Loss in January- nothing yet, feeling hopeless

[MissRoseMama]

I had a surprise pregnancy back in early January, but lost the baby at around six weeks. I knew it was going to happen by 5 weeks but I was still devastated. Been TTC since March and nothing. I have done three cycles of Clomid and two trigger shots and nothing but BFN. Everytime my period comes, I feel like my heart is breaking again. This month I decided to go free of any sort of reproductive interventions because I could not take it anymore.

I feel like a horrible person because when I see someone has gotten pregnant all I feel is an all consuming sense of jealousy. I just want to feel as if someone can understand these feelings. I miss the baby I lost so much and I just wish I understood why this happened. 😥

 

[nycmommy]

It feel the same. I lost my third at 8 weeks in March and we tried this cycle and nothing. (All three times I got pregnant on the first cycle). My period mid late but it's BFN I spent a ton of money on the pregnancy tests and they all negative. It's so heartbreaking and I feel like my body is failing me and I just want to cry.

 

[MissRoseMama]

It feel the same. I lost my third at 8 weeks in March and we tried this cycle and nothing. (All three times I got pregnant on the first cycle). My period mid late but it's BFN I spent a ton of money on the pregnancy tests and they all negative. It's so heartbreaking and I feel like my body is failing me and I just want to cry.

I know exactly what you mean. I just don't understand what is wrong with me that all of a sudden, I can't seem to get pregnant/keep a pregnancy. I feel like such a failure. I want to hit all the people who made jokes about how fertile I was and how I would have no problems getting pregnant. 😥

Hope things change for both of us soon! I just want my daughter to be a big sister...

 

[nycmommy]

It feel the same. I lost my third at 8 weeks in March and we tried this cycle and nothing. (All three times I got pregnant on the first cycle). My period mid late but it's BFN I spent a ton of money on the pregnancy tests and they all negative. It's so heartbreaking and I feel like my body is failing me and I just want to cry.

I know exactly what you mean. I just don't understand what is wrong with me that all of a sudden, I can't seem to get pregnant/keep a pregnancy. I feel like such a failure. I want to hit all the people who made jokes about how fertile I was and how I would have no problems getting pregnant. 😥

Hope things change for both of us soon! I just want my daughter to be a big sister...

Some people after miscarriage had the decency to tell me that maybe god doesn't want me to have more then two or that now I will allow them to catch up to me. It's like "my loss and grief has nothing to do with you." And now I'm a day late but not pregnant so my body is just messing with my mind.

 

[MissRoseMama]

It feel the same. I lost my third at 8 weeks in March and we tried this cycle and nothing. (All three times I got pregnant on the first cycle). My period mid late but it's BFN I spent a ton of money on the pregnancy tests and they all negative. It's so heartbreaking and I feel like my body is failing me and I just want to cry.

I know exactly what you mean. I just don't understand what is wrong with me that all of a sudden, I can't seem to get pregnant/keep a pregnancy. I feel like such a failure. I want to hit all the people who made jokes about how fertile I was and how I would have no problems getting pregnant. 😥

Hope things change for both of us soon! I just want my daughter to be a big sister...

Some people after miscarriage had the decency to tell me that maybe god doesn't want me to have more then two or that now I will allow them to catch up to me. It's like "my loss and grief has nothing to do with you." And now I'm a day late but not pregnant so my body is just messing with my mind.

People are cruel. My father told me before my miscarriage that it was a "good thing" and why would I possibly want to have more so soon after my first (she is over 2.5)...I could not believe that. Then came the crap from my pregnant coworker who thought when I was actively miscarrying was the perfect time to tell me about planning her maternity leave and all the new people at work who were pregnant. All with SUCH joy in her voice.

The same thing happened to me after my miscarriage. The first two months after, my period was late my 1-3 days and I wasn't pregnant. It's a horrible mind game.

Hugs ❤️

 

[nycmommy]

Hugs for you as well

 

[ButternutBabe]

My MC was in feb. I was so terrified I went to the emergency room even though I was only at 7 or so weeks (the fact that I can't remember exactly how far along I was any more makes me really sad too, I don't want to just forget about this life I lost). I'm constantly scared of not being able to fall pregnant again and fall into regular bouts of depression, but I'm trying my best to be hopeful. I want so badly to experience pregnancy, child birth, and to be a mother. I have faith it'll happen eventually, and there's always other options if I can't carry my children myself, but it just hurts.

 

[jwilly]

After ttc for a year, we found out I was pregnant in April. By 5 wks we already knew the pregnancy wasn't viable, but it was still heart wrenching none the less. We later found out that it was ectopic, and I was treated with methotrexate, which means we can't try again for three months. I am so terrified that it is going to take another year or longer to fall pregnant again. It's so frustrating that something that our bodies do naturally can be so hard. My anxiety has been really getting to me lately, especially now that everyone around me is falling pregnant. It feels like the race is on (even though I know that is just in my head). You are NOT a failure. sometimes our journeys are just longer and more difficult than other peoples.

 

[AugustAngel15]

I was ttc for one year almost to the date and finally got a BFP in July 2015. Unfortunately, I lost my baby August 19, 2015, just 4 days before my first wedding anniversary. We have been ttc naturally. AF knocks me down each month. Stay strong! I'm slightly confident that this cycle is THE cycle. My ovulation was more pronounced than normal. I'm 5 dpo (I know this sounds crazy) and I feel pregnant. Started with "twinges" in my lower abdomen two days ago. Yesterday and today, I have been nauseous each morning until roughly 11am. My lower back is very achy and my breasts hurt. I'm doing my best to not pump myself up just to be let down but this is so different from my normal cycle feelings.

 

[MissRoseMama]

I was ttc for one year almost to the date and finally got a BFP in July 2015. Unfortunately, I lost my baby August 19, 2015, just 4 days before my first wedding anniversary. We have been ttc naturally. AF knocks me down each month. Stay strong! I'm slightly confident that this cycle is THE cycle. My ovulation was more pronounced than normal. I'm 5 dpo (I know this sounds crazy) and I feel pregnant. Started with "twinges" in my lower abdomen two days ago. Yesterday and today, I have been nauseous each morning until roughly 11am. My lower back is very achy and my breasts hurt. I'm doing my best to not pump myself up just to be let down but this is so different from my normal cycle feelings.

I think this is what has killed me the last few cycles is that literally every single cycle the last few times I was convinced I was pregnant. Just convinced. Felt pregnant, had all the symptoms but then AF showed and it just devastated me. Everytime. This cycle I am almost positive I am already out and I am only on CD 14. It sucks. I've missed all but one ideal time to DTD.

Today I went to my old job to work a day and I regret it because it seemed like everybody was pregnant and it was like a kick in the stomach seeing it.

 

[lucy_x]

I was ttc for one year almost to the date and finally got a BFP in July 2015. Unfortunately, I lost my baby August 19, 2015, just 4 days before my first wedding anniversary. We have been ttc naturally. AF knocks me down each month. Stay strong! I'm slightly confident that this cycle is THE cycle. My ovulation was more pronounced than normal. I'm 5 dpo (I know this sounds crazy) and I feel pregnant. Started with "twinges" in my lower abdomen two days ago. Yesterday and today, I have been nauseous each morning until roughly 11am. My lower back is very achy and my breasts hurt. I'm doing my best to not pump myself up just to be let down but this is so different from my normal cycle feelings.

I really hope it's a BFP for you, I'm having the same symptoms but unfortunately progesterone after ovulation can cause the same things, it's very unfair that early pregnancy symptoms are the same as Af coming.

 

[MissRoseMama]

I was ttc for one year almost to the date and finally got a BFP in July 2015. Unfortunately, I lost my baby August 19, 2015, just 4 days before my first wedding anniversary. We have been ttc naturally. AF knocks me down each month. Stay strong! I'm slightly confident that this cycle is THE cycle. My ovulation was more pronounced than normal. I'm 5 dpo (I know this sounds crazy) and I feel pregnant. Started with "twinges" in my lower abdomen two days ago. Yesterday and today, I have been nauseous each morning until roughly 11am. My lower back is very achy and my breasts hurt. I'm doing my best to not pump myself up just to be let down but this is so different from my normal cycle feelings.

I really hope it's a BFP for you, I'm having the same symptoms but unfortunately progesterone after ovulation can cause the same things, it's very unfair that early pregnancy symptoms are the same as Af coming.

I hate that too! It's like a big tease. To make it worse, since I weaned my daughter back in February/Early March, the blue lines in my boobs are pretty much always there and yet my stupid self keeps seeing them as a sign. A part of me now dreads every TWW because I get nervous about those BFN and the feeling of depression that follows for the next few days, which of course leads me to think of the baby I lost. 💔

 

[Trying4first1]

Hi Miss rose
So sorry for your loss
I also lost my little bean in January so I understand how frustrating it can can be. You hear of all these women falling pregnant again straight away, but in reality I think most of us take a while longer.
I keep telling myself that 4 months isn't that long, which it isn't. We have only been ttc for 3 cycles now going into our 4th. But I didn't ovulate the first cycle we tried. So really we have only had two attempts.
In my experience I have found that a MC effects the body more than we realise. After my last MC it took us 8 cycles of actively ttc to get a BFP again, so I know that it is normal for it to take a bit longer, hence why I'm not as concerned this time. However I am still frustrated some days and feel sad. But I know that in the grand scheme of things we havnt been trying for long at all.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it will happen. If not next month maybe a few months down the line. We need to trust in our bodies and that they will fall pregnant when they are ready 😊 X

 

[MissRoseMama]

Hi Miss rose
So sorry for your loss
I also lost my little bean in January so I understand how frustrating it can can be. You hear of all these women falling pregnant again straight away, but in reality I think most of us take a while longer.
I keep telling myself that 4 months isn't that long, which it isn't. We have only been ttc for 3 cycles now going into our 4th. But I didn't ovulate the first cycle we tried. So really we have only had two attempts.
In my experience I have found that a MC effects the body more than we realise. After my last MC it took us 8 cycles of actively ttc to get a BFP again, so I know that it is normal for it to take a bit longer, hence why I'm not as concerned this time. However I am still frustrated some days and feel sad. But I know that in the grand scheme of things we havnt been trying for long at all.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it will happen. If not next month maybe a few months down the line. We need to trust in our bodies and that they will fall pregnant when they are ready 😊 X

Hugs to you as well! ❤️

I think you are right - whether it's an emotional block or a physical one - it just takes a toll on you. That's the rub - they tell you that you are most fertile after a miscarriage but emotionally it is hard to get past everything. I feel so jealous of those who are able to conceive their rainbow right away. But maybe it just means when it happens for us, we will appreciate it all that much more. I can hope!

 

[AugustAngel15]

I'm still having symptoms. They are actually increasing. I have NOT tested yet. AF is due Friday.

 

[lucy_x]

I was ttc for one year almost to the date and finally got a BFP in July 2015. Unfortunately, I lost my baby August 19, 2015, just 4 days before my first wedding anniversary. We have been ttc naturally. AF knocks me down each month. Stay strong! I'm slightly confident that this cycle is THE cycle. My ovulation was more pronounced than normal. I'm 5 dpo (I know this sounds crazy) and I feel pregnant. Started with "twinges" in my lower abdomen two days ago. Yesterday and today, I have been nauseous each morning until roughly 11am. My lower back is very achy and my breasts hurt. I'm doing my best to not pump myself up just to be let down but this is so different from my normal cycle feelings.

I really hope it's a BFP for you, I'm having the same symptoms but unfortunately progesterone after ovulation can cause the same things, it's very unfair that early pregnancy symptoms are the same as Af coming.

I hate that too! It's like a big tease. To make it worse, since I weaned my daughter back in February/Early March, the blue lines in my boobs are pretty much always there and yet my stupid self keeps seeing them as a sign. A part of me now dreads every TWW because I get nervous about those BFN and the feeling of depression that follows for the next few days, which of course leads me to think of the baby I lost. 💔

Forgot to update but my symptoms were correct, I got my BFP not long after posting. - I haven't seen that you have yours anywhere, but I hope you have!.if not good luvk and fingers crossed for this month,

I read somewhere that 1 in 3 women are clinically depressed following a MC and I can see why, I think I was bordering it too.....getting a BFP after a Mc seems to be all that matters to that lady, and not getting it is seriously heartbreaking x x x