HERE GOES.......
ive been putting this off for days trying to drag it out and pretend i still belong here...but i dont. by monday afternoon my baby will be gone. really its gone already.
at my 12 week scan there was no HB..no movement at all, no fluid. the baby measured 19mm-8 weeks. i couldnt believe it, my body tricked me into thinking id made it to the 2nd tri..id felt changes my symptoms subsided at 10 and a half weeks but id heard so much about that being normal and everyone being different..blah blah blah..god im so devastated. this is my 2nd miscarriage this year and i just cant believe i have to go through it again. my dh doesnt want me to mc naturally as the pain was unbearable for me and for him to watch last time. and anyway its looking like for some reason my body isnt recognising that the baby shouldnt be there anymore. its been floating there doing nothing, not developing , not growing into a prune or a lime or a plum....just floating for over a month!!! so im booked in for a d+c on monday. im scared though. they gave me a leaflet and i can have general or local but either way its an op and there's always risks. i have been having period like aches for a couple of days now but i think monday will be the day...the 2nd saddest day of my life, our lives. my husband is such and amazing person its so hard to support him when i cant get myself out of bed in the morning.
well its good bye and good luck to you all. i wont even be demoting myself back to the TTC forums for a while. twice heartbreak in one year is enough for us..there are other things we can do for a few years and then see if mother nature has decided its our turn. just pray that one day a bean chooses me as its mum. i'll be great, i know i will.