. Above all, I'm really thankful to be pregnant and to have a healthy baby on the way.

Just wondering how your LO"s reacted? Especially if they're getting a sibling of the opposite gender? It seems most LO's want a sibling the same gender as they are, so I guess there would be more disappointment with an opposite gender sibling? What's been your experience?

 

[shelleyzeus]

My three year old daughter really wanted a brother and she wanted to call him alfie lol
I think shes like this because she has an older sister and she loves playing with boys
Ive had my 20week scan and ive been told the baby is a girl and shes not happy at all, she hasnt asked me questions why the baby is a girl shes just not happy.

 

[princessatmey]

i havent been in your situation as we never find out sex of bubs plus my oldest just turned 1 2weeks before sis was born so didnt understand. Am 14+2 with third an again dnt think well no sex but i havent really told other two. But i do try get rub my tummy as they want hit/pat it.i think id was good of youe explain how its not your choice, maybe you should say wht she could do with her little brother an how shes gota look out for him etc.

 

[Spiffynoodles]

I also didn't have this problem because of how close my kids are in age, but I understand the feeling that you "failed" them, because I secretly hoped my DS was a girl so that my DD would have a sister so close in age (I never had a sister and always wanted one). Now I'm kind of hoping this baby will be a girl so she has her "second chance" which is funny, because she's not even old enough to care yet.

However, I have a friend with a 5 year old and she desperately wanted a little brother, but my friend found out she's having another girl. Her daughter was upset, and kept saying that "Maybe they just missed his pee-pee" in the ultrasound. But now that my friend is nearly due, her daughter has come around to the idea of a little sister and is really excited about it.

I think most kids just need time.

 

[EmzyJA]

My daughter is 3 and she wanted a little sister, she loves girls but isn't so keen on boys. Anyways we're having a boy (husband is over the moon) my daughter wasn't too happy. However the more we talk about it the better it seems now. She seems to be coming round to the idea of having a brother. We prepared her from the beginning that baby may be either a boy or girl and we couldn't choose which. She's pretty bright and seems to understand. I think you just need to keep talking about it in a positive way. I keep telling my daughter how many fun things we can do with the baby once he's a bit older etc and she seems excited now. I've also stressed that when he's little he won't be able to do a lot lol, just so she won't be disappointed when he comes out and can't play trains or football straight away

 

[klsltsp]

Hey

My DS was 5 when I was pregnant with my second, my pregnancy was sooo different, I was sure I was having a girl. We prepped him saying, a girl is good, you won't have to share your toys etc...lol the lo and behold it was anothe boy!! There was a revolt at first "I'm not sharing my toys.. " etc.. in no time at all he was happy with a brother. I would say try and find something that will be really cool for her to either teach or do with her brother that she wouldn't have been able to do with a sister...

Good luck I'm sure she'll come around.

Kim

 

[Gingerspice]

My DD is 4. She wants a sister. She's said if it's a girl she'll be best sister ever and nice and loving and kind. She's said if it's a boy she will be mean and horrid to it. As such we are finding out what it is to give us time to prepare her.

She's stated, well if it's a boy you can make another baby and I can get a sister. We are not intending to have more than 2 so that's out of the question.

I am hoping us having time to work with her may ease things. She will be helping with choosing things and I will be trying to get her as involved as much as possible.

She's insistent we use her chosen name if it's a girl. It is not awful just not on our list. I might use it as middle name though

 

[jhughes0709]

both of my boys wanted a sister. My youngest was hysterical when we found out it was a boy lol but he came around to the idea of another boy. He still talks about wanting a sister. I just told them both that this baby is the one we were blessed with and that they will love him no matter what. She will probably be in such awe of him when he arrives that she will forget that he's not a girl

 

[ItsJana]

My 4 yr old wanted a sister, while my 5 yr old wanted a brother. When my 4 yr old found out the baby is a boy she whined about it and said that she wished I wasn't pregnant so that I wouldn't have a boy. This went on for the day, but after talking about it with her and asking her why she feels the way she does, she's much more happy about the idea of having a brother. I recently took her shopping and let her pick out an outfit for her baby brother, anything she wanted. She was really excited to do this and is now very happy to be having a little brother.

 

[sprite30]

I am pretty close with my nieces and the LO she's 5 now and she's having such a hard time with it. I think initially my sister talked a lot about how she was hoping i had a boy and my niece overheard a lot of those conversations so when we found out we were having a girl my niece asked a ton of questions, that mostly started with "I thought..."

 

[Zeri]

Hmmm... Thanks for your replies! I guess sibling gender disappointment is pretty common. I looked online for other ppl going through the same thing and there are tons of links about it too. For some reason I was focusing more on DH and my having some disappointment, as opposed to her. I know she'll come around, though. Appreciate the suggestions that everyone made. I know it'll take time but I'm definitely going to try to continue being positive about it. I like the idea of letting her pick out an outfit for her new sibling...think she'll be excited by that.

 

[SteffieLee]

We are finding out gender this weekend BUT, my daughter is completely set on a girl. I have my daughter whose 4 and y son who's 2. My daughter is already calling this baby a "she" and shows me which toys she will share with her and etc. Well we keep reminding her that God gives us exactly what we need so He may have given us a girl or a boy but it was up to Him. Her response to that is always "But I already have a brother so I need a sister!". We were actually going to let this baby be a surprise at birth but I feel like I have to prepare her before birth if it is in fact a boy.

 

[UnderPressure]

So this is our first baby, but I know my nephew was disappointed to have a little sister. He lives her now though. He's three and first said he didn't want me to have a baby when we told him... Then he wanted baby to be a boy. Yesterday he insisted that I should have a baby kitty. Since we told him I'm pregnant he's much rougher in his play and targets my belly too.... But then, he's three. I'm sure when this baby is real like his little sister he'll be different.

 

[pinkribbon]

My oldest son wants a sister. I don't know and don't plan to know either, but I think he'll come round. He wasn't warm to his brother to begin with but they're friends now. I think talking about the baby and her little brother is a good idea.

 

[Sqwidge]

Josh doesn't mind which really (we're not finding out), but he has said that he would prefer a sister - because then he doesn't have to compete with another boy on the sports front. He's worried if it's a boy it will be better than him at football! I have tried to explain (given my sporting background) that if it's a girl then she could well be good at sports as well!

 

[threemakefive]

Tell her baby.brothers bring presents for big sisters when they arrive and by her something she will like for baby to give her when he arrives

 

[Zeri]

Tell her baby.brothers bring presents for big sisters when they arrive and by her something she will like for baby to give her when he arrives

Great idea! Thanks!