LONGGGG VENT SO alone,sad,regretful

[Danie1stbaby]

This is hard for me to admit and share...I need to get it off my chest

I am the goody two shoes of my family.I am 27 years old and now pregnant with my 1st child(35 weeks)

Im so ashamed,I don't hate my baby...but I am ashamed of my situation.I feel like God tried to save me from this so many times and I kept doing as I pleased.

My ex fiance has done the most humiliating things to me and even gossiped about me,I have just found out.This man came into my life 3 years ago...and every since it has been hell and I was dumb enough to get pregnant.Thought I had it under control,this is my 1st pregnancy.

He has left me and I am just getting his new number.He left me for a teenage stripper/prostitute.He lives with her and his cousin and they are like a huge happy family.I did the ultimate no no and got the girl's number called her phone....he answered.My heart fell,even though I know the rumors are true.

he left me months ago and even changed his number,I saw nude pics of him and her on facebook.He recently added her as a friend,and she's bragging about their love etc.It hurts,but hurts worse that he abandoned me and his child.Even talked about me to his other children mother. He never fought for our love.Should have been stronger,but I admit I have abandonment issues...cling to the wrong situations.Every holiday was a fail with us.He recently said he didnt love me as much as I love him.Funny he admits this after meeting that skank.This man has man me feel like scum

i dont hate my baby,I just regret this entire situation.Would be easier to be alone,like I have for 27 years.Instead of being curled up in a bed alone pregnant,while he is cuddling elsewhere.Its not all about him and his chaos....Im just not happy.job wise,financially,unstable...I feel like I didn't think things through.Such a innocent child,abandoned by her father and having a unsure mother.

I decided to give her life,but I am doubting myself.enitre pregnancy was stress and depression.I fight to be positive but I am so sad.My family expected more of me...even at this age... I am ashamed.not one call or text since 4 months ago when he met her btw.

God this sounds like its all bc of him....I'm just mad at myself ,when the red flags were clear as day.Babies are precious and I love her...but I kind of wish I could go back in time.My heart would still be broken,and my life would not be perfect....but it would be more simple to just be alone.I am super sad and feel like I am dying within.

Everyone says it will change when it comes,but not all moms were lucky to have the pain erase and fall in love with their child....I feel so lost,and feel guilty for feeling this way.

Thanks for allowing me this long vent... drowning in my own tears,so tired of crying...never thought this would be my life.

 

[angelpkj]

awww hun i know what you mean
i come from a family where no-one has kids young or unmarried
i got pregnant at 21 and felt like i'd let the whole family down,felt so ashamed,they all reacted badly to finding out i was pregnant aswel so that stuck with me

i felt wierd them seeing my bump and stuff not knowing what was going thru their heads about it or me

fob left me 5 months pregnant so i felt even more of a failure,i used to feel ashamed when people would ask me stuff about the dad or is the dad happy to be a dad etc

i used to wish i'd had an abortion,i felt so guilty bringing a child into the world with a dead beat-did a runner-dad and into a world where from day 1 his mum and dad wern't even together

my ex flaunted his new relationship i even found out he was sleeping with her while sleeping with me at the same time of me being pregnant
she was stick thin while i felt like a whale heavily pregnant he made it very clear he liked slim girls so it was a knock to me,i blamed my bump-if i wasn't pregnant and have a bump perhaps he would want me again?

i felt rock bottom,hurt-rejected-failure and a total laughing stock
i felt so sucicidal but i couldnt bring myself to do anything as i was pregnant
there were days i would get bad tummy ache and part of me would hope i was losing my baby as i didnt have the heart to get rid of it myself

in my head it was all bumps fault
when LO was born i struggled to bond with him,he would cry alot at night for hours and hours on end and i was doing it all alone,every single god dam night and minute of the day as i was breasfeeding,it took its toll on me
i just didnt feel love for LO he was in my eyes a burdon

once FOB finally went out of the picture for good-once he stopped txting me trying to mess with my head,once ppl stopped telling me what he was up too,a strange thing happened i slowly started to bond with LO-i realised none of it was LO's fault and him-just like me-was now rejected by FOB
i realised it was FOB,FOB was the burdon and the problem not my LO

LO needed me and i needed him we only had each other to understand what fob was like
when LO got over his colic phases it suddenly became more rewarding to be a mum-he would smile at me and fall asleep in my arms,look at me with pure love in his eyes

fob and what he was up too was soon the very last thing i would even think about whereas before it would be the first and last thing on my mind

i deleted pretty much anyone who knew fob from my life,facebook,phone etc
it helped me move on fully doing that


things will get better,i know people always say that but trust me they will you just need to get over fob and it takes time-its hard when your pregnant to get over someone as u feel "tied" to them for life as you have a child with them

FOB may end up being in your bumps life,but it doesnt mean he has to be in yours...

take aslong as u feel u need to grieve for the relationships but de clutter your life of him

i can promise you it'll work out in time,rebound relationships never work
my ex did the same and it lasted 6 months with her
i've now rekindled my love with one of my ex's i lost and things are amazing,he's even saving up to propose to me next year

i was single a year before this happened-sometimes its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it will come,all you can do in the mean time is throw yourself into the world of babies and little girls

27 isn't bad to be pregnant at tho-i planned to have babies at 28 when i was growing up,start thinking positive,least your having a baby now so your young enough to keep up and recover your body-you'll be a yummy mummy!

 

[carly_mummy2b]

I don't really have any advice but to say your little girl is a miracle and I promise you will love her and although it will be tough it will be worth it, you'll never be alone again!
Good luck x x

 

[BadassMom]

take aslong as u feel u need to grieve for the relationships but de clutter your life of him

This is really good advise. Distance is one of the only things that helps you to get over someone. I know its hard because you want to check up on him, and hear what he's been up to, but really it's not good for you. When I first broke up with my FOB, even though we weren't speaking I would check his facebook like 10 times a day. Pathetic, I know, but I was desperate to hear anything about him. But then I realized that was just hurting me, and holding me back from moving on.
I think when you feel a little more stable and not so heartbroken your feelings towards your bump will change.

 

[angelpkj]

very true

tell people you don't want to know what FOB is up too as i'm sure some people think there doing you a favour keeping tabs on him but their not helping you move on

 

[george83]

i was in exactly the same situation as you with my husband and not once in my whole life had i ever thought that i would end up being a single parent. I found that before the baby was born i was completely torn as part of me already loved it but at the same time i thought it was the baby's fault that i was in this situation. If there was no baby maybe my husband would have wanted me more or even if he treated me the same as he did i would have been able to walk away with out so much trouble.

After my baby was born i found the hardest thing was facing up to the truth and admitting what was happening. I love my baby and i love looking after him on my own. we have a great routine and when my mum or my sisters have him for a couple of hours his face lights up when i get him back and nothing in the whole world can ever replace how much that means to me. I hate my husband for what he put me through but now my baby's here the thoughts that i had when i was pregnant have completely gone.

You have done nothing wrong and as a wise lady from this same forum told me you have nothing to be ashamed of. your child will grow up kowing you love them and that will mean more than having a dad who can't be bothered to stick around.

you will be a fantastic mum, i hope that you can start to enjoy being pregnant again and remember how special this time is xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

i kind of know the feeling - however i am young, and am pregnant with number 2.
It's hard to get over it, but believe me, being pregnant and single is deffinatly the hardest part - once your baby is here, and you have routines etc, you'll wonder where you have had the time to fit him in!!

clearly he wasn't a person worth being in your child's life. Would you have wanted him to do this later? when she would have felt the rejection. Me and my little girl stick together etc, we're a perfect little team - and i couldn't imagine life without her.

i know you can feel like you'll be alone and single forever, but you just won't.. but you'll deffinatly not need anyone else - because you'll have all that love from your daughter.
the worse thing feels like being left when you're pregnant - but it's not a patch on being in a disfunctional relationship - feeling guilty everyday that you're putting your child through it all.

 

[heaven]

You are about to be in love with your baby. You won't even miss him!

I had my first baby 10 yrs younger than you. You can do it.

 

[ilove3baby]

Aw sweetie!! I am so sorry you are going through this! What an immature asshole he is and she is just completley stupid!! The best revenge is to do great in life with you and your baby and prove that you dont need him! I known its hard right now but you have came to the right place and would love to help you work through this...best wishes honey!
I also left my boyfriend of three years but for other reasons...PM me if you ever need to talk...Wishing you the best!