LTTTC, feeling lost and alone..

[1daymaybe]

Hi ladies,

Im a first time user and first time poster..
My name is Heidi and i will try and make my very long story short..
I am 32 years old with PCOS and Hubby and i have been ttc for almost 7 years now..
Had a terrible experience with our first Dr...
Found a wonderful Dr, and started treatment.. We had 3 Cycles and no luck.
In august 2011 on our 4th attempt we were so thrilled to find out that we were finally expecting our first baby. Things were going great and we were over the moon. Just before new years we were elated of the news that we were having a little girl.
But at 22 and a half weeks, i went into pre-term labor Due to incompetent cervix. Our princess was with us for 5 min and passed away in mummys arms. Also that i had very high levels of Group B Strep in the placenta.

After taking 6 months to grieve and process we went back to our Dr to discuss where we go from there. Between then and now we have learned that i also have natural killer cells in my uterus just to make it that much harder. Since july 2012 and now we have had 10 more attempts. 4 positive results all followed up by miscarriages at 5-6 weeks.

Has anyone ever lived through or know someone who has gone through similar issues and gone on to have healthy babies??
Feeling so alone, like the universe doesn't want me to have a baby..
How do you stay strong through so many failures and negative results. And how do you put all your failures behind you and stay upbeat and hopeful with new cycles and not live in the past..

Thankyou for reading my post..
Heidi.

 

[flou]

Heidi I am so sorry for your losses. I can understand how you feel. I have experienced two miscarriages both at 6 weeks. We have been ttc for nearly three years. Each time it takes us a while to conceive for then our babies to be taken away from us. I am about to see a FS on Monday and I hope they can give me some answers as to why its not happening for me and my DH. I find I have good days and bad days. It is so difficult to stay positive but I cling to the hope that I will have my little one in my arms one day. And when that happens all the hurt and pain will be worth it. I hope you get your rainbow baby soon. It is not an easy journey but it will be worth it in the end. Take care xxx

 

[1daymaybe]

Thank you so much Flou,

Your words mean a lot.. Makes me feel like were not alone.
We have started today on a new frozen IVF cycle, so we are keeping everything crossed.
And so much good luck your way, hopefully Dr can give you all the answers you need..
One day both our Rainbow baby's will be in our arms..

Heidi

 

[babybell]

Hi 1daymaybe

I am sorry to hear what you are going through.
Cant offer any advise but just wanted to wish you good luck with your IVF and hope your dream comes true xx

 

[flou]

Thank you so much Flou,

Your words mean a lot.. Makes me feel like were not alone.
We have started today on a new frozen IVF cycle, so we are keeping everything crossed.
And so much good luck your way, hopefully Dr can give you all the answers you need..
One day both our Rainbow baby's will be in our arms..

Heidi

Good luck with IVF. I hope this gives you your little rainbow!

 

[kiwilove]

Hey
Heidi, im soo sorry for your struggles. I couldn't imagine going through all that. reading your story brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry I have no helpful advice or knowledge on what you have been through but know that I am here for you if you ever need to talk. I understand the struggle to keep positive when TTC for so long and I feel no women should have to go through this. I truly hope there is someone who can relate to you because I know how much it helps when you can go through this difficult journey with someone in the same boat ( not that I wish someone else to have such difficulties, but I realize there are so many women going through them). I wish I could give you a great big giant hug and I wish you all the luck in the world and hope your bundle of joy comes to you soon!!!!!

 

[1daymaybe]

Thank you Ladies,

Just knowing that there are people out there pulling for us really helps.
You get up each day and put on the smiles, but its not easy, (and some days impossible)
Our Angel Baby Lily Faith would be 2 now, and its hard not to blame myself.
And to watch everyone around us all fall pregnant. I have 3 siblings and so does DH. And we are the only couple not to have children.
But we dont lose hope that it will work for us. We have done the Genetic testing on our embryos and got great results. Just so hard to stay hopeful, how many failures do you go through before you lose hope all together??
But with support we will get through it no matter what the outcome..

I will definatley keep you posted on how our current cycle goes..
And thank you all again from the bottom of my heart. None of you know me at all but you have all shared such wonderful words. It means alot.

Thanks, Heidi -xx-

 

[Lazydaisys]

Sorry to hear this one day I know what you mean about painting that smile on. I really hope it happens for you soon. Xxxx

 

[1daymaybe]

Hello ladies,

Just wanted to update you all on my status.
We have just had a FET, number 15 for us..
So now comes the long 10 days wait to see how we go.
I am just trying to do as little as possible to give it the best chance.
DH is being great, even doing the shopping and cooking me dinner.

Will keep you all posted on our status, but please think sticky thoughts for us.

Thanks, Heidi.

 

[mohini12]

hi Heidi
first of all i want to say that you are not alone in your journey.i had been trying for #1 since nine years.i got bfp many times(6).but all are miscarriage.my 3miscarriage at 8to10week and next three was at 5to 6weeks.total 6recurrent losses.ialso had nk cells issue beside it lot of hormonal problems.high prolectine ,act.i wish you all luck for if .big hug

 

[piglet24]

Hi. I'm sorry about your miscarriages and to all our sissies here you have experienced it. I haven't experienced any miscarriage but we have been TTC for four years now and counting. Sometimes the feeling of frustration just eats up all my energy. I hope everything is going well with you. Baby dust.

 

[Lazydaisys]

I think you hit the nail on the head there piglet. Frustration, disappointment and this ongoing nightmare is eating up my energy. Hope everybody on this thread gets some good news soon xx

 

[1daymaybe]

Hello ladies.

Just a quick update of FET 15.
Unfortunately it didn't work. We are Devastate.
So off to the Dr in 2 weeks for an endometrial scratch,
It is supposed to help with the embryo attach.
Please send us good baby vibes and luck..

Thanks, Heidi.

 

[mohini12]

1day-sorry its not worked this time.hope your consultation with dr for endo scratch is useful.i heard that endo scratch is important for embryo implantation.hope you get success next time
lot of possitive vibes and goodluck