Married and WTT?

[WTTMommy]

Just wondering how many girls here are married and WTT. I feel like there's a lot of family pressure on us. We've been married just over a year and a half, and I feel like people automatically expect you to bust out with a baby bump after a few months.

I went back to visit my family and relatives/friends of family were asking why we hadn't started a family yet. (as if it's that easy, right?!) It got pretty annoying. Some even asked why I was on birth control. (Mind you I never mentioned I was, but even if I am, who's business is it?) OH comes from a very traditional family, they'd probably scorn me for using birth control lol.

I'm actually dreading our 2 year anniversary which is coming up at the end of summer... I know the questions will only intensify. I'm also turning 23, which doesn't help I'm not even that old

The only people who want us to wait are my parents

 

[ozbutterfly]

I am! And I know exactly what you're talking about. My two year anni is coming up in May. The pressure hasn't been too bad, but there are people who have put the pressure on for sure!

I've found, though, that citing health issues (you don't even have to get specific) makes people back off. At least for a bit.

Hey! I'm turning 23 this year. Hehe.

 

[Aria]

People who expect you to start popping them out need to mind their own business. They get to see a cute baby, but YOU have to raise it. Just tel people the truth, that you're waiting until later, and it's not open for discussion. Then change the topic. If they try turning it back, "This topic is NOT open for discussion."

 

[kate.m.]

Im married and WTT. Me and hubby have been together for nearly 9 years, married for 6 months. I really wanted to start trying as soon as we were married (actually i wanted to start before than!! lol), but am waiting on OH to be ready- whatever that means- as he keeps moving the goal posts!

The only person i feel pressure from is me, because i want it so badly. So anyone else suggesting kids, wouldnt really feel like pressure to me, tho im sure it would to OH. His mum was hinting the other day "we were ur age when we had ur sister, wink wink, nudge nudge" i found it hilarious! I just thought "Yes!!! Someone's on my side". But it doesnt make any difference.

 

[mikababy]

I know, it is annoying! At the end of the day it is up to you when you start TTC and you need to state this clearly to all concerned. Goodness knows, you need to make the most of your married life together and share it as a couple first! If it's what you want then make the most of your freedom!

Also, as you are both fairly young there may well be other things that you want to do like get a house, go travelling, study more etc which will be a darn sight harder with a LO.

My DH and I have been together 5 years (tomorrow!) and married since last August. We are going to TTC in May, as my Husband is now 37 and we both feel that we have done (nearly) everything that we want to do and if we don't do it soon we won't have the energy!

 

[Dimbo]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has been asked this question. We got married about 15 months ago and there were lots of questions in the first 3 or 4 months, but I had a medical issue and as soon as I told people that they shut up, hehe. However, being a year on, questions have been asked again and so this time I just turn around and say I have far too many holidays booked to be having kids. (We actually do have several holidays booked between now and the end of the year)

I have seen a couple of looks out of the corners of my eyes at this answer, but I'm only 26, Hubby 28 so it's not exactly like we're too old!

Luckily we have no family pressure at all and actually most people that ask are around our ages. Odd.

I'm yet to tell anyone of our plans to start trying on our holiday in December... ahhh, December... not that long away...

 

[Ready2Go]

Hiya

I'm with you on this... I got married 2 years ago after being with OH for 7 years and my mum actually seriously asked me when I was walking back up the aisle when I was going to give her a grandchild! Also, she was 50 this month and she went round telling everyone all she wanted for her birthday was a grandchild!

I try to just laugh it off, but it's getting to me a bit more now especially since I'm WTT. It's good to see others are experiencing the same thing though (if frustrating for us all)...

Altogether now.... AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

xx

 

[bunnyg82]

we've been married for 7 years and I'd say that for the first 5 years or so that's all that we heard! I think people are either bored of asking or worried that we've been trying and can't get pregnant (which we haven't!). It's nice to not hear it as it used to really annoy me!!! x

 

[Dimbo]

Hiya

I'm with you on this... I got married 2 years ago after being with OH for 7 years and my mum actually seriously asked me when I was walking back up the aisle when I was going to give her a grandchild! Also, she was 50 this month and she went round telling everyone all she wanted for her birthday was a grandchild!

I try to just laugh it off, but it's getting to me a bit more now especially since I'm WTT. It's good to see others are experiencing the same thing though (if frustrating for us all)...

Altogether now.... AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

xx

OMG whilst walking up the aisle?! That's shocking! And to tell everyone at her birthday, nothing like piling on the pressure!

I feel a strange when people ask, knowing that we're WTT. I get excited to think that it's not far off TTC, but at the same time I'm not going to tell anyone that and so I get disappointed. And then I just get frustrated that people ask in the first place.

However, I have decided joining chats on here will keep my mind focussed on the long term goal and hopefully help calm some frustrations.

I'll definitely join you in a much needed a nice long Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

 

[Cinnamon]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has been asked this question. We got married about 15 months ago and there were lots of questions in the first 3 or 4 months, but I had a medical issue and as soon as I told people that they shut up, hehe. However, being a year on, questions have been asked again and so this time I just turn around and say I have far too many holidays booked to be having kids. (We actually do have several holidays booked between now and the end of the year)

I have seen a couple of looks out of the corners of my eyes at this answer, but I'm only 26, Hubby 28 so it's not exactly like we're too old!

Luckily we have no family pressure at all and actually most people that ask are around our ages. Odd.

I'm yet to tell anyone of our plans to start trying on our holiday in December... ahhh, December... not that long away...

I'm new to the forum and happy to see I'm not the only one that get asked about our first baby. I got married 8 months ago and we plan on TTC in december as we still have a couple of things to sort out before concentrating on having a baby. I'm 24 and my hubby is 31 so age is not a problem.
It's just that I find some people are sooooo nosy, they even touch my belly when they ask when we're going to concieve!!!! How rude!! I don't say anything about it and say we want to wait for a while and enjoy our house to ourselves before sharing the space. (It's a small one-bed). Also I want to make the most of my time before I become a mum to 4 (those are my plans) as I know then my time will never be mine any more.

I find that just smiling and saying naahhh, we'll wait for a while just changes the topic, except for my mother in law that got us a baby dummy and my mum that gave me little doll shoes on my wedding day, hehe.

I'd love to stay in touch to talk about it when the time comes as I see you're waiting for december...

 

[bigbloomerz]

I got married in November to my OH im nrly 24 and he is 35, I feel kind hurried as he is older than me by my in laws, but yet at the same time they say theres no way we could have a baby living in an upstairs maisonette.Well there are ways but yes it would be a pain and very dangerous going up n down our steps with a baby and the baby luggage in tow!
Hence why we are waiting till we have moved house, which was supposed to be this year, but its looking like next yr now which means ttc wont be happening until 2010 x

 

[Sovereign]

I'm not married but people are already asking when we are having another one. Charlie's not even 3 months old yet FFS - give me chance lol! x

 

[ozbutterfly]

I got married in November to my OH im nrly 24 and he is 35, I feel kind hurried as he is older than me by my in laws, but yet at the same time they say theres no way we could have a baby living in an upstairs maisonette.Well there are ways but yes it would be a pain and very dangerous going up n down our steps with a baby and the baby luggage in tow!
Hence why we are waiting till we have moved house, which was supposed to be this year, but its looking like next yr now which means ttc wont be happening until 2010 x

Moving to a house (we rent a flat) is on our 'to do before baby' list as well. I have no idea whether it could really happen this year or not...

 

[louibee]

I am married but we have tons of reasons why we cna't have a baby right now and everyone around us knows them.

 

[RobenR]

We were married for over a year before we decided to remove the IUD since we were apart for the first eight months of our marriage for service reasons and decided we wanted the chance to enjoy being together before bringing a little one into it.

I agree with you though, it seems like as soon as you get married your first priority should be baby instead of career, house or whatnot.

 

[Jewels]

I'm married as well. Luckily my family lives 1700 miles away, so they aren't too bad - except for my mom and sister. When I was younger I kept saying I was never going to have kids, but that has changed now that I'm older and more mature. Now that they know I want a baby, they're going absolutely nuts! They're contantly asking me when I'm going to get off BCPs and get pregnant.

My dad would like to be a grandfather, but he's not pushy about it.

My hubby's family lives near us, but luckily they have never pressured us. Their family is already huge as it is, and has several grandkids! They probably figure it'll happen at some point.

 

[sarah54]

I have been married for 7 months and really only have pressure from myself. We are waiting until my husband feels ready to start trying, which I'm hoping will be next year. Sometimes we get asked by people who know we just got married if we are pregnant yet but never our family. We are both turning 23 this year, I think our famillies think we're too young, hence why we're not being pressured....yet!

 

[Dimbo]

Firstly :wave: to Cinnamon, I'd like to keep in touch as we're both waiting for December. (In fact, I got quite excited that I have a WTT buddy already)

I can't believe, after writing about people asking during the week, someone else asked at work the next day. She really is lovely, but quite insistent, and I didn't really have an answer for her, and kinda skirted around the question with the 'holiday' conversation. I know she would keep a secret, and I probably would have told her, but I was in an open plan office and don't really want the whole world knowing.

Bigbloomerz, you brought up a good point about the maisonette, but I think it can be done. We live in a 3rd floor apartment without a lift, and we love it to bits and don't want to move. I'd love the picturesque house with the white picket fence, but in reality we're not going to get a house as good (or as large) as our apartment in such an ideal location. Plus in this economic climate it makes sense to stay where we are. So, in summery, I am going to be attempting the 3 flights of stairs. I'm sure there will be times when I look back on this decision and wonder why on earth we made it, but I'm not going to let it stop me trying )

 

[Amygdala]

Hi all!
I've been married for nearly a year now (god, time flies...). We are getting comments but I usually shut people up by saying that I'm in the middle of my PhD and they'll have to wait for another 5 years. In reality we'll probably start TTC next summer but I really think they don't need to know that. Especially as we've got quite a small window for TTC, if it doesn't work in about 3 months then it'll have to wait another year. So especially our mums are better off thinking that it'll be a long while yet. That way they don't get dissappointed and I don't get hassled.

 

[Mrs. October]

I have been married for 5 years. When we first got married we were asked about babies ALL THE TIME. At this point it rarely comes up - occasionally friends will say "what are you guys waiting on?"....but for the most part no one nags about it.