Married or Not

[0400772]

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[Sooz]

I'm not bothered either way but I will be married before I conceive, not because I think it's the 'right' thing to do, but because that is the way my life has panned out.

 

[Pops]

Well, this is a pretty big issue for me just now as I have always wanted to be BUT we are now at the point where we are thinking we are going to try for our first baby before we get married. Don't get me wrong, I would love to get married first, but I do think it is more important to be happy than to be married if that makes sense and marriage doesn't always equal happiness.

If things change and we can do it first, we will but if not then it wasn't meant to be that way. It isnt that we want a big fancy wedding or anything but everything does cost money. And, we dont want to leave trying for our first too much longer (im 27 OH 32 this year) and we can get married anytime.

xxx

 

[EstelSeren]

I don't know why, as we have no particular set religious beliefs and I didn't realise my self until h2b and I got talking, but we're waiting until after our wedding to start trying for children. It was a joint decision and probably a good one as I'm only going to be graduating uni this summer and h2b only graduated last year and we want to get married as soon as we can but really there's no reason, other than financial, that we couldn't start ttc in June! I think it's just a natural progression for us: get together, get engaged, get married, have children. Both sets of parents were married before starting a family, although it was a close thing for my parents as they had to bring the wedding forward due to their wedding being planned for my due date!!

Beca :wave:

 

[louibee]

Mostly I don't care either way, but I think people who are not married tend to end their relationship faster over a disagreement than people who are married and may put more effort into saving the marriage, I think ideally children do better in a happy 2 parent home. But then again is just a general observation there are people who get divorce after a month , and there are people who never get married even after 30 years of being together

 

[toffee87]

I'd prefer to be married, but it's not essential. You can get married at any age!

 

[aSh_x0x]

It dosnt matter really. It really comes down to the individual and their beliefs.

For me, i'd much rather be married first, but if a child comes along before that happens i wont cringe with dissapointment lol.
My distant family are very conservative and old fashioned and believe "marriage before children" so thats the only reason why i would opt to be married first. It would probably also make me feel more secure in the long run..

 

[coccyx]

Married

 

[lozzy21]

Id like to be but not fussed ether way.

 

[Dimbo]

I always this it's nicer to be married first, but then that's hardly headline news since I'm married However, that is totally a personal choice for me. My brother has 2 boys and he hasn't married his fiance and they don't plan to get married either. It doesn't mean they are less of a family or less stable that my relationship.

As for how long is ideal to be married, that's an interesting question. I would have tried on my honeymoon, but DH didn't want to. I then wanted to only wait 6 month, but DH wanted to wait longer. We're now planning ttc for around out second anniversary when we're on holiday, and I am very happy with this amount of time. It has meant that we have been able to enjoy ourselves, enjoy being married and do things. We've managed to buy lots of things, save lots of money for our future (and longer maternity leave) and have lots of lovely holidays. I know we wouldn't have been able to do any of these if my first plan of a honeymoon baby had happened.

However, having said all of this, it is totally personal choice and what suits one couple won't suit another couple at all.

 

[toffee87]

One thing is, that say the father died and you were not married, nor you or the child(ren) would get anything.

 

[mikababy]

Guess I'm old fashioned, but I've always believed that the right time for children is within marriage.

I don't necessarily disapprove of it the other way around. I just think that generally two people who have made that commitment to each other 'for better and for worse' are best placed to have children.

Although really, any long term stable relationship is better than a unstable volatile marriage! (my parents were married, had an awful awful relationship and our childhood was a right mess!).

 

[mikababy]

It has meant that we have been able to enjoy ourselves, enjoy being married and do things. We've managed to buy lots of things, save lots of money for our future (and longer maternity leave) and have lots of lovely holidays. I know we wouldn't have been able to do any of these if my first plan of a honeymoon baby had happened.

Ditto!

 

[AutumnRose]

Ive always wanted my first child to be at the wedding. We would probably get married after baby is born so he/she can be there too.

 

[bunnyg82]

I don't think there is anything wrong with a committed couple having children, even if they are not married. Personally I am glad I am married and we will be having children, but at the same time, my older sister has two children and has been with her partner for a good 20 years I guess and they've never married.

I think as long as the mum and dad are happy together then it doesn't matter if they are married or not

 

[coccyx]

Surely if the father was responsible and had children, he would make a will so the children would be left something.

 

[BritAcrossSea]

I think it's a personal choice on whether you wish to be married first. I personally wanted to wait until we were married, mainly because I wanted us to enjoy our honeymoon!! And I can gladly say that we did.

 

[Pinkgirl]

This is a question that i have thought about so much. Would love a wedding first and to get married to my partner but it just cost soooooooooooooooo much- i know we could do it cheaper, like we would like to get married abroad and then have honeymoon there.
But at the same time i would love to start a family and put money into that. Its so hard, just going with the flow at the mo!! lol

Advise is welcome though!!!

 

[mikababy]

Enjoy life as Mr. & Mrs. first!

We got married in Slovenia and it was less than 5k for everything (including honeymoon). We were wed in a 12th century castle overlooking Lake Bled and the surrounding Alps. Was perfect!!

 

[JennTheMomma]

I don't think someone needs to be married to have a child. However, I think the couple should be in a relationship and ready for a child. A baby deserves two parents (and that can be same-sex parents).