LTTC & Purchasing things for baby before pregnant??

[wannabeprego]

Question for you LTTC girls???

I am taking the next step in my almost 3 year LTTC journey bye getting the surgery that I need on 08/29/12, hysteroscopy to remove polyp from my uterus and a laparscopy to unblock my possibly one blocked tube, so I feel like I am starting to make progress in my journey..but I was thinking about buying things for baby and decorating a nursery next....

We have a no purpose 4th bedroom upstairs that is plain white, with a futon for guests, and an old nightstand. DH keeps his clothes in the closet in there, but other than that right now the room is empty and will eventually be the baby's room. Over the course of the almost 3 years I have been LTTC the empty room, when I look in there, has been a painful reminder of what I dont have, a baby... sigh..

So the moral of the story is that I was talking to DH abougt starting to work on the nursery in there, start out small with a gender neutral paint color and slowly start to work on it to make it a nursery. I have my favorite baby bedding sets picked out already, a few really cute gender neutral ones and one that is my fav for a baby boy, mind you I have had these sets picked out for many years now. So I wanted to work on completing the nursery now to feel like I am working towards a goal of having a baby and preparing for the baby's arrival, and to feel like I have some control over this LTTC stuff... Does that make sense girls?? Do you get where I am coming from? But, there is also this part of me that is terrified I will put the time into the nursery and for some crazy reason I wont be able to have a baby so instead of a looking into an empty room, it will be an empty nursery...

What do you girls think about decorating the nursery and preparing for baby/purchasing baby stuff/supplies, before you get pregnant, especially from the perspective of a LTTC'er.... Have you girls started this process yet? Any advice??

Here is one of my favorite gender nuetral baby sets I found on Jcpenney, and is perfect for either gender baby..

https://www.jcpenney.com/dotcom/bab...GNS&containerId=JCP|dept20000017|cat100260095

 

[Pinkie 33]

I think for me it would be tempting fate so I wouldnt, I do think about names sometimes but I couldnt start preparing for an arrival until I am well on the way. But I think its for you to decide how to handle your journey and whatever you feel gives you positivity then thats the right thing for you.

 

[wannabeprego]

I think for me it would be tempting fate so I wouldnt, I do think about names sometimes but I couldnt start preparing for an arrival until I am well on the way. But I think its for you to decide how to handle your journey and whatever you feel gives you positivity then thats the right thing for you.

Thanks for your advice hun....

For a long time I thought it would be bad luck to buy baby stuff before I was pregnant so I was totally against it. A little superstitous I suppose.

I think part of it has to do with me knowing for a long time that it wasn't going to happen for me until I could at least get the surgery that i need, so part of me has a new found hope that after the surgery i will finally get my BFP. But, on the other hand my DH has a low sperm count so even after the surgery our next obstacle is dealing with that issue...

I had kind of put TTC on the back burner for a while now and have been focusing on work and just doing what I love. Part of me is nervous about jumping back on the TTC train again and getting my hopes up again, but part of me is also excited about the surgery fixing my problems. I am of course scared though because of the devastating pain that comes when you get your hopes up and AF crashes the party, After alomst 3 years TTC this October, I am very skeptical.

I think DH wants me to wait on decorating the nursery, but lately I have been feeling guilty about buying myself things and not putting the money into things for baby.... ....

I went through a phase were I felt selfish and was spending my money on whatever I wanted for myself, shopping, doing fun things, I think I had given up on having a baby altogether.. Because when I was ready to sacrifice for a baby and cut back on things for myself, pregnancy didnt happen, so i just gave up for a while and did whatever I wanted for a while to keep my own sanity.. I was falling into a deep depression before and I needed to take a TTC break before the depression got any worse.

I hope I am making sense and not rambling on like a crazy women....

 

[Chatnoir]

For me buying the baby stuff and decorating a nursery is all part of the pregnancy journey. Not the ttc journey. If you do the nursery etc now you won't have it to look forward to when you do full pregnant. And if u think it's painful now seeing a non-nursery room empty how will you feel seeing a fully decorated nursery with baby items with no baby to use it?
I think you could be setting yourself up for more heartache hun.

I wish you well with whatever u decide and with your op.....sending u baby dust xx

 

[wannabeprego]

Thanks for the advice Chatnoir!!

I think I am getting my hopes up and letting the surgery give me new hope that I could get pregnant, hoping that it has been my problem all along and correcting it will magically get me my BFP. Although I should know better after all that I have been through over the last almost 3 years. The higher I get my hopes up the more painful it will be if i dont get my BFP after!!! I should know better!!! I am going to reel myself in and calm down, keep my excitment at bay about the possibilities to protect myself, after all of this time I have learned to put up a wall and when AF crashes the party I no longer shed any tears, I just push forward, but it took me a long time to be that strong, and there are points in my LTTC journey that were painfully depressing....

The only thing that I think I might do is maybe paint the room, and that is it, because then if there is no baby I can still decorate the room another way if I pick a pretty paint color.. right now the room is off white walls and dreary, no art work, very plain...

 

[charbaby]

I have brought several little things while ttc (cant help myself!), But nothing big and expensive, it makes me feel a bit better when i do this rather than ignoring the baby section in shops! If you think it will help then I say go for it and do what you want xx

 

[Armywife84]

It's like buying a wedding dress before your boyfriend proposes! Then come to find out he doesn't propose. Now your stuck with this wedding dress you cannot return or use if you ever get married.

I wouldn't go all out and start decorating, it would make you upset passing that adorable room with no baby occupying it.

With that being said, I don't think there's any harm in painting the room a unisex pastel color and using it as a temporary office or yoga room.

 

[PinkPeony]

I actually think making little preparations like that can be a healing thing when LTTTC. I can really relate to you, I haven't been trying as long (just over a year now), but I went through a pretty bad depression a few months ago and I've started to think all that negative thinking was harming my chances even more. So I'm trying to be so much more positive these days. The way I'm looking at things is that there's a difference between long term hope and short term hope. Short term hope is when you get yourself all psyched up about one particular cycle and start to think you're already pregnant and then it's devastating when AF comes. I do that every cycle, as hard as I try not to. Long term hope is just sort of hoping and having faith that you will get a BFP someday. That's the kind of hope I want to have.

The only thing I've bought is this really cute little onesie. I had to go to a baby shower last month and I was a total mess over it. Shopping for the gift was really rough so I just thought the hell with it and threw in something for my future baby. This may sound weird but when I look at it I feel warm and fuzzy and it lets me focus my thoughts in a positive way a bit. Like yes, someday I'll have a baby in this thing for real.

I think I'd be afraid to kit out an entire nursery with a crib and all that, but I think painting the room, maybe putting a little rug in there... stuff like that can't be so bad and psychologically you know you're on your way to having a snuggly place for your future little one.

 

[wannabeprego]

Thanks for all of the wonderful advice girls!!

I really appeciate everone sharing their different perspectives on the topic. You girls are all so wonderful & it is good to know I am not alone in my TTC journey and you girls understand where I am coming from.

 

[No Doubt]

I actually like the idea, and to be honest I've done a bit myself...well, me and the hubby. We have a theme picked out, the walls are mostly painted...just a few small spaces and getting the the stenciled quotes and that part will be done. I actually did find it quite soothing when I was really struggling with ltttc. I felt very calm and while me and the hubbs did most of it together, I liked to go in there by myself sometimes and do a little bit. We haven't bought anything yet, but we have looked at some different sets and little baby furniture, like a toy chest, night light, etc. and have set up in our minds/on the computer how the room will be.

Like you said, you can always paint it over if things don't work out like you want. I know when I first brought it up to the hubbs he was concerned about how I would feel, but I really wanted to be a part of that experience which I wouldn't be able to do while preggo cause of the paint fumes and what not. At most I could say put this here, put that there. I wouldn't be able to move/place furniture, paint, climb, etc. so I would miss out on pretty much all of it.

I say do whatever you are comfortable with. If you think you can handle it and it won't drive you crazy, I say go for it. I don't think there's anything wrong it all. And I think you will still have plenty to look forward. The entire pregnancy will have more than enough for you to share in there I'm sure!

 

[tommyg]

Personally I wouldn't. If you don't get a BFP or if something was to go wrong it could devastate you to be looking at an empty room.

I'd leave it a do it during those 9 months.

 

[tamithomas]

I haven't bought anything per say, but I do leave the 2 hand me downs that we're going to be giving to hopefully our future LO which is a blankie on my side, and a hand sewn onesie with booties and hat also hand sewn by my DH's mother that was made for him, girl or boy they can still wear it since it's unisex. As for buying stuff, for me personally I don't bother because as said in previous comment, in my eyes it's a pregnancy journey not a TTc one. But I don't judge those who do it, it's whatever floats their boat.

 

[Just_married]

I think it's a nice idea to paint the room...it will make it more welcoming for any guests and if you want to buy the bedding you should, but it might be easier on you to pack it away safely and bring it out closer to the time.

Dh and i never foresaw problems conceiving as we both had dd from prev rel, so before we marred we started buying little things to put away - hairbrush sets, bibs, vests, bottles etc. Just a small thing every now and then. We continued after we married and even now we sometimes just buy something to fight the negativity. Everything is packed away in little winnie the pooh boxes in our cupboards so we dont see them every day, but once in a blue moon we get them out and look through them and talk about it.

I agree with the prev post about short term & long term hopes. I think having the stuff in your face every day would remind you too much and compound the month to month emotions you feel, but maybe you are like us where getting the stuff out every now and then helps to trigger conversations where you dream out loud and bond over your journey there.

 

[wannabeprego]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this with me again girls. I do like the idea of painting the room now and picking a color that is unisex, but that I like in general as well, because if there is no BFP anytime soon than I could always change the room into something else that we need down the road. I also like the idea of buying some small things here and there, and than just keepng them in storage until the time is needed to take them out. I do have a few favorite beddings sets and I saw the cutest baby duck outfit that I regret not buying at the time, because it was super cute,and i doubt if the same one is available now all of this time later.

 

[No Doubt]

I think that would be the only down fall to not buying stuff now, is that it may not be available later. We went with a theme that we're thinking will always be around, so painting the room now is fine and when the time comes we will purchase all that is needed. This way I can be a part of decorating the room, and when the time comes dh can do all the heavy lifting, but we're also not spending money on things that can't be used right now or in the unfortunate event it never happens, won't ever be used. But I don't think there is anything wrong with the sentimental items you and dh have. I think everyone had those.

 

[brittany12]

I think buying things like baby wipes, diapers, bottles and things like that when you find them on sale wouldn't be a bad idea, but i don't think i would paint and decorate a nursery until i was pregnant. I think seeing that room would hurt after a while. Maybe not at first, but if months or years went by and i still wasn't pregnant I think it would break my heart even more. The smaller things you can put away and hide. Like I have small things like outfits, blankets, baby towels and cloths that i found on sale or clearance put away. But whatever makes you and your DH happy. (also, make sure your DH is ok with it too because it could hurt him a lot too to see it and not have a baby for it even if he doesn't come out and admit it.)

 

[arizonagal]

I have a room just like that! When we bought our house in 2010 I painted it yellow, sewed curtains, bought art for the walls, and put in wood floor hoping it would soon need a crib unfortunately we have had no such luck. It was painful and silly to have an empty room so we put my husbands drum set and my craft supplies in there. So now it's sort of a hobby room. I like it that way, it says to me that we have other things in our life besides just ttc ( I get depressed about it easily). I recommend you do the same, once we get our BFPs we can always take out the crafts and put in the baby stuff!

 

[hasti2011]

even before we decided ttc i bought some little things and the month we officially start ttc i bought a few more. since then whenever i see something lovely i bought it. however, i gifted some of them . and i think there is always a baby shower that i should buy a gift for that, so i am not worry about them. but now in cycle 12 when i no we have MFI and dh hesitate for a i gonna be more realistic and do things to enjoy myself more because when i get preggo i would do everything for my little .

my sister has gave me most of her baby stuffs. she even gave us a new stroller as a gift. to be honest with you they hurt me a lot. i feel more pressure to have a . my sister was moving and couldn't give them later. she felt good to give them to me . but they are not just a little bag of cloths so i see lots of thing with no reason everyday. it is like telling everyone we are ttc .

think more before buying bed and big stuffs. they may give more pressure to you.

i hope you get bfp very soon.

 

[wannabeprego]

Thanks for all of the kind words and responses girls!!

I am remebering one time when I was really having a hard time with TTC, and I was in a deep depression and my girlfriend has a son, she wanted to give me all of his baby stuff because he was gettin to big for it, and I didnt want any of her stuff, i was waaaaay to depressed at that time to start stock piling baby supplies. My friend got upset with me for not taking her hand me downs, she thought I was just being too stuck up to accept her hand me downs, but that wasn't the case at all, at the time I was just way to depressed and the thought of baby stuff laying around was very painful. I finally did take ths rocking horse toy thing just to make her happy, and it sat in the garage for a long time, I finally just gave it to my neighbor when she had her baby boy. My friend didn't struggle with infertility like i did so she doesnt understand how dfficult it all is.....

Long story short even though I am handling LTTC alright right now, who knows how I will be feling in 6 months from now if i dont get a BFP after my surgery is done. If i buy anything, it will just be small things I can pack away and keep out of site until we need them. I might do somepainting in the room as well, but not much else until I get BFP.

 

[Sizzles]

Having been ttc for 2.5 years now, I have a few bits put away. I sometimes pick stuff up if I'm grocery shopping, like I have a couple of packs of muslins and some scratch mits. I also tend to buy something for 'me' when shopping for newborn presents for others. So this week I bought a baby sleeping bag I loved whilst buying a couple for a friend. I have a few clothing items, a blanket and stuff; I had a rubber duck as a joke gift (we'd just had the bathrooms done) at Christmas, so I put it away with the baby stuff. Personally, I'd buy more clothes, but for the fact that we don't know the sex of any potential baby we have and we don't know the time of year it might be born. It's probably just as well or I'd have a chest of drawers and wardrobe full! My baby stuff is just stored in those vacu-pack bags and put away.

I don't think I'd want to create a nursery as such before falling pg, but painting the room can't hurt. Actually the OP has made me think maybe I'll de-clutter in the room which would become baby's.