Angelbaby_01
mommy
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2012
- Messages
- 3,874
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Good luck fairydust!
Jm, once again, great news!!!
Squig, how are you doing?
Afm - we had our first bd for this cycle last night. I am at cd7. The baby dance will start in a few days. Eeekkkk!!!!! Going with smep and will officially start from cd10, but will bd tomorrow as well.
Jm, once again, great news!!!
Squig, how are you doing?
Afm - we had our first bd for this cycle last night. I am at cd7. The baby dance will start in a few days. Eeekkkk!!!!! Going with smep and will officially start from cd10, but will bd tomorrow as well.
So for a while everything was alright, but I was EXTREMELY stressed at work, had been covering shifts that weren't my own for way too long, busting my butt for no recognition or incentive whatsoever, only to be asked for more, more, more. I was fighting with my bosses to get me onto my normal shift, as I was working wayyy too many hours and getting nowhere near enough rest. There was a lot going on at that time, but I was trying my best to do what was best for me and what me and my love called our little 'sesame seed' (as that was the stage it was at the first time I decided to look up a timeline and find out) but I was being stretched and pulled too far. At what we think was 5w6d I got into a major argument with a new boss at work, where he was screaming at me, at six in the morning, IN FRONT of my developmentally delayed client (who I'm sorry but they might as well be my children, my mother, my brother, don't make hostility in front of them!!!) after over 48 hours with no sleep, obviously I was hormonal, and wouldn't let me step away to gather myself, even though I was a crying mess. That night when I went home, I called the higher ups and called into work that night because after that morning I knew I was stretched to the max and needed to give myself a break. That same night, I started spotting. It wasn't too dark, or too think, and was only when I wiped, but I knew something was wrong, so I went to the ER, HCG Levels were 1400 and the ER told me that was fine and to go home and try to relax. Well I did just that, went home and layed around in bed. The next morning, although bleeding a little more heavily, I went in for a scheduled ultrasound at a care clinic. The ultrasound showed the sac, and the nurses said that everything looked okay, she couldn't find a heartbeat, though. She told me it was fine, my boyfriend was saying I was fine, but my body and my heart told me that it was NOT fine. So later after the ultrasound, I start bleeding much heavier, feeling it gush. I go back into the ER to be given the worse, most unprofessional and rude medical care I have ever, ever received, and of course they confirmed that I was miscarrying. I started spotting on the 18th of last month, and I passed my little 'sesame seed' Angel baby, on the 27th, the bleeding stopped the next day. Now the doctor's at the ER did tell me that I should give myself time to heal emotionally, before trying again, but that medically I don't have to wait as long as I passed everything naturally, and my body went back to natural. I definitely had the fear that my boyfriend (though he was completely supportive and amazing, heartbroken as he was he stepped up and dealt with everything!
) was going to resent me somehow (like I naturally can't help but doing myself) for what had happened, so even during the miscarriage we were dtd, I was very afraid and thought somehow that if we were constantly dtd he couldn't hate me. Alot of other things were going on as well, I lost someone I thought was a friend because I wasn't there for her, during my miscarriage, and I also lost my job. And the worst part is the only reason I lost my job was because of said 'friend', as she was the one keeping in contact with the higher-ups for me, as I was not touching my phone, barely able to think, let alone speak to people. So I feel like I've been fighting a losing battle lately, everything has been insane. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, and while I believe there is one, a lesson in all this, I can't see one right now. Anyway, things are rough and my boyfriend and I are both still very fragile, very broken. We're working through our issues and decided not to wait until my first normal cycle, and have been trying since the bleeding stop. I got my BFN about three days after the bleeding stopped( April 1st, haha..funny right?! 
) and then I got a postive opk on April the 13th, about five days before I would O in my regular cylce, so now I'm in a very nerve-racking (which one isn't, though, right?!) 2ww. I'm confused though because I felt a little cramping earlier this evening, and my breasts are sore, which is not usually a symptom of ovulation for me, and if I did just O, wouldn't it be two weeks before my period, or could it be the MC making it different? Haha, wow I just realized just HOWWW long this post is, sorry ladies and I hope you don't mind me barging in, but I would love to connect with some of you who can understand where I've been and where I'm at! Thanks so much for even taking a minute (or hour or two haha) out of your day to read this, and I promise I'm not always this much of a babbler, but apparently this needed OUT! Haha, again, thank you and I hope to speak with any and all of you in this and any group here. Good Luck and Baby Dust to all, 
!
!! V cautious about it of course but fx...
