LTTTC #1 - Support Group *Please share your story

[Bluebell bun]

Hi Ladies, thought I would join in too. We have been TTC since Jan 11. I am 37 ( 38 in July!) and OH is 46. We are unexplained! Unfortunately, we have had 2 failed private cycles if IVF and ICSI. I have a high AMH (42) and OH sperm count is good. We are waiting for our free NHS IVF cycles and hope to maybe start treatment this year. I have put our name on the waiting list for donor egg IVF privately in case these cycles with my own eggs fail. Our consultant is worried that the problem is due to egg quality. Feel so frustrated by the entire business.

 

[pipilotta]

Hi Ladies,
I'm still waiting to ovulate and because this seems quite late again for me I was wondering if there are reasons for later ovulation than usual.
I have regular cycles which are usually around 29 days. The past two years since I started charting I o'd around day 13 - 15, and since about 4 months ago it was on days 15 - 17. It just seems odd.
Cycle day 17 today, and I'm still waiting. Other signs are good, slight cramps, cm etc.

Pbl_ge and Myshel, I hope your laps are straightforward, and you are getting the news you need!

 

[Serenyx]

I take mine at bedtime with the bulk of all my other things I have to take - he said just to take it once a day and it didn't matter when as long as it was the same time every day - so I started taking it that same night after he told me to start

Thanks for that I have been told by our consultant that I will need to take it - if I get a natural BFP then starting from the day of the test, or when undergoing IVF I need to take it from CD4.

I have bought some dispersable tablets but I can't drink sparkling water without wanting to gag so I might have to get some coated ones instead

 

[Myshelsong]

Hi Pipi - Stress is a big factor or at least it is with me. I usually O around day 16 but the month that I was sappose to have my first Lap I was so pent up that month about getting pregnant and taking OPK's and temping and everything else it didn't Ovulate until day 21!

If you know or think you are going to O soon start BDing and keep on going until you get three solid days of high temps!

How long have you been trying? Have you been diagnosed with anything?

 

[pipilotta]

Hi Myshel,
We are Bding as much as we can at the moment, I don't want to miss that egg But dh works superlong hours this week, so we didn't manage to bd every day. But hey, I still haven't o'd and tonight is looking good.
So far everything looks to be ok with me, I haven't been diagnosed with anything. And my temps and other signs are always indicating i'm ovulating.

We have been actively trying for over 18 months now, but we haven't used contraception and Ntnp for about 5 years or longer.

I'm just curious what could delay my o, I have a tiny bit of stress, but it doesn't seem to be that much to should have an impact.

 

[Ella_Hopeful]

Hi ladies

I'm also so stressed about getting pg this month because it's the last month before my lap!

Although part of me really doesn't want to get pg this month - because if I do have endometriosis it can cause a higher rate of miscarriage, and wouldn't want that... and also pregnancy only calms the endometriosis down, doesn't get rid of it. If they cut it out in a lap there's more chances of a healthier uterus for a longer time... maybe meaning it will be easier to have more kids afterwards (I hope/wish...!)

Interesting that this is the 4th month of clomid for me and the first month I've seen any response.

Yesterday I had these follies: right side: 16mm, left side: 15mm, 15mm, 12mm, 12mm, 10m.

I'm guessing the top three will have a chance to mature... never had more than one follicle before!

My lining is only 5.5mm though, so I'm hoping it will thicken up in the next few days. Any tips on doing that?

Aurorasaurus, I'll understand if you can't give advice here - stick to the zombies!! Although maybe the reason they removed it from your sig was just because your sig was too big? I doubt they'd remove it based on the content.

 

[Praying4bump]

Good luck Ella! I heard baby aspiring is good for thickening your uterine lining.

 

[FalseSmile]

Hello

May i join the group that no one wants to be in

My name is Sam, 32 and i've been ttc for 12 long years...yes 12 years - i even hate admitting that and seeing it wrote down. In the early days (came of birth control at 21) i wasnt that fussed - thought it'll happen when it happens - here i am at aged 32 realising that a miracle isnt going to happen for me. Finally i've reached the top of the waiting list for IVF (2.5 years wait), had my consultation appointment on Monday and was given further devastating news that not only do i have a blocked tube but my egg supply is low and IVF might not even help me. I'm supposed to start my injections next month after my holiday but i've cancelled this as i cannot face the absolute soul destroying moment if they tell me even the fertility drugs cant stimulate my ovaries...i depair. I was always told as i have a very regular 28 days cycle i was ovulating regularly - but apparently this is not the case. So i've decided to give myself another couple of months to get myself in the best baby producing state i can. Here's the bit where i might lose your sympathy - i smoke - probably around 15-20 a day - i know, i know awful, disgusting and pathetic considering i know it has reduced my fertility no end - but otherwise i have always been a healthy eater (mostly organic), regular gym bunny etc etc but there is no getting away from the fact that i smoke so i have now stopped completely - no more, i mean it! When i found out i hardly had any eggs left - it was the biggest wake up call of my life, i have cried all week...like WTF am i doing to myself, i felt sick at the thought i have contributed to my barren state by smoking quite happily for all those years...no words can describe my despair, but if i am going to have any chance with this IVF i am determined to do everything possible to help my poor body along the way.
I would not wish this awful situation on anyone - i just want to end it all - i wont - but i want to.

I wish us all the luck in the world and sorry if i've brought the tone down - i'll be more positive from now on....promise x

 

[Ella_Hopeful]

FalseSmile (can I call you FS?) that sounds incredibly difficult. Good for you for quitting smoking though!

Good luck over the next few months before you start the IVF x

 

[FalseSmile]

Hi Ella, you can call me FS or sam

Thank you...its tough - but i have so much to be grateful for with the ivf chance - i am determined to get my insides healthy and at least produce a few healthy eggs - where theres a will theres a way and the doc said it only takes one healthy egg, surely i must have at least one lurking about in there I'm loving the quote "in order to get the result you want - you must try the route you havent" - stopping smoking completely and for a long period of time is the only thing i havent - so i am enjoying the challenge and hopefully it pays off. I'm looking forward to sharing my journey here and helping each other out along the way. Good luck with the upcoming lap - hopefully they can get rid of your endo once and for all x

 

[Myshelsong]

Ella – Feel you completely, I really just want this to be the month but feel at this point that it is completely pointless to keep trying until they figure out what is wrong. Yeah for follicles though! I haven’t even had a investigation cycle to see if my follicles are the right size or anything. I feel like my Dr is doing this ass backwards.

FSmile: 12 years that must be completely hard. I finally stopped smoking this year and it has been the hardest thing I have ever done. Good for you for stopping! My hubby is still working on it, but his job is so much more stressful than mine. He tried Champex but had a "bad" reaction to it and almost had a breakdown so stopped that right away.
I know that you are still young but someone suggested Coenzyme Q10 for increasing the “lively hood” or viability of eggs in older women. Take 300mgs a day and within 3 months is suppose to help out. I would definitely do some research on it and see if it is something you would be interested in.

Temp is still down which is bizarre and FF moved my Ovulation date so now only ... 6 DPO I think. Hopping that this is not AF coming early! WILL BE SO PISSED OFF!

 

[pipilotta]

Sam- how great you stopped smoking. I'm an ex smoker, for three years now, and I know how hard it can be. But it is never to late to stop! It will always benefit your health!
I'm sorry your journey has been so long, and I hope ivf is working for you.
I'm on a waiting list too, starting in jan. and it is a lot to take in.
Be proud of yourself for stopping, it gets easier in a few months if you should have problems.

 

[LornaMJ]

Hello

May i join the group that no one wants to be in

My name is Sam, 32 and i've been ttc for 12 long years...yes 12 years - i even hate admitting that and seeing it wrote down. In the early days (came of birth control at 21) i wasnt that fussed - thought it'll happen when it happens - here i am at aged 32 realising that a miracle isnt going to happen for me. Finally i've reached the top of the waiting list for IVF (2.5 years wait), had my consultation appointment on Monday and was given further devastating news that not only do i have a blocked tube but my egg supply is low and IVF might not even help me. I'm supposed to start my injections next month after my holiday but i've cancelled this as i cannot face the absolute soul destroying moment if they tell me even the fertility drugs cant stimulate my ovaries...i depair. I was always told as i have a very regular 28 days cycle i was ovulating regularly - but apparently this is not the case. So i've decided to give myself another couple of months to get myself in the best baby producing state i can. Here's the bit where i might lose your sympathy - i smoke - probably around 15-20 a day - i know, i know awful, disgusting and pathetic considering i know it has reduced my fertility no end - but otherwise i have always been a healthy eater (mostly organic), regular gym bunny etc etc but there is no getting away from the fact that i smoke so i have now stopped completely - no more, i mean it! When i found out i hardly had any eggs left - it was the biggest wake up call of my life, i have cried all week...like WTF am i doing to myself, i felt sick at the thought i have contributed to my barren state by smoking quite happily for all those years...no words can describe my despair, but if i am going to have any chance with this IVF i am determined to do everything possible to help my poor body along the way.
I would not wish this awful situation on anyone - i just want to end it all - i wont - but i want to.

I wish us all the luck in the world and sorry if i've brought the tone down - i'll be more positive from now on....promise x

Firstly so sorry its been so long for you, I know how you feel as its been 10 years for us. I also have been told my egg reserve is low AMH is 2.1 but every FS has a different thought, my FS told me I still have a good chance as any others and at the end of it all thats what all the drugs do pre IVF. I wish you much luck and I hope it is successful IVF. As for the smoking it is never too late and try not to be so hard on yourself this is a crappy journey at the best of times

 

[LornaMJ]

Hi all, really like this thread. I have been on threads and although all the ladies have been great, I feel they just cannot understand what I have been through and continue to.

So here is our story.

I (34) have been with my wonderful DH (35) for 15 years and married in 2005. We both went to university together and when we finished end 2003 we thought it was time I came of the pill and just see what happens. Anyway by the end of 2005 we thought it was time we seen a FS. Lots of bloods etc were taken and my husband had a sample taken. Everything seemed fine except DH sample was borderline low motility and count. The FS started me on clomid in 2006 and after the first round we had a BFP. We were so excited at only 4 weeks we shouted it from the top of the roof. However, our happiness was short lived and at 11 weeks I had a missed miscarriage. I would say our journey really started here. Following this I had a further 5 rounds of Clomid and then 3 rounds of IUI all unsuccessful. In between all of this I had a D&C and found out I have mild endometroiosis. At this point I lived in the UK and we had to wait for public funded IVF until I was 31 (criteria) but before this we emigrated to NZ. April 2012 I started the Billings Ovulation Programme and after one cycle I had a miracle BFP, this time we thought we would wait until 12 weeks to tell anyone. However, at 8 weeks I had a D&C for a blighted ovum. Then three months later a miracle happened I had another BFP however at only 5 weeks I was rushed to hospital with an ectopic for which I lost a tube. Now here we are awaiting IVF hopefully November just waiting in a date.

Looking forward to sharing this journey with you all and hopefully to see lots of BFP's and sticky beans soon.

Sorry, this might be a stupid question from a newbie, what are the spoilers you are talking about?
For my part, seeing bfp here would make me incredibly happy, and rather than being upset it would give me lots of hope! I would'nt mind seeing any bfp announcements, but i'm happy to go with any decisions.

Not a stupid question, Pipi! I love the spoilers! I definitely love seeing LTTTC people getting bfps, but sometimes the news and the tickers are painful to see. They work like this:

Spoiler

Two ways to get it. First is to click on the smiley face with a black bar over his eyes that you see with the font colors and all that on the tool bar (might need to click Go Advanced--sometimes it's a very basic tool bar) above the box where you write your posts. Gotta highlight your text, then click on the icon.

The second, and easier IMHO, is just to write:

[*spoiler] Your hidden text here. [*/spoiler]

But take out the *.

You can put your entire siggie in spoilers, too. I will definitely be doing that if I ever get another bfp, because it makes me so happy when others do it.

Serenyz and Lorna--both of your stories are so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you both had to go through that. I hope your rainbow babies will come soon.

to everyone!

Kia Ora Lorna!
I'm in NZ too, just over the Cook Strait. I'm sorry you had to experience all this, I hope you will become pregnant again soon.


Thanks Pbl_ge for explaining, this is great!

Got the supplements for DH, should be ovulating soon, unfortunatly he has to work long hours this week, but we'll try as much as we can

Hi Pipi sorry only just seen your message I have been offline for a few days and just catching up on all that has been said. Great to speak to someone in NZ

 

[FalseSmile]

Good morning all

Thank you for you kind words and the understanding with the smoking...its only been 2 days but i am determined more than ever before so feeling strong and positive I go away on Monday to sunny Spain for a fortnight and i pray to God this is my last holiday without a baba in my arms I've downloaded the Rita West book on my Kindle and will start acupuncture on my return from holiday - i'm determinded to get these damn ovaries working. I wonder if i've always had a low egg supply - that would explain why i've never got pregnant wouldnt it, i've been with my partner for 14 years? I could kick myself for not taking it more seriously all those years ago - when i was 24 i was supposed to have a laproscopy but pathetically i never went for it...i must have been in a daze all those years ago. I finally had one last year and thats when they said i have a blocked right tube and a slightly tilted uterus. I have been reading about CoQ10 and started taking 120mg yesterday and bees pollen as well as my usual pregnacare vits....only time will tell eh!

I'm sorry to read all your ttc journeys, although i dont know you all it breaks my heart knowing what we are all going through, and i'm so happy we can come here to share this soul destroying experience xx

 

[pbl_ge]

Good morning, all! We’re waiting on my FIL, so I’m taking the opportunity for a little BnB catch up.

Sam, congrats on quitting smoking! I smoked from age 15-30, and it seems very weird now. Once you’ve been quit for a while smoking will seem soooooooooooooooooooo gross! I never think about it anymore, unless I’m *really* stressed or something. But I haven’t really been tempted to pick up a cig in years. You won’t regret quitting, but you gotta stick to it! It does take a while for the effects to reverse, so be patient with yourself. So sorry you’ve been waiting so long. I hope you get a bfp soon! Perhaps looking into cleanses and such would be helpful? I sometimes wonder if my smoking is the problem with TTC….

For the IVF waiting list ladies—there are a couple of LTTTC ladies who got sticky bfps while waiting on IVF, so here’s hoping!

Myshel, hope AF stays away! Will the docs move your lap based on your cycle? Since I’m doing the hysteroscopy at the same time, they want me between CD6 and 12. But I think you're just doing the lap? Good luck to you!

Ella, looks like you have lots of juicy follies! Are you going to trigger or just go on your own? Good luck! Is your lap scheduled yet, or will you do that after AF arrives?

Pipi, way to go for the BD marathon! OH and I used to try to BD every day during the fertile window, but we just got too tired…. They say every other day is just as good, but it hasn’t worked for us. Hope you caught that eggy!

Hi, Bluebell! So sorry you’re in this situation. I’ve never even heard of an AMh of 42! Does that mean you have gazillions of eggs left? Do you have PCOS? When my AMH came back at 6 they suspected PCOS, but follow-up tests ruled it out. So are you a super-responder to stimms? Good luck to you!
Serenyx, I take baby aspirin in the AM with all my other vitamins and supps.

AFM, we’re hanging out with the family (my in-laws) and I’m trying to keep my sh!t together. There’s an adorable small child staying here, which is breaking my heart. We also told FIL & MIL the whole FS story yesterday, including upcoming surgery, and I was really fighting tears the whole time. I’m currently holed up in our room because I burst into tears after seeing ANOTHER pregnancy announcement this AM on FB. I know I haven’t been trying as long as most of you, so I hope you’ll forgive me for saying how tired I am of all this. I hate that other peoples’ good news makes me cry, but I can’t seem to stop it. At this point I’m really anxious for the lap—I hope they find something easily fixable that won’t affect future chances! Most of all I just hope they can fix this d*** pain I've been having!

Best of wishes to all of you!

 

[J_Lynn]

I cry with every pregnancy announcement I see too. It's just like someone stabbing my heart. I think a lot of us are right there with you

 

[LornaMJ]

Good morning, all! We’re waiting on my FIL, so I’m taking the opportunity for a little BnB catch up.

Sam, congrats on quitting smoking! I smoked from age 15-30, and it seems very weird now. Once you’ve been quit for a while smoking will seem soooooooooooooooooooo gross! I never think about it anymore, unless I’m *really* stressed or something. But I haven’t really been tempted to pick up a cig in years. You won’t regret quitting, but you gotta stick to it! It does take a while for the effects to reverse, so be patient with yourself. So sorry you’ve been waiting so long. I hope you get a bfp soon! Perhaps looking into cleanses and such would be helpful? I sometimes wonder if my smoking is the problem with TTC….

For the IVF waiting list ladies—there are a couple of LTTTC ladies who got sticky bfps while waiting on IVF, so here’s hoping!

Myshel, hope AF stays away! Will the docs move your lap based on your cycle? Since I’m doing the hysteroscopy at the same time, they want me between CD6 and 12. But I think you're just doing the lap? Good luck to you!

Ella, looks like you have lots of juicy follies! Are you going to trigger or just go on your own? Good luck! Is your lap scheduled yet, or will you do that after AF arrives?

Pipi, way to go for the BD marathon! OH and I used to try to BD every day during the fertile window, but we just got too tired…. They say every other day is just as good, but it hasn’t worked for us. Hope you caught that eggy!

Hi, Bluebell! So sorry you’re in this situation. I’ve never even heard of an AMh of 42! Does that mean you have gazillions of eggs left? Do you have PCOS? When my AMH came back at 6 they suspected PCOS, but follow-up tests ruled it out. So are you a super-responder to stimms? Good luck to you!
Serenyx, I take baby aspirin in the AM with all my other vitamins and supps.

AFM, we’re hanging out with the family (my in-laws) and I’m trying to keep my sh!t together. There’s an adorable small child staying here, which is breaking my heart. We also told FIL & MIL the whole FS story yesterday, including upcoming surgery, and I was really fighting tears the whole time. I’m currently holed up in our room because I burst into tears after seeing ANOTHER pregnancy announcement this AM on FB. I know I haven’t been trying as long as most of you, so I hope you’ll forgive me for saying how tired I am of all this. I hate that other peoples’ good news makes me cry, but I can’t seem to stop it. At this point I’m really anxious for the lap—I hope they find something easily fixable that won’t affect future chances! Most of all I just hope they can fix this d*** pain I've been having!

Best of wishes to all of you!

Don't apologise for feeling how you feel we all cope differently and this journey sucks no matter how far along you are. I also have a good cry at announcements, I did have a long break of FB because of this however I found out you can unfollow people so although you remain friends you do not get their statuses popping up In reply to the AMH my FS told me they have changed the way the measure it so my original AMH looke dalot higher than my recent one but they recalculated it for me to compare with. Originally it was something like 25 which is now calculated at 8 and now my AMH is 2.1.

Best of wishes to you

 

[Ella_Hopeful]

Ella, looks like you have lots of juicy follies! Are you going to trigger or just go on your own? Good luck! Is your lap scheduled yet, or will you do that after AF arrives?

The three follicles grew - they're now 17mm, 20mm and 22mm. The nurse said I have a risk of triplets!!! But also a risk of OHSS so no trigger for me this month! And I have to rest and drink lots of water.

My lap is scheduled for 18th july, so will probably be after ovulation next month so I think we won't be able to TTC until I've recovered from it... I'm assuming they can't do a lap. if there's a possibility of pregnancy... would be so the type to get preg. the one month I shouldn't

I know what you mean about getting rid of pain. I have terrible period pains and I really hope they can find something easily fixable so I don't have to be terrified of getting AF every month! And obviously I hope it helps with TTC as well.

And I have no room for anyone else's happiness anymore either - can't be happy for my friends who have been TTC 5 minutes and make their announcements. It hurts so much. It's not that I don't want it to be them, it's just that I don't want to be surrounded by everyone else having what I want so much...everyone except me! And don't feel guilty that you haven't been TTC so long, I felt like this since I was TTC about 5 months!

 

[Myshelsong]

Hey ladies.

It is amazing how difficult this journey can be and the toll ttc and mother hood can have on our marriage.
I have been really depressed and out of it so finally decided to have a girls night, we all talked about what was going on and how are we doing with their own issues and I realized that although infertility very very difficult, motherhood and relationships can also take a toll and make us just as crazy. where I thought all of my friends are having a great time being mothers I found that they were all really struggling to be a normal person again at the same time. and although it does not make me second guess my resolution to you have children it also makes me glad that I'm not in this alone. maybe all going through different things it's good to know as women we can band together and go through it together. I still feel that this journey is unfair to know that other people feel that way albeit for different reasons it is still somehow comforting to know that I'm not going crazy...

side note to my long ramble take a pregnancy test this morning big f****** negative as expected. but I had to because it was Father's Day.