Marriage

[Kess]

I want to be married before I have kids. I don't think other people are wrong for not doing it that way round, it just feels like the right way FOR ME to do that. I figure if we're confident enough that we're going to be together forever to create a new life together, then we can formalise that and make our vows beforehand.

 

[Rainstar]

I'm really quite liberal when it comes to marriage and don't think it has to come before babies. Thats not to say I don't think marriage is important but I do think that everyone is entitled to make their own decision about what order they do things in.

I think when things are meant to happen they will, i have dreamt up my ideal wedding (well handfasting) like we all do but now i think more about babies than i do anything else so we shall see what I can convince my OH to do first lol.

Still waiting for the big proposal but my OH is really sentimental and has very specific ideas about how he will do it so i am happy to wait for it! Lmao

 

[queen26]

Marriage is not crucial. Im the opposite to most people on here. I was always against marriage and insisted I would never marry. I believed I would be tryin to force a man to be with me - which I dont want.

However, I got married a year ago and beside the romantic proposal from my husband 2 years ago, I wanted to get married 1) cus I didnt feel scared of failing anymore and we felt we had taken our love to that place where forever just felt right. 2) we want a family together and want to do our utmost best to give the stability that we both did not have. Marriage was a symbolic step. We are (in our minds) building a strong foundation on which our future children can rely.

After being together for 12 years and then getting hitched, some people have asked if it made any difference. We say DEFINETLY. Its a very very personal choice and a personal experience. We feel we had a spiritual experience of joining in union with purpose (we are not relifgious, and did not marry in a church).

We take our vows seriously and feel the blessin will help us on what im sure will at times be a difficult journey we were just tryin to prepare for that journey mentally and emotionally. We didnt want to begin our journey with out the grand opening ceremony!! lol.

So yea, I think marriage has a place (b4 kids) but ONLY if it FEELS right!!!There is no right or wrong, the main thing is that there is a solid family / situation and people who love the child - who ever they are!

 

[queen26]

In addition, from my experience marriages sometimes harbour the worst and loveless relationships. e.g. my parents were most miserable after marriage!!! I had a more happy and stable home when they were just co-habiting!!!

I believe this is down to WHY the two individuals get married and how they percieve marriage rather than the fact that they got married per se.

So if someone does feel 100% joyful about takin that leap of faith DONT DO IT till you are at ease!! Otherwise it could end in disaster (in my opinion).

 

[Webbykinskt]

I have flitted from one side of the argument to the other the past few years. When I was little it was marriage then children... then I changed my mind... but now it's back again! Me and OH are planning to marry in the near future and we are waiting 4-5 years to TTC.

It is very much an individual choice for each couple.

 

[wannabubba#4]

I was married very young, then had my first two children and was so pleased I had done it 'right' as to speak.

Turns out it wasn't quite as perfect and 'right' as i'd imagined.

My first husband become v violent and bullied and belittled me for years (well that's a differnt story- but I think i would have left earlier if I didn't have the fairytale (wedding, babies, live happily ever after etc) in my head ).

Anyway, met my now DH (married only 1 year, been together nearly 10) and had our son within only 2 years of being together.
Not married to him at that time, but so in love and so happy, and so right in timing for us.

Didn't make the slightest bit of difference to the baby or any-one else that we weren't married - infact it was lovely, when we did get married,to have our daughter as my bridesmaid and our two sons as pageboys .

Life's so short -enjoy it to the fullest, do whatever make you happy and don't worry about what others think (too much anyway lol)

 

[24/7]

It used to be very important to me, however it is now less so. I am desperate to TTC, but OH says he wants us to get married first, and we have agreed to do so next summer. Well, if he ever actually pops the question officially.

 

[amylk87]

I happened to be getting married before we TTC, we are WTT because i'm in University and i will graduate just after we get married, so i will be married when i TTC. I don't think you have to be married to have children, my brother has a 2 yr old and he's not married to the mother. Marriage before kids is an old tradition, and not many care about it anymore.

 

[Sooz]

We just happened to get married first, it had nothing to do with needing or wanting to be married before children, though for practical financial reasons it was easier this way round as we had the spare cash that we won't have once a LO comes along.

The problem is hubby's broodyness has now gone into overdrive and he is doing my head in as I don't have the wedding as a non-TTC excuse anymore!