Marital Age and Marital Longevity

[Lightworker]

Hi all..

I was wondering what you all thought on the "success" rates of marriage being dependant on what age the couple are when they get married. I can't remember where I read this but I thought there was a joke about marriages in your twenties are usually "practice marriages" and the older you are when you get married, the more likely it is that you will stay married forever.

What do you think? What age did you get married? What about your parents/friends? Do you think there is any correlation?

I got married when I was 22. I'm still happily married (just..lol)

 

[Eternal]

I can understand that to an extent i suppose, the younger you are the more "growing up" you have to do and you will both change whereas the older you get married your more settled, and I guess the grass is greener thing always seems more appealing the younger you are, whereas if your older then you may feel you need to make it work as your too old to start again.

I know we have both changed, i was 23 he was 26! we will have been married 5 years this year, we have ups and downs, really on my side more than his, but i think it mostly is to do with the fact of losing ourselves due to kids, i feel like just a mother and although i love all of them to bits i somethimes resent him being able to go to work and me stuck at home and also no one had ever had any of the kids over night or anything so we dont ever get time to just oursleves. I do miss that.

I think marriages at whatever stage need worked at, the prophet in my church said "a babysitter is cheaper than a divioce". Although no one wants to look after three under 2 lol!

 

[Nibblenic]

I got married at 22 and separate 18 months later. My two close friends married at 19 and coming up 10 years later remain happily so. Both sets of my grandparents married at 21/23 and remained married for their whole lives.

I think there are too many factors in relationships to put any overall statistic in the way of them.

 

[TattiesMum]

I can understand that to an extent i suppose, the younger you are the more "growing up" you have to do and you will both change whereas the older you get married your more settled, and I guess the grass is greener thing always seems more appealing the younger you are, whereas if your older then you may feel you need to make it work as your too old to start again.

^ ^ This kind of sums it up for me ...

I got married to my 1st husband at 21 and stayed married for 9 years ... there were other factors involved in our breaking up but even so I'd really had enough of him even before 'the straw that broke the camel's back'. We literally had nothing in common any more and to be honest the very fact that he was breathing the same air as me used to piss me off

I married for the second time at 35 ... 12 years ago this year - and again we have little in common any more BUT - we don't care that we don't 'do' things together on the whole ... we are happy enough just jogging along together It's not love's young dream but it's companionable and comfortable and for the most part we are friends and that is enough

I too have friends who married at 21 and are still together ... for the most part though they have nearly all been through some kind of break up/ separation and then got back together and moved into the 'friends' stage as they hit their 40's.

I think that in general we expect more from a relationship when we are young - it's almost like we expect our relationship to fill all of our deepest needs and when it, inevitably, doesn't we are more inclined to call it a day. As we get older we get more of our fulfillment from outside of our marriages ... as in from our children, friendships, activities and jobs and we are more prepared to settle for companionship

 

[smelly07]

I was with my OH 10 years before we got married, i was 32 he was 31, we both got together at 21 and 22 years of age and didnt have our first daughter until we were 25/26. tbh i dont think it matters what age or whether youre married or not, people change, life changes and there are so many different factors in relationship break ups that age cant soley be a factor in whether a relationship lasts or not. x

 

[indy and lara]

I have been with DH since I was 20 and he was 21. We married at 29 and are 36 now and still happily married. Not sure that fits into the statistic!

 

[Sarahkka]

I don't know if it is an age so much as how much living and experiencing you have done for yourself before you commit to another person and have to consider them in all your decisions.
I married later, but I was with my husband for 9 years before we had the ceremony, so I count our commitment to each other starting earlier.
We started dating when I was 22/23 and got engaged 3 years later, lived together for 6 years, then got married.
I had already done my degree, lived abroad for a year, travelled, dated lots of different guys, etc by then. I had had several years to please myself, so I was ready to involve someone else in my plans.
That sort of goes along with the idea of the 20s being all about change, I guess, just not quite so based on ages, but rather experiences.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I was 19 and he was 19 and we are married 22 years, it is hard. I feel like I missed out on a lot. I was married and pregnant and a mom at 20 while all my friends were going out and having fun, I did miss out on my youth. But I love my kids and husband and don't regret it, but I would never encourage my kids to marry that young. We have been up and down in our marriage ( Not cheating or anything) but there are bad times but the good outweigh them. I think most who marry that young do get divorced , I guess we made it though.

 

[OmarsMum]

I was 29.5 when I got married DH was 43. We met 1 year before getting married.

Most of my friends & cousins got married in their early 20s & some got married when they were 17-18. I'm the odd one.

From my experience It's easier when you get married younger or being with the OH at a younger age before getting married.

We still struggle to reach a mid way sometimes. We're happily married, we don't have serious problems but we end up arguing a lot. DH is still not used to being a family guy & taking responsibilities, he lived alone for too long.

 

[Lightworker]

Thanks for the responses ladies. Do you think it is important for people to "experience/enjoy their youth"..by that I mean, would it be detrimental to your marriage if you never "lived it up" in your teens/twenties and went instead into marriage straight away?

Do you think that for couples who are each other's "first"..their longevity is compromised because they haven't been with others?

 

[Nibblenic]

Thanks for the responses ladies. Do you think it is important for people to "experience/enjoy their youth"..by that I mean, would it be detrimental to your marriage if you never "lived it up" in your teens/twenties and went instead into marriage straight away?

Do you think that for couples who are each other's "first"..their longevity is compromised because they haven't been with others?

I married my first proper BF, I didnt miss the going out living a life bit, because I still very much did that. However I think a combination of not seeing many 'normal' relationships growing up and not knowing any better meant I married at best a nasty lier with a terrible temper. Which i did in a way know but didnt have the experience to realise that he wouldnt change and that promises meant nothing to those kinda of men

 

[Lina]

I think it is a misconception that we all want to 'live it up' and 'experience others', not all of us are party animals or have the desire to kiss many frogs. I think for me personally I took my time with choosing someone that I deemed right for me, 5 years to be exact and married at 22. I didn't date before him because I was looking for a serious long term relationship and before that did not come across anyone suitable. I don't think it is too young or old. The longest of marriages ever recorded occurred between the young. (for obvious reasons, and also because of the element of experiencing life together thus hauling a whole less baggage)

 

[alaskagrown]

My OH and I are engaged. I'm 22 and he's 29. I've known him for 6 years. We've been engaged for over a year, and won't be getting married for another year.

I'm glad I "lived it up" before we got married and before I got pregnant. I got to live in Hawaii for a year, which was always one of my 'dreams.' I also accidentally got pregnant two Octobers ago and had a miscarriage. After realizing how close I was to becoming truly tied down for life, I booked a 3 month long trip backpacking solo around Europe 4 days after miscarrying. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOO glad I got that out of my system...that was my other lifelong dream. Now we're both ready to settle down and start a family!

And I'm also glad he's not 22 like me. I look at all the guys my age and laugh...there's no way I'd marry someone so immature. I think guys take a lot longer to mature than women!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I do think people change and mature at 25, I have changed so much in last year. Me and OH have been together pretty much 7 yrs and we have grown apart!

 

[Lightworker]

This is a link to a similar article as I had read.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uk...o-marry-young-are-most-likely-to-divorce.html

 

[Hellylou]

I met my husband at 21, married at 23, and we are 37 now. It's certainly not been without its ups and downs, but I think we have a good thing, happy kids, happy together etc.

I have no experience of marrying later in life, but I can only imagine that it would be a lot harder for me to start a life with someone new now. I think we get more set in our ways as we get older, and sharing your life with someone is very much about adaptation and compromise! This must be a tough thing to do when you haven't grown into yourselves together, if that makes sense. Also, the later in life you marry, the more chance there is of previous marriage, including children, and the added dimension that brings.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I am so glad I didnt marry when I was younger but that does not count for everyone x

 

[Sarahkka]

I think it is a misconception that we all want to 'live it up' and 'experience others', not all of us are party animals or have the desire to kiss many frogs. I think for me personally I took my time with choosing someone that I deemed right for me, 5 years to be exact and married at 22. I didn't date before him because I was looking for a serious long term relationship and before that did not come across anyone suitable. I don't think it is too young or old. The longest of marriages ever recorded occurred between the young. (for obvious reasons, and also because of the element of experiencing life together thus hauling a whole less baggage)

Not sure if you were referring to my post or not, but I wasn't referring specifically to relationships when I talked about experience. I meant life experiences. That chance to live out a few hopes and dreams on your own terms without having to consider a partner. Obviously, those are different for everyone, but I think it can be helpful to have that time for yourself before you settle down.

 

[Quackquack99]

I don't know. My mum married at 18 and has been married for nearly 29 years now. But then I know someone who married for the third time in her early 40s and ended up divorced a year later.


I read that debt and financial worries is one of the main reasons for divorce and I honestly believe that this can affect married couples of all ages. Money is evil.

 

[Lina]

I think it is a misconception that we all want to 'live it up' and 'experience others', not all of us are party animals or have the desire to kiss many frogs. I think for me personally I took my time with choosing someone that I deemed right for me, 5 years to be exact and married at 22. I didn't date before him because I was looking for a serious long term relationship and before that did not come across anyone suitable. I don't think it is too young or old. The longest of marriages ever recorded occurred between the young. (for obvious reasons, and also because of the element of experiencing life together thus hauling a whole less baggage)

Not sure if you were referring to my post or not, but I wasn't referring specifically to relationships when I talked about experience. I meant life experiences. That chance to live out a few hopes and dreams on your own terms without having to consider a partner. Obviously, those are different for everyone, but I think it can be helpful to have that time for yourself before you settle down.

No, I wasn't referring to you or anyone on this thread it was more a broader observation on the question, i.e- whenever age and marriage are mentioned together assumptions fly. I agree completely with your earlier post btw.